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    6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    CHAPTER 11 – The 3 Champions!


    The following day, every single Houses already hung up the diverse schedules for the classes of students. To the second years' delight, their first class was going to be the Defense against Dark Arts while the first years were attributed to start with Ninja & Charms Classes. Rose could almost sense the early morning infuriation of Scorpius back in the Slytherin dormitory.

    [Moments later in Professor Flitwick's office]

    Flitwick: Well, well, please settle down first years! As you all know, this is going to be the first class for you all since the start of your year was well pretty disturbed.

    All the students were looking at Flitwick with a mild interest as everyone was interested to know what kind of classes the ninjas will teach. The primary glances weren't really much reassuring. Whether it was the creepy looks of Gaara, Kankuro and Sai or was the weird fashion style of Naruto, Kakashi and Lee - all seemed otherworldly. Choji, Yamato, Temari, Tenten and Shikamaru all left early morning to start the search for Kabuto on orders of Naruto while Sakura, Neji and Ino were asked to assist the other 6 for the class.

    Flitwick: Please take out your books everyone; we'll start with some practical in some minutes. Meanwhile, open on Page 21 and start reading.

    Scorpius seemed to fume out of disinterest. The other students exchanged a few perplexed looks towards each other before quietly obeying to Professor Flitwick. Flitwick, on his side, isolated himself near the window to talk with the ninjas.

    Flitwick: Well, the Headmasters only informed me that our classes were going to be mixed with mine but I have no idea about how you want to proceed. I got...

    Kakashi: Don't worry - you won't have something complex to do. We have been asked to teach jutsus to the students but obviously, this task is going to be quite difficult since we don't really know the basis of your magic. So for today, we're going to see how you perform your Charms and analyze the process with the help of Neji and Naruto.

    Naruto: In short, we'll be supervising for today; then we'll see what we can teach.

    Flitwick: So, basically, I should just do my classes normally and you’ll only watch it for today...

    Kakashi: Indeed. We'll intervene if we learn something interesting but the supervision comes first.

    Flitwick: That sounds good.

    *10 minutes later*

    Flitwick: Attention please!

    The students stopped reading and some chatting. Many of them were discreetly glaring at the ninjas who scattered round the class. Naruto particularly caught their attention as he was sitting on the floor in yoga posture.

    Flitwick: May I please ask you to keep your books back in your bags for today? We're going to have a practical class.

    They all put away their books as they were pretty curious about what they'll learn.

    Flitwick: First of all, as you just read in your 'Standard Book of Spells', can someone tell me, what is a Summoning Charm?

    With Rose day-dreaming over Scorpius, Albus quickly rose his hand.

    Flitwick: Yes?

    Albus: Uh, A summoning Charm is a charm that causes an object to be attracted towards the spell caster; given the caster has a clear mental image of that object.

    Flitwick: Excellent, Albus my-boy.

    Some claps were heard which brought Rose back to her sense.

    Flitwick: 5 Points to Gryffindor. Okay, can someone now tell me the most common Summoning Char...

    Rose: It's Accio!

    Flitwick: Ex..Excellent Miss Weasley. You clearly inherited your mother's brain. Another 5 Points for Gryffindor.

    Flitwick: Okay, we're now going to practice the Summoning Charm. As Mr. Potter rightfully explained, you'll need to have a clear vision of the object you want to attract. First of all, there are 10 cups on the front bench. I'd request 10 students to stand 2 meters from the cup and all the other students, please form a line behind one of these 10 students.

    Most students obliged themselves; though most of them were excited to practice one of their first spells.

    Kakashi: Get ready, Neji!

    Neji: All set.

    Kakashi: Naruto?

    Naruto: Right!

    Naruto was in Sage Mode while Kakashi and Neji had their Sharingan and Byakugan activated respectively.

    Flitwick: But before, you start, it is very important to have the correct pronunciation in Charms; otherwise it might not work. Let me demonstrate.

    Flitwick: Accio feather!

    A feather vroomed into his hand as many watched in awe.

    Kakashi: Pretty interesting! Neji?

    Neji: It was a pretty fast skill. Can't say much for now.

    Kakashi: I see. That means we’ll need to watch even more thoroughly.

    Flitwick: Now, if I were to mispronounce it...for example - Akcioh Paper! It is not going to word. Every single syllable is crucial. So repeat after me everyone: Ah-see-oh...

    Most students gave several trials to pronounce the word Accio correctly.

