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  1. #1
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    Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Previous Chapter: http://www.narutobase.net/forums/sho...d.php?t=191644

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tale of the God of Shinobi



    The Sensei
    Page 2.


    As Tobirama’s students jumped at him, Homura sending a volley of shuriken from above, while Koharu pulls out a single kunai and dashes towards Tobirama, at the same time, Hiruzen finishes his hand seals and then as he inhales a good amount of air, Tobirama takes notice of him and quickly dodges Koharu’s slash by simply dropping down on the ground, and as he is down, he uses his arms to push him upwards into the air, and from there he catches the 3 shuriken thrown at him by Homura. Then suddenly as he is on his way down, he hears Hiruzen’s words.

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “Katon: Karyū Endan!!!”

    A big flame emerges from his mouth as it travels towards Tobirama at high speeds, the huge flame comes towards Tobirama and as it is about to engulf him in flames, Tobirama weaves a single hand sign, and suddenly the water from the pool comes up in front of Tobirama and forms a protective shield of water which completely stops the fire as he lands on the ground safely.

    Tobirama Senju: “Impressive… but not good enough… let’s see how you do…”

    *Time skip*

    Several hours later, while Homura sat on the ground looking up at his sensei while his butt was hurting, Koharu was eating her lunch and Hiruzen stood in front of Tobirama, as he delivered the news that they had all passed the test and that he was very pleased with their skills and their teamwork and finally he gave Hiruzen a small pouch.

    Tobirama Senju: “Alright now that I gave you the good news… we will meet at the Hokages mansion tomorrow morning to receive our first mission…”

    3 students: “Yes sensei”

    As Hiruzen and his teammates left the field to go and celebrate their first mission tomorrow, they walked for a few minutes and as they passed by an old house almost looking like a ruin, Hiruzen heard his old friend call his name.

    Danzo Shimura: “Hey Hiruzen, Homura & Kohura…”

    They all turned around to look over at the house as Danzo came walking out as his mother gave him a kiss on his forehead before he ran off to meet with Hiruzen and the others down at the road on their way to the BBQ.

    Danzo Shimura: “Hey… where are you all going…”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “We are headed to the BBQ to celebrate that we are all officially Genin…”

    Danzo Shimura: “Great so am I… can I join you….”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “Sure you can…”

    Then all four of them began to walk down the streets of Konoha to the BBQ, and as they walked, they met many of their friends from the academy and some of the nice old people came along to say hello while Hiruzen smiled to everyone and wished them a nice evening, Danzo walked beside him as they reached the BBQ and sat down, they began to talk.

    Danzo Shimura: “So… who is your sensei….”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “The Hokage’s brother… Tobirama Senju…”

    Danzo Shimura: “Wait… are you serious… that is so unfair…”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “Who is your sensei…?”

    Danzo Shimura: “….”

    After a while where they all talked together, and ate a lot of BBQ, Hiruzen and the others went home as it was quite late and Hiruzen wanted some rest before going on his first mission. The next morning Hiruzen woke up bright and early, as it was his first mission and he wanted to be there in time, so he quickly got ready and went downstairs for some breakfast before leaving, and as he was sitting at the table eating his breakfast, his father came in to see him.

    Sasuke Sarutobi: “Good morning son… you’re off on your first mission?”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “Yes dad… we will be meeting our sensei in front of the Hokage’s Mansion…”

    Sasuke Sarutobi: “I’m headed to the Mansion too… we will go there together…”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “Alright dad… let’s go…”

    As soon as both of them had finished eating breakfast, Sasuke said goodbye to his wife and Hiruzen said goodbye to his mother, whereas they both headed towards the Hokage’s Mansion while Hiruzen’s mother was standing in the door way looking at both of them as they disappeared into the city. When they finally reached the mansion, Tobirama was standing outside waiting for his students to arrive as Sasuke and Hiruzen arrived as the first one’s there.

    Tobirama Senju: “Good morning Sasuke and I see you’re up early today Hiruzen…”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “Yes sensei… I wanted to be the first one here…”

    Sasuke Sarutobi: “Hey Tobirama… I hope Hiruzen is doing well…”

    Tobirama Senju: “Oh he is… father like son…hehe...”

