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  1. #1
    Chief Fishcake King Volcano's Avatar
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    Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    Hello!! Just like I wrote on Page 2, Hope You Love It! And thanks to the people who want more, haha, I want to make you love this this page as well! haha

    If You Have Not Read Page 1 or Page 2, click the links below:
    http://www.narutobase.net/forums/sho...d.php?t=149418 (Page 1)
    http://www.narutobase.net/forums/sho...d.php?t=149717 (Page 2)




    Team 3 was running through forests and fields for hours now. They knew now that the Land of Jungles was south of the Land Of Wind.

    Sumago couldn't run anymore, and stopped to rest. He was exhausted, and panted. Minato, Jiraiya, and Oiichii stopped for him.

    'Pant' 'Pant' "I-I'm so sorry you guys, we have been running for hours already...I-I don't know how much I can do it..."

    "Okay then, everyone, we will rest here for a while, we'll leave in two hours," said Jiraiya sitting down.

    Team 3 left, and after only one day, they made it the Land Of Wind's border. This would have been a three day trip to the Wind, but Jiraiya moved so fast, it had been cut down to one day.

    Two Sand Shinobi appeared in the area out of the forest. The forest ended at this area, and the Land Of Wind's territory began here. The nice gentle forest turned into a giant harsh desert.

    Team 3 hid in the forest in the high trees looking down at the two Shinobi. It was almost night time, as the great sun was slowly disappearing behind the sand dunes.

    Oiichii's leg slide on a branch, Jiraiya grabbed hold of him, and the two Shinobi heard this. They looked at the forest. One of them summoned a giant red lizard that’s tongue was pink and long.

    Oh no, thought Jiraiya, that lizard..?! Will it be able to sense our presence..?!

    The lizards tongue moved around, like it tasted the air, and its motion stopped in the air.

    A sweat tear was running down Minato's face, but he wiped it off, once he noticed it.

    Then Sumago sneezed!!

    The lizard jumped at them, and released a giant fire ball at the tree they hid in!!

    The team jumped out of the tree at the right time. The fire ball burned down the whole tree, and soon some more trees were set ablaze!!

    Team 3 appeared in front of the two Sand Shinobi, and Jiraiya summoned a giant yet small frog that wore steel plates all over its body. At the same time the Shinobi used their jutsu and aimed at the team, only until the frog interfered, and the jutsus reflected off of the steel plates, and came at their own users!!

    Jiraiya appeared in-between the Shinobi and their jutsus and used a type of Sealing Jutsu that sealed the jutsus away.

    Minato grabbed hold of Oiichii and Sumago and disappeared in a trace.
    Jiraiya disappeared as well.



    Oiichii awoke to find himself in a cave. He noticed Jiraiya and Minato looking at a powerful sandstorm from the cave entrance. He then looked around the cave, and found Sumago sitting by a pond of water in the cave. Sumago was practicing his jutsu by weaving hand signs, making the water turn into different shapes. He refocused his attention at Jiraiya and Minato who were talking to each other.

    "Why did they attack us? And why were we hiding Sensei?" asked Minato.

    "Hmm...We hid, because I didn't know if the Sand Village got the Leafs message or not, so we had to be careful..."

    "So the Sand Village hasn't got our message yet?"

    "No...It’s very strange...I swore the message got delivered to them...I got a message back confirming they got it..."

    "So do you think somebody else got it?"

    "I think so, unless the Sand has broken our alliance with them, but there's also another possibility that whoever got it, knows the mission."

    "Master, you keep talking about our mission...what is it?"

    Sumago and Oiichii came over to Jiraiya and Minato hearing Minato's question, and they two have wondered the same thing.

    "Our mission, our mission is this...the day before I told you three about the mission we received a message from Jungles. They told us, the JanguruKage's son had been kidnapped. They pleaded for our help. The Old Man Hokage agreed to this, and sent us, because he felt we would be able to do this...it seemed like a crazy idea at the time, but maybe it's not...the message also told of a small part of the Land wants independence. They have set a rebellion against the Village Hidden in the Jungles. They have attacked the Village before, and the small community which they call themselves the Mizume are becoming terrorists now killing people all over...the Jungles thought they could handle it, but since the Jangurukage's son has been kidnapped, they have realized they need help from ally nations."