    Flitwick: Okay, I'll suggest the 10 students in front line to visualize the cup properly and say Accio Cup!

    Kakashi: Neji, Naruto, watch carefully.

    As all students screamed 'Accio Cup', many cups flew. Some moved barely, some flew pretty well towards the caster and some did not work as well.

    Flitwick: Next!

    Another trial followed and so on...

    Kakashi: So Naruto?

    Naruto: Nope, there was no Nature energy involved in that spell. Neji?

    Neji: Yes, there were definitely chakra involved but it was a really thin line. I must say, it’s pretty impressive how those small kinds manipulate those thin chakra beams with their wands. Kakashi?

    Kakashi: Many whose spells failed did not have the same hand movement.

    Neji: This means that they are able to control their chakra very precisely but only through their wands as said. Those wands act like transmitters. But what's interesting is that the mental state seems to play a very important part on this spell casting.

    Naruto: So, if we want to teach them seals, we'll need to know how that mental works.

    Kakashi: Okay, we'll finish this supervision for today. We'll talk with Flitwick next, once his class is over!

    [At the End of the Class]


    Flitwick: So how was your supervision? Is there indeed a way for wizards and ninjas to exchange their skills and abilities?

    Kakashi: Well, as far as we have seen, it’s still quite plausible but we’ll need you to co-operate with us.

    Flitwick: I...well…sure! But what will I need to do?

    Kakashi: First, you are going to re-perform the spell you just did in your class but with slower hand movement.

    After a slight moment of cogitation, Flitwick performed Accio on one of the Cups left on the floor by one student. Flitwick grabbed it and posed it on a table nearby before turning back towards the ninjas.

    Flitwick: And now?

    Kakashi: Ino, here, is going to enter your mind.

    Flitwick’s mind was simply blanked away by Kakashi’s words as he feared the worst.

    Ino: Don’t worry, nothing is going to hurt. You’ll just lie in a state of unconsciousness for some moments.

    The blond ninja, with her new pairs of specs, was looking much hotter; though persuasion was still not one of her strong points.

    Ino: Mind-Transfer Jutsu!

    Ino suddenly fell into Sakura’s arm unconscious as Flitwick slowly rose up his head.

    Neji: Do you hear me, Ino?

    Flitwick/Ino: Yes.

    Kakashi: Okay, try to see how much the mental image is going to be necessary. Meditate a bit in Flitwick’s mind and when you feel like it, hold up Flitwick’s wand and I’m going hold your hand to make you reproduce the same hand movements as Flitwick did.

    Naruto: Do you think it will work?

    Kakashi: Well, from what we’ve seen, frankly, it isn’t going to be an easy task.

    Sakura: We should perhaps have join Shikamaru’s team in their search for Kabuto.

    Sai: It’s true that there’s big chance that we are just wasting our time here.

    [Meanwhile in the Forbidden Forest]

    Tenten: I can’t believe I finally got to participate in the more exciting part of a mission.

    Shikamaru: Oh, so you say but frankly, it doesn’t really please me to roam in such a dense forest. There’s no completion in it.

    Temari: Stop “lazy-ing” around!

    Choji: She’s right, Shikamaru. That forest may reside any kind of danger at any moment.

    Shikamaru: Oh come on. We should at least have been assigned a sensory ninja with us…

    Yamato: *scary look* Did you say something, Shikamaru?

    Shikamaru freaked out of the sudden as Temari laughed out big time.

    Shikamaru: You should really stop that thing someday

    Yamato: Hahaha, well, I’ll see but you should not vex me. I’m actually quite a good sensory ninja when it comes to chase in green and dense areas but I must say, it isn’t the same thing when it comes to search for someone who leaves almost no clues. I’ve been communicating continuously with the trees but none really gives any positive sides when it comes to locate that snake.

    Choji: Well, we should perhaps have searched the closer areas first.

    Choji’s neck extended to more than meters along the woods as he screamed.

    Shikamaru: You found something?

    Choji: Come and see by yourself.

    All of them rushed where they found quite a stock of bloodied clothes and corpses.

    Tenten: Urgh, disgusting.

    Yamato: I’ll see if some of them have traces of experiments on them. If yes, we’ll take it for autopsy; otherwise we’ll bury them here.

    Shikamaru: These corpses have already been here for quite some time; judging from the numerous animals’ bites and the stinking odor. I don’t think Kabuto is anywhere nearby.

    Temari: I agree. We should check them as fast we can and just go back.

    [Meanwhile, back at Flitwick’s office]

    Naruto: Ouch, be careful with your attempts.