    Sasuke Sarutobi: “I see… well I better be going now… I will see you later son…”

    Tobirama Senju: “See you later Sasuke…”

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “I will see you later dad….”

    A few minutes had passed since Hiruzen’s dad had run off to work, when Homura & Kohura arrived with backpacks on and all the needed supplies for their first mission while Hiruzen stood next to Tobirama and looked at them smiling.

    Hiruzen Sarutobi: “Morning… your late…”

    Koharu Utatane: “Good morning sensei… Hiruzen I’m surprised you were here before us… for once…”

    Homura Mitokado: “Good morning sensei and Hiruzen…”

    Tobirama Senju: “Alright we are all here… let’s go… are you looking forward to your first mission…”

    3 students: “Yes sensei…”

    While Tobirama Senju and his team were walking down the hall to receive their first mission, Tobirama’s brother, Hashirama Senju walked passed them as he was on his way to his office to meet with some Jonin who were going on a top secret mission.

    Tobirama Senju: “Good morning brother…”

    Hashirama Senju: “Good morning… your new team…”

    Tobirama Senju: “Yes we are going to get our first mission today…”

    Hashirama Senju: “Well good luck to you… I have to go…”

    Hashirama went off to his office as Tobirama and his team went into the room to receive their first official mission, requested by the citizens of Konoha and the people going through the village, travelers and many other people who needed help. Today would be the day, where Hiruzen officially became a shinobi of Konoha, but more importantly it would be a mission he would never forget.

    -------------------------------------------------------
    Created by JiraiyaEroSennin & serenaandrosie
     
         

  2. #2
    Member yeahhboi's Avatar
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    wat is this? man no one considers hiruzen a god, he was one of, if not the weakest kage and hokage
     
         

  3. #3
    Senior Member Gutsy Jiraiya's Avatar
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by yeahhboi View Post
    wat is this? man no one considers hiruzen a god, he was one of, if not the weakest kage and hokage
    this is a fan fiction which is a story based on facts a bout Hiruzen and my opinion on him... i am just writing a story... and if you dont like it... then it is alright...

    but Hiruzen was probably stronger than Tobirama, Tsunade and possible Minato (FTG takes it) Hashirama is the only one i can say is better than him and possible minato...


    please leave a comment... we need criticism...
     
         
    Last edited by Gutsy Jiraiya; 05-26-2012 at 10:17 PM.

  4. #4
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    he was the strongest hokage and called god of shinobi because he mastered the 5 ways of a ninja
     
         

  5. #5
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by JiraiyaEroSennin View Post
    this is a fan fiction which is a story based on facts a bout Hiruzen and my opinion on him... i am just writing a story... and if you dont like it... then it is alright...

    but Hiruzen was probably stronger than Tobirama, Tsunade and possible Minato (FTG takes it) Hashirama is the only one i can say is better than him and possible minato...


    please leave a comment... we need criticism...

    feel free to coment and what Jiraiya said
     
         

  6. #6
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    lol hiruzen was a weakling
     
         

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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by yeahhboi View Post
    lol hiruzen was a weakling
    there no need for those type of comments
     
         

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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by yeahhboi View Post
    lol hiruzen was a weakling
    No need to flame, if you can write a better story, then show us, otherwise don't give such negative comments...

    OT: Great chapter, live the writing style and the story line so far, I'm curious what's happening next
     
         

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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    The God
    Nice there's some drama and tough acts really like the story but dont really know what to say
     
         

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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by -Severus Snape- View Post
    No need to flame, if you can write a better story, then show us, otherwise don't give such negative comments...

