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  1. #1
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Impulse - 3

    I updated this quickly for the ffotm contest. So, I feel its written badly/rushed. I haven't reread the last chapter before posting this. I also mentioned Naruto's 'promise' twice. Was that bad? And am I out of character? I feel like I haven't taken enough time on this. Let me know. T.T
    Chapter 2 - The mission
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    Temptation


    It was quiet. Too quiet.

    At least, that was what Uzumaki Naruto felt as he sat crossed legged in the gigantic, dimly lit room, meditating in front of Shimura Danzo’s mystical time machine.

    Taking deep breaths, he absorbed nature’s energy - which was quite difficult to reach for! - with every intake, infusing it with his own chakra.
    It’s all about balance, He reminded himself. Absorbing and maintaining the newly gained energy at certain amounts; keeping the equilibrium. Yet, despite the concentration, he felt calm, cool, collected, and much at ease with his newly acquired awareness. Without looking into a mirror, he already knew of the orange and yellow markings that would grace the skin above his eyes; the signature markings of a true sage.

    Yosh! Sennin Mode activated!

    His ear twitched at a faint rustle. He cracked open an eye.

    Pink haired Sakura Haruno paced around the room in childish wonder; stopping only here and there to examine random thick wires that snaked across the floor.

    “Ne, Naruto, look! They’ve got extra headsets.” She pointed at the lower shelf of the of the desk of which a huge blue, flashing monitor – which was placed beside the time machine and connected firmly to it – sat upon. Dozens of headsets were sitting haphazardly aside on the shelf. “Looks like more than one person can travel back in time.”

    She walked towards both Naruto and the time machine, touching the black, smooth glossy surface of the strange pillar-like device. Naruto smiled faintly. He too was practically all over the machine the second Sai had left. But then it had gotten boring. Opening his other eye, he watched her as she began to trace her fingers lightly across what must have been a sort of control panel; at least, it was an area that contained a set of confusing buttons.
    “Naruto,” Sakura called softly, “Do you realize what this is…?”

    Eh?

    Naruto’s yellow eyebrows climbed swiftly across his forehead as he stood up and stretched. He looked at her bemusedly, alarmed by her uncharacteristic tone.
    “Eh…Sai said it was a time machine, didn’t he?” He asked staring at her confusedly, cocking his head to one side.
    “No! I mean, do you realize what this thing can do?!” She asked impatiently, without sparing him a single glance.

    What is Sakura-chan trying to get at?

    Perplexed, he crossed his arms and looked at the time machine thoughtfully.
    “It can probably do a lot,” He replied after a pause. “It seems like it can bring back lives, or take them away. It can alter so many historic events! It all depends on what you do with it. I wonder if Danzo made it only to revive himself...”

    He looked at the device in awe. Suddenly, it seemed a thing capable of countless, frightening possibilities.

    “But I don’t like it,” He continued. “It’s like running away from reality, or from the decisions you or other people have made! You’ve got accept what’s happened, and what others have done. You’ve got to accept your past, because that’s what’s made you who you are, and what defines you.”
    Her fingers still grazing along the buttons, Sakura turned to face him. Her pink eyebrows were knitted in anger, her eyes widened with shock.

    “What about Sasuke-kun?!” She demanded with a most beastly frown.

    Oh.

    Naruto felt a sudden thrill of excitement stole through him, as he stared at the machine with a newfound curiosity. Not only was it capable of unlimited, discomforting possibilities; it could also blessedly sweep away the many regrets that nestled deeply hidden within the heart. His shoulders suddenly felt light; his heart began to flutter with intriguing enchantment…

    No.

    “What if – what if Sasuke-kun never left? What if we could go back to stop him…” Sakura’s voice had taken an unnaturally high tone, shaking with dangerous eagerness. She was studying the buttons on the machine again. “What if –“
    “No!”
    Naruto lunged and grabbed at her wrist, forcefully directing it away from the device. Sakura looked back towards him, violently pulling her hand away.