    Flitwick/Ino: I’m sorry, we still can’t do it.

    Kakashi: It’s been hours that we’re trying but by seeing the results…

    Neji: It’s gonna take months before we grasp the concept of magic and usage of wands. Teaching is a much farer topic.

    Sai: I’m afraid that I must agree to this.

    Sakura: Me too.

    Naruto and Lee looked pretty down on this prospect.

    Kankuro: Kakashi, you should perhaps explain the complexity of it to the Headmistress.

    Kakashi: Well, I…

    Gaara: Perhaps, there’s still a glimmer of hope.

    Lee: You found a way?

    Gaara: Not really but if we could rather go even further inside the mind of the Professor…

    Naruto: I guess, this is better than giving up that soon. Ino?

    Flitwick/Ino: All right, I’ll see what I can do.

    *some hour later*

    Flitwick/Ino: I think, I’ve gotta something interesting.

    Everyone’s attention suddenly popped to the optimum as everyone lent their engrossed ears to listen to Ino’s find.

    Kakashi: So what is it?

    Flitwick/Ino: Well…

    4 days quickly passed and the Hogwarts Towers were all getting swarmed up in the await of Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students.

    Hermione: All set?

    Ron: Yes! Where’s Harry by the way?

    Harry: Oh, I’m right here!

    Harry joined Ron and Hermione at the top of Astronomy Tower with Kakashi and Naruto next to him.

    Ron: Where were you?

    Harry: Naruto and Kakashi were talking to me about some students and I was helping them. They did a pretty good job, I must say in the last 4 days.

    Kakashi: Oh, it was nothing.

    Naruto: Yeah, we must say that your cooperation helped a lot.

    Harry: It’s mostly your dedication that…*interrupted*

    Ron: Here, they come! It’s the Beauxbatons wagon!

    In absolute amaze and awe, students and professors alike were watching the divine descent of the flying wagon. The horde of white horses, pulling the chariot, was a complete divine view.

    Krum: And here comes my boys!

    With a heavy hint of arrogance in his voice, all eyes forcibly turned onto the rising glorious ship of Durmstrang from the depth of an otherworldly whirlpool. Its skeletal look was equally terrifying and mighty-impressive. Large amounts of water poured off the deck and out the cannon ports; as they sailed towards Hogwarts shore.

    Hermione: Let’s get down and welcome them!

    The welcoming was a pretty quick one; though extremely pleasant. Madame Maxime; despite having more aging features, looked ever so-gracious as she bent as much as she could to hug Hermione and Krum. Despite her height, all Hogwarts students’ eyes were quickly turned over their foreign guests. The speechless gaping of the boys over Beauxbatons girls and the girls going gaga over Durmstrang boys – especially the two strikingly handsome twins leading the line – definitely showed that the Triwizard Tournament mood was instilled into everyone.

    Hermione: I suggest we all go to the Great Hall and enjoy the feast first before announcing the official start.

    Everyone began entering the Great Hall that was accommodated for the new guests. Meanwhile, Ron and Harry were chit-chatting among them as people were slowly stuffing themselves through the door.

    Ron: Look at those boys’ faces, Harry! It sure reminds us some days.

    Harry: Yeah, they remind me of you terribly.

    Ron: Oh come on, everyone – including you were getting your head turned by those Beauxbatons gals. Don’t present me as the lone culprit.

    Harry: I think you were the first one who was struck by them, my dear. May I remind you who nicknamed Fleur as a ‘veela’?

    Ron: Okay, I admit but f**k, she was such a beauty.

    Harry: Language, Ron! She’s your brother’s wife now. But those teen days were something though.

    Ron: Except that each year, we were cursed to face abnormal events, courtesy that the arch enemy of the greatest dark wizard was my best friend – well, definitely.

    Harry: I’m so thankful to you for reminding me that ‘small’ detail.

    Ron: Obviously, I’m the mind of our tandem afterall.

    Harry: But jokes apart, we had a blast with most moments. I barely regret any moment at Hogwarts.

    Ron: Barely? Still thinking of Cho?

    Harry smiled and gave a negative nod to Ron but didn’t really reply about what were his regrets at Hogwarts as they also crossed the Great Hall’s door.

    *some moments later*

    As most plates of the ongoing feast were getting cleaned, Hermione asked for everyone’s attention.

    Hermione: First of all, I’d like to welcome both school’s students as well as their Headmasters. The headmasters – Viktor Krum and Madame Maxime – will also be – along me – the exclusive jury of the tournament; in judging the champion.