    "Why can't the Mizume get independence?" asked Oiichii.

    "It seems the Jungles feel that if the Mizume break away, the Jungles would become weak, and turn into nothing...they do not want that, and refuse the right for the Mizume to break away."

    Minato looked at the sandstorm. "So tomorrow or the next day after that we'll become part of this...this is looking more like a S-Rank Mission now..."

    The Team took rest there all night, and late at night Minato woke up. He could hear the powerful sandstorm outside. He sat up, and looked out there. The cave had become dark, and Minato could hear his fellow Shinobi snore...especially Master Jiraiya who snored the loudest.

    The Land Of Jungles...
     
         
    Last edited by King Volcano; 02-04-2012 at 11:00 PM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    cool bro
     
         

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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    I like to see more doe xD
     
         

  4. #4
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    Love it! ^^ I want to read mooooore :D
     
         

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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    aweasommeeee
     
         

  6. #6
    Senior Member Gutsy Jiraiya's Avatar
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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    keep going man, but id like to have some more details and maybe a little longer but great story
     
         

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    Mangekyo Sharingan User Sasuke uchiha 185's Avatar
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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    AGAIN ITS AWSOME
    next has more action right
     
         

  8. #8
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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    Eh, mediocre, I must say. You have base-line and a shaky foundation, but you need more meat. You tell your story without details, for example:

    Team 3 appeared in front of the two Sand Shinobi, and Jiraiya summoned a giant yet small frog that wore steel plates all over its body. At the same time the Shinobi used their jutsu and aimed at the team, only until the frog interfered, and the jutsus reflected off of the steel plates, and came at their own users!!

    Firs of all, Jiraiya summons Toads. You should really take a look at the lore before you write fanfiction, mistakes like that can actually cost you a lot of serious readers. Giant yet small? Make believable descriptions, they can really thicken the story and especially combat-scenes. Don't rush your scenes, nor your plot, they're the life-blood of your story. Beware of too many question marks, exclamation marks, etcetera, use them when they're needed and only then. Check your grammar, it really helps sometimes.
    Keep up your good work, but make your story more attractive. I found myself wanting to be done with it halfway through, and that's not optimal.
     
         

  9. #9
    Chief Fishcake King Volcano's Avatar
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    Re: Namikaze Minato: Life Of The Shinobi/Page 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Zero Kelvin View Post
    Eh, mediocre, I must say. You have base-line and a shaky foundation, but you need more meat. You tell your story without details, for example:

    Team 3 appeared in front of the two Sand Shinobi, and Jiraiya summoned a giant yet small frog that wore steel plates all over its body. At the same time the Shinobi used their jutsu and aimed at the team, only until the frog interfered, and the jutsus reflected off of the steel plates, and came at their own users!!

    Firs of all, Jiraiya summons Toads. You should really take a look at the lore before you write fanfiction, mistakes like that can actually cost you a lot of serious readers. Giant yet small? Make believable descriptions, they can really thicken the story and especially combat-scenes. Don't rush your scenes, nor your plot, they're the life-blood of your story. Beware of too many question marks, exclamation marks, etcetera, use them when they're needed and only then. Check your grammar, it really helps sometimes.
    Keep up your good work, but make your story more attractive. I found myself wanting to be done with it halfway through, and that's not optimal.
    Thank you for this. I'm a beginning Fan-Fiction Writer kinda, so I need help like that. The Toad thing, you are right about that. I should've looked more into it. I'm going to hold on this advice forever now, ha-ha, because , many of the things you pointed out are true. Thank you again

    I see you won a Fan-Fiction Award, which is something I want to win someday. You are like an idol to me now, ha-ha.
     
         

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