    Angry green eyes met a pair of furious blue ones.
    “It was his choice. We can’t change that.”
    “What if we prevented Orochimaru –“
    “Didn’t I promise?! No matter what, I will bring him back! But not like this!” Naruto yelled.

    Sakura turned her back to him, her hands clenching in tight little fists. The air seemed to thicken with tension; the room was silent yet again with the exception of faint, tiny sobs.

    “He killed Itachi,” Sakura said in a low voice. “But he still hasn’t come back. I don’t think he ever will.”

    The orange and yellow marks abruptly disappeared; the bond between his chakra and nature shattered like glass as a sense of cold despair washed through Naruto. The determined expression that usually glazed across his face melted into a worried frown as his heart began to feel shockingly heavy with every beat.

    Sakura-chan… have you no faith in me?

    “Now matter what, I will always try.” Naruto said resolutely to her back, knowing that his voice was failing at sounding confident. “I promised, did you forget? And did you also forget that Sai said he trusted us? Sakura-chan, we can’t just recklessly use something like this. Tsunade-baachan will take care of it.”
    Sakura turned back to him with a weak smile, revealing slightly red eyes.
    “You’re right Naruto. I’m sorry. It was a silly idea.”
    “No! Don’t apologize!” Smiling faintly he sat back down in his meditating stance, once again gathering the surrounding energy inside him. But it seemed more difficult to reach equilibrium this time.With a gentle thud, Sakura slumped down beside him, blankly staring off into space.

    Before closing his eyes to concentrate, Naruto cast a sidelong glance towards the intimidating device.

    It called to him.
    He was sorely tempted.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
         

  2. #2
    Zero Kelvin's Avatar
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    Again, some talent is never really appreciated by the masses. I really like your story, you haven't jumped from one end to another just to get a point across, nor have you immediately thrown the duo into a time-travel adventure. You build up a plot and set some moral dilemmas for your characters. I like the way you play the canon characters out, they seem believeable. All in all, I'll follow this one.
    One thing though; watch out with the mood-swings, they can kill a Sakura character IMO.
     
         

  3. #3
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    Ah. I was scared about how I portrayed Sakura in this chapter. Thanks for the warning; I'll keep an eye out as to how I'm handling her character.
    Although I'm glad you seem to like the fact that I've set a sort of foundation before initiating the time travel, the fact that you mentioned this makes me feel that you really noticed the seemingly slow pace of the story - which worries me. But I could be getting worried over nothing.
    I'm pretty sure there are talented authors out there who could instill the very same elements I've included, and yet keep at a faster pace. There must be! >_>
    I had planned to start of the whole adventure in this way, but looking back at the title I had given this fic, I think I had wanted it to be a little more fast paced.
    In a way, I feel like I'm stalling because I haven't entirely planned out the whole time-travel ordeal.
    Anyway, thanks for liking this story so far. I hope I can shape it out well.
     
         

  4. #4
    Zero Kelvin's Avatar
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    , it hasn't reached the 'when the hell are they going to use that thing!?' stage yet
    keep it at your own pace, man, if you change the pace because people want you to, I doubt you'll be able to deliver the same quality goods you do now.
     
         

  5. #5
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    Good job, keep it up
     
         

  6. #6
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    great
     
         

  7. #7
    Senior Member serenaandrosie's Avatar
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    like you story so far very well done
     
         

  8. #8
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Zero Kelvin View Post
    , it hasn't reached the 'when the hell are they going to use that thing!?' stage yet
    keep it at your own pace, man, if you change the pace because people want you to, I doubt you'll be able to deliver the same quality goods you do now.
    I see. Alright then, thanks. ~

    Quote Originally Posted by 1V4N View Post
    Good job, keep it up
    Quote Originally Posted by Yanto View Post
    great
    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    like you story so far very well done
    ^ Arigatou. I'm glad that you like this so far. :]
     
         

  9. #9
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    Re: Impulse - 3

    cool
     
         

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