    As almost all students’ attention aroused on hearing the word ‘champion’, Hermione tipped her wand onto the jewel-encrusted casket; as the lid fell down and the Goblet of Fire rose up.

    Hermione: This Cup will be the ultimate selector of our 3 champions. As I said earlier, only those having 17 years or older can take part and subsequently, put their names in the Cup. But, to prevent any kind of ill-circumstances like in the last tournament – alluding to Harry’s participation, the boundaries towards the Cup will be re-enforced.

    This certainly pricked many’s attention especially the cheaters, who planned diverse schemes in the last days but, perhaps was about hear things that, were going to dust off all their hopes.

    Hermione: Besides, a personalized Age line drawn around the Cup, that’ll prevent anyone underage to cross it, two more measures have been decided to wipe off most temptations of those under 17. First of all, a magical Quill has been left nearby the Cup. Only those fitting age requirements can grab that Quill ‘safely’. Thus, even if you miraculously cheated your way through the Age line, it will be wiser for you and your fingers to stay away from the Quill. Also, all names written with some other Quill will not be considerate for selection by the Cup. And lastly, to prevent any underage student to submit their names by intermediate of an elderly person, this Quill will also have another feature. Once you wrote your name with that Quill and dropped it into the Goblet of Fire, the ‘written’ name will be changed into your ‘real and complete’ name.

    The students below the Year 7 had a heavy feel to create uproar over the strict measures that perhaps dashed all their glimpsed shot at glory.

    Hermione: Finally, I wish remind any of you wishing to compete that this tournament is not to be entered into lightly. Once a champion has been selected by the Goblet of Fire, there’ll be absolutely no turning back. The placing of your name in the goblet constitutes a binding, magical contract. Therefore, be wholeheartedly prepared – both mentally and physically - to play before you drop your name into the goblet. The champions will be announced at tomorrow’s dinner. The Grand Hall’s door will be open all day and night till then, for any wishful student to drop their names. On this, I think it’s high time to say goodnight.

    [Next morning at Hermione’s office]

    Harry: You called for me?

    Hermione: Yes! I wanted to ask you a favor.

    Harry: Really? What is it?

    Hermione: I’d like it to be you who grab the names from the Goblet tonight and announce the Champions.

    Harry: Why me? It’s you, the Headmistress.

    Ron: It isn’t that hard to guess. You have quite a history with that Goblet.

    Hermione: Precisely. I think you’d be the better person for this.

    Harry: Well, I guess I’ll do it.

    Ron: Good thing. Anyways, Hermione, any idea of who’s the favorite to represent Hogwarts?

    Hermione: Well, we haven’t been here for long and with everything going-on; I didn’t really go into each student’s detailed performances. Maybe Professor Harry could enlighten us more than I can.

    Harry: Well, most of the 7th year, I’ve worked with, in the last 4 days were good. Hufflepuff have 2 bright students while there’s someone who’s pretty skilled in dueling in Slytherin but unfortunately, he’s pretty rash.

    Ron: A Slytherin stereotype but I do hope that no Slytherin represent the school. Anyone from good ol’ Gryffindor?

    Harry: Well, there’s someone but he’s pretty a quiet and laid-back boy. He has got full marks in the recent assignment I gave and is extremely skilled in practical too.

    Ron: Sound like a diamond in the rough. What’s his name?

    Harry: I don’t know his full name. He’s too secretive for confidence but I’ve heard his first name thanks to his friends calling him. It’s Alistair, if I remember. Perhaps, you can check for it, Hermione.

    Hermione: Let me see the Student’s directory. Accio Directory!

    As the director fell onto her desk, she made another wand movement as the pages turned quickly.

    Hermione: Here we are….Hmmm, Alistair Cyrus. There’s very few information on him. One interesting fact is that he came on someone’s special recommendation. It doesn’t say on whose name though.

    Ron: That’s strange. I hope, he’s not one of those spoiled brat.

    Harry didn’t answer back. It’s true that since he barely talked to him, his nature remains extremely complex. The day passed quickly, however and the time for the announcement of champions arrived. The candle-lit Great Hall soon filled up as the Goblet of Fire became the centre of attention.

    Hermione: The time for submission ends now. The Goblet will soon be announcing its 3 champions. I’d like to request Mr. Harry Potter to announce the selected champions’ names – being the winner of the last Triwizard Tournament.

    Hermione waved her wand to turn the bright candles into a dim-blue light as Harry came near the Goblet of Fire.