    OT: Great chapter, live the writing style and the story line so far, I'm curious what's happening next
    i am glad you enjoyed it

    Quote Originally Posted by sasukexx13 View Post
    The God
    Nice there's some drama and tough acts really like the story but dont really know what to say
    fair enough & i am glad you liked the story
     
         

  11. #11
    Senior Member Gutsy Jiraiya's Avatar
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    I'm glad everyone so far enjoyed the story :D it has just begun :D it is supposed to go through all of his time alive :D

    So hope you enjoyed and everyone else who reads this please leave comments for us :D
     
         

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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Pretty good
     
         

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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    i m very pleased to read this ..... inspired by the writing skill ...and story was gr8 ...

    and i wud like to add (not on topic)
    that hiruzen wasn't called the god of the shinobi just because he was hailed as the strongest kage or something ......its because of nature , kindness, ready to help behaviour , thinking of village as a family , knowledge about the shinobi life and ninjutsu etc etc...being the most Powerful shinobi doesn't mean u r god
    and sorry to say this but if u didn't get this, then its its worthless to read naruto
     
         

  14. #14
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    well done. The plot is good, but it's a little short
     
         

  15. #15
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    this nice +rep
     
         

  16. #16
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by EL MAGNIFICO View Post
    i m very pleased to read this ..... inspired by the writing skill ...and story was gr8 ...

    and i wud like to add (not on topic)
    that hiruzen wasn't called the god of the shinobi just because he was hailed as the strongest kage or something ......its because of nature , kindness, ready to help behaviour , thinking of village as a family , knowledge about the shinobi life and ninjutsu etc etc...being the most Powerful shinobi doesn't mean u r god
    and sorry to say this but if u didn't get this, then its its worthless to read naruto
    I agree with the nature part, the disposition, however there's more to being a God then kindness and helping behavior. A God keeps balance and is firm. In Hiruzen's case we understand his title as "God of Shinobi" for the almost unimaginable power he possessed. However if you're going to bring the nature of a God in here, in several societies you have a both the mercifuly and at times the wrathful God and you have the just God. The aspect we see of that from Hiruzen was perhaps his act against the Uchiha clan in ordering their execution. Though he rathered diplomacy there are times when that works and when that doesn't work and he understood such things...

    On the note, Hiruzen did make many mistakes in his time as Hokage and I don't think his title as God is well fitting of him. He was more of a professor, the title of God should've only belonged to the Sage
    ______________

    Sorry for the spam, now onto my review.

    I've read both chapter, Idk if I commented on the other one but this can go for both regardless.

    The chapters are a little short, I do believe you should make them longer and explain a little more in detail. I mean we see two technique from Tobirama and Hiruzen collectively and then you skip right to them having lunch, their first test finished.

    Never found out who Danzo's sensei was you cut that scene short as well. I don't feel like there's a lot of build up in the characters. I don't see the development of Hiruzen much as a person here. I know it's early on in the series, I'm willing to wait and see how it turns out. However as it seem, Hiruzen and Danzo especially should be the more focused on characters in this series IMO due to their friendship and rivalry and we should see how each other becomes the way they did.

    Also I'm a HUGE Tobirama Fanboy so I would love to see some more badass-ery from him But regardless I like the idea you guys went with, with explaining Hiruzen's background as a shinobi first starting off and I can't wait to see where you guys bring it. I like the idea...could use a little more detail and development though ^^
     
         

  17. #17
    Senior Member Gutsy Jiraiya's Avatar
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    I agree with the nature part, the disposition, however there's more to being a God then kindness and helping behavior. A God keeps balance and is firm. In Hiruzen's case we understand his title as "God of Shinobi" for the almost unimaginable power he possessed. However if you're going to bring the nature of a God in here, in several societies you have a both the mercifuly and at times the wrathful God and you have the just God. The aspect we see of that from Hiruzen was perhaps his act against the Uchiha clan in ordering their execution. Though he rathered diplomacy there are times when that works and when that doesn't work and he understood such things...

    On the note, Hiruzen did make many mistakes in his time as Hokage and I don't think his title as God is well fitting of him. He was more of a professor, the title of God should've only belonged to the Sage
    ______________

    Sorry for the spam, now onto my review.

    I've read both chapter, Idk if I commented on the other one but this can go for both regardless.

    The chapters are a little short, I do believe you should make them longer and explain a little more in detail. I mean we see two technique from Tobirama and Hiruzen collectively and then you skip right to them having lunch, their first test finished.

    Never found out who Danzo's sensei was you cut that scene short as well. I don't feel like there's a lot of build up in the characters. I don't see the development of Hiruzen much as a person here. I know it's early on in the series, I'm willing to wait and see how it turns out. However as it seem, Hiruzen and Danzo especially should be the more focused on characters in this series IMO due to their friendship and rivalry and we should see how each other becomes the way they did.