    Albus: So, Dad was the last winner? He never told me.

    James: Well, me neither. He’s too awesome.

    Rose: Shut up! The champions are going to be announced soon.

    Suddenly, the Goblet of Fire turned red and with everyone’s astonishment, two flame shots popped into the air as Harry grabbed both parchments simultaneously. Harry copiously looked both parchments as he felt a bit perplexed. Without hesitating more, he publicly turned to Krum at the Professor’s table.

    Harry: Krum, I need some explanation.

    Krum: The first time the Goblet turns Red, it announces the champion for Durmstrang. So, I’d suggest you read out the name; or as you’ve guessed already - the names.

    Harry: …

    Harry: The champion – rather, champions – of Durmstrang are Aeolus Aesalon and Neolus Aesalon!

    The twins of Durmstrang got up as Krum and most of the Durmstrang students clapped loudly for them. Their facial traits were strikingly identical. Both had short brown hair – though Aeolus was of a lighter brown color – and both had next the same hairstyle; except that the fringe of Aeolus was swept to the right while that of Neolus were in the opposite direction. Krum got up from his chair to applaud his two champions.

    Krum: Congrats, I’m sure both of you will make the school proud. And if I may have everyone’s attention, as you all know, the Goblet’s decision is final and irrevocable. But I’d like to say that Neolus and Aeolus is a single contestant.

    Hermione: What do you mean?

    Krum: I’m sure; a live demonstration will interest you all, more than my words.

    Aeolus and Neolus suddenly joined their palms as they slowly fused with each other and became conjoined Siamese twins as everyone watched agape.

    Krum: They are Siamese by birth and even if they were separated afterwards, it’s peremptory for them to fuse together every 6 hours. That, being said, the Goblet of Fire selected both and thus, can compete together as Durmstrang ‘sole’ champion.

    Hermione gazed Krum as she knew that Krum wilily outfoxed all of them and decided to move on.

    Hermione: Aeolus and Neolus, please go to the next chamber and Harry, move on. The Goblet’s decision cannot be changed.

    The Siamese passed by side Harry; as Harry noticed that there was something with their eye color but couldn’t see it properly.

    The Goblet turned red soon again as another piece of parchment fluttered out of it and Harry grabbed it.

    Harry: The champion for Beauxbatons is Stéphanie Celia!

    A beautiful girl, with long platinum blonde hair, gracefully stood up. She walked towards Harry – who welcomed as he couldn’t evade from smelling her delightful sensuous perfume - and went to the next room.

    Harry: And at last…

    In a wait of excitement to know the Hogwarts champion, the Goblet turned red again as the fourth piece of parchment propelled from the flame-shot.

    Harry: The Hogwarts Champion is…

    Harry looked onto the parchment but seemed to be flustered about it. He stared at it blankly and continuously as if he was frozen completely.

    Hermione: Harry?

    Harry: The champion is…

    Everyone: …

    Harry: Alistair Emberic Cyrus…

    He looked towards a lonesome boy at the Gryffindor table; who lift up the glance of his wine-red eyes towards Harry; as Harry completed his sentence by announcing the full name…

    Harry: …Dumbledore!


    ~END OF CHAPTER~


    Next Chapter Entitled: TBD


    Okay, as promised, this was a quick release from me though, I strive badly to be able to cope with that promise and with the FF Contest deadline. This chapter was the longest I've ever wrote. I hope you enjoyed it as there were much development as many events occurred in this chapter. Also, please leave some comments after reading. I'd repeat that insights/feedback are the most important for a writer. I can't say when the next chapter will be though but stay tuned.
     
         
    Last edited by Escorpiius; 03-05-2012 at 02:00 PM.

  2. #2
    ǝsɔoɹdııns Escorpiius's Avatar
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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    @Mikey - Due to being rushed for reason you know, I couldn't get time to edit the 'Narrative' part structure as you suggested previously. I'll do so as soon as I can; hopefully before you get to read it. Same for replying the PMs.
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Really great chapter. I love how you give every character a role, from what people deem "useless" like Tenten to someone notorious like Gaara. My favorite part in this chapter was Tenten and the crew discovering the corpses. I really like where you're going with the two worlds trying to connect their moves.