    Also I'm a HUGE Tobirama Fanboy so I would love to see some more badass-ery from him But regardless I like the idea you guys went with, with explaining Hiruzen's background as a shinobi first starting off and I can't wait to see where you guys bring it. I like the idea...could use a little more detail and development though ^^
    Just read it all thanks for all the feedback :D

    I and Rosie will try to do our best in making the chapters longer and more descriptive :D and I'm sorry if it has not lived up to you or other people's expectations....

    my idea was to show the story of Hiruzen Sarutobi which is the entire story and so there are tons of known characters in hiruzens life and it takes a lot of space to identify and work with all people in Hiruzen's life....

    but i will try my best together with Rosie to make it all better :D
     
         

  18. #18
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by JiraiyaEroSennin View Post
    Just read it all thanks for all the feedback :D

    I and Rosie will try to do our best in making the chapters longer and more descriptive :D and I'm sorry if it has not lived up to you or other people's expectations....

    my idea was to show the story of Hiruzen Sarutobi which is the entire story and so there are tons of known characters in hiruzens life and it takes a lot of space to identify and work with all people in Hiruzen's life....

    but i will try my best together with Rosie to make it all better :D
    My favorite part of writing Fanfiction is the character development. To me that's my central concern and environment around them is for them to react to as well as it react to them.

    In Bonds I made the situations then I made the characters and both affected each other to the end results and I enjoyed it so much and I enjoy it with my series. It may seem difficult. I've incorperated so many characters, old and new to my story it gets confusing but when I read back on everything and see them interlocking I just love to see how all these characters connect to one another.
     
         

  19. #19
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    same answer as last time altough i liked the talk no jutsu.
     
         

  20. #20
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    i liked most of the story that was used

    i liked how there i was irony between his dads name and how he did vs the 2ed hokage (both sasuke)

    over all 8.5/10
     
         

  21. #21
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    alot of depth and well constructed. Good work!
     
         

  22. #22
    Senior Member Gutsy Jiraiya's Avatar
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Thanks to Reborn for all the help from him :D

    and thanks to everyone else for reading the FF and I hope everyone enjoyed it :D
     
         

  23. #23
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    I agree with the nature part, the disposition, however there's more to being a God then kindness and helping behavior. A God keeps balance and is firm. In Hiruzen's case we understand his title as "God of Shinobi" for the almost unimaginable power he possessed. However if you're going to bring the nature of a God in here, in several societies you have a both the mercifuly and at times the wrathful God and you have the just God. The aspect we see of that from Hiruzen was perhaps his act against the Uchiha clan in ordering their execution. Though he rathered diplomacy there are times when that works and when that doesn't work and he understood such things...

    On the note, Hiruzen did make many mistakes in his time as Hokage and I don't think his title as God is well fitting of him. He was more of a professor, the title of God should've only belonged to the Sage
    ______________

    Sorry for the spam, now onto my review.

    I've read both chapter, Idk if I commented on the other one but this can go for both regardless.

    The chapters are a little short, I do believe you should make them longer and explain a little more in detail. I mean we see two technique from Tobirama and Hiruzen collectively and then you skip right to them having lunch, their first test finished.

    Never found out who Danzo's sensei was you cut that scene short as well. I don't feel like there's a lot of build up in the characters. I don't see the development of Hiruzen much as a person here. I know it's early on in the series, I'm willing to wait and see how it turns out. However as it seem, Hiruzen and Danzo especially should be the more focused on characters in this series IMO due to their friendship and rivalry and we should see how each other becomes the way they did.

    Also I'm a HUGE Tobirama Fanboy so I would love to see some more badass-ery from him But regardless I like the idea you guys went with, with explaining Hiruzen's background as a shinobi first starting off and I can't wait to see where you guys bring it. I like the idea...could use a little more detail and development though ^^
    thank you Reborn for the feed back jiraiya & I will have to work on it a bit more.
     
         

  24. #24
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    i really like it very nice fanfic
     
         

  25. #25
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    Re: Tale of the God of Shinobi Page 2.

    this is going to be as epic as naruto's first mission!!
     
         

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