    And loved the ending. I like where this FF is going.
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    It was good but one thing I noticed you said the names of the champion will be announced the next day at dinner while you announced them after a few days and a few barely noticeable spelling mistakes that i forgot where they were
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    @Mikey - Due to being rushed for reason you know, I couldn't get time to edit the 'Narrative' part structure as you suggested previously. I'll do so as soon as I can; hopefully before you get to read it. Same for replying the PMs.
    That's totally alright and I understand too well

    I'll read it as soon as I'm available, but for now I have to focus a little on my own FF. So look for my review on either tomorrow or Tuesday
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Spicer View Post
    Really great chapter. I love how you give every character a role, from what people deem "useless" like Tenten to someone notorious like Gaara. My favorite part in this chapter was Tenten and the crew discovering the corpses. I really like where you're going with the two worlds trying to connect their moves.

    And loved the ending. I like where this FF is going.
    Glad you liked it. :D

    I certainly try to juggle as much as I can with as many characters as possible. I'm glad that my readers do notice that fact. Though it's far from a success since I have to improve on many fronts, this was almost something I sincerely tried to do with main/supporting characters from both worlds. S yeah, this ranges from high ranking ninja such as Kakashi/Gaara, less screen-timed characters such Tenten/Kankuro, main characters such as Naruto. Same for wizards - though I use the old trio preferably, I try to support supporting characters such as Krum or Neville; along with the new characters from Rowling and mine.

    Yeah, I love the corpse search too along with the ending. Thanks...

    Quote Originally Posted by mangekyo byakugan View Post
    It was good but one thing I noticed you said the names of the champion will be announced the next day at dinner while you announced them after a few days and a few barely noticeable spelling mistakes that i forgot where they were
    I think I did it well. Re-read it, try pin-point the mistake and tell me though as I may be wrong.

    "The champions will be announced at tomorrow’s dinner. The Grand Hall’s door will be open all day and night till then, for any wishful student to drop their names. On this, I think it’s high time to say goodnight."

    Then, on the next morning, there's the angle at Hermione's office over favorites discussion and then:

    "The day passed quickly, however and the time for the announcement of champions arrived."

    Since the day passed, that makes it "tomorrow’s dinner."

    As for spelling mistakes, it's more than plausible since it's lengthy chapter and I did only one complete proof-reading correction. I was also in a bit of a rush. Hopefully, some readers might tell me where I can make correction.

    Thanks for your valuable points and keep following
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Too Awesome !
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    damn, your writing skills got hella better. ;3
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    That's totally alright and I understand too well

    I'll read it as soon as I'm available, but for now I have to focus a little on my own FF. So look for my review on either tomorrow or Tuesday
    I understand.

    I've edited the Narrative part by making it in light grey color. I've tried diverse things which didn't seemed to please me. This one seems to be sombre yet distinctive. See how you find it. If you've got better tips, I've be happy to listen to it since presentation is not my forte.

    Quote Originally Posted by pradattauchiha View Post
    Too Awesome !
    Thankies :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Avicii View Post
    damn, your writing skills got hella better. ;3
    :ghehe:

    Thanks. Writing-wise, this was a sub-par chapter though since the language is kinda ordinary. But it's was my longest to date so the praises makes me damn happy. xD
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Ok I re-read and made sure it was due to my eyes playing tricks and of course i'll keep following
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Great one. There is no doubt that u r really a very very good n talented also:D writer. Specially in this kind of dark shade talk no jutsu ur most of chapter r full of talk no jutsu but i never get bored by it i like ur way of writing or writing style. U r really very nice in it
    Storyline wise this is very nice and also one of ur best chapter ever. But my que is that title of ur ff is "6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles" ok? but where is 6th hokage?? From some of last chapters u give so much show/role to hp(harry potter world) and push all ninja to corner. They are looks like in a guest role only. I know its very important 2 show the whole plote of story and i accept it. I'm not saying that u give so much show time 2 hp but 4 me its looks like that u cut the show time of ninja's.
    This ff is abt 2 a mix story of 2 different-2 worlds. So u must give both 50-50 show time or it can be 45-55. But now its seems like 20(naruto)-80(hp). Also again its about 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles means u should focus on ninja more then hp. Its 11th chapter and only thing naruto/ninja did is that they came in this world,two very short fights n a little more things only. Do u think its suitable 4 title??? And according to ur current storyline i have a feeling that ur next few chapter also will be full of hp coz of goblet of fire.
    U should give more show time to ninja/naruto. Well this is my personal opinion only and i like naruto more then hp so take it as a friendly opinion only and never mind it
    [again very good job writing wise i really love ur writing style in this chapter so keep it up]
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Quote Originally Posted by mangekyo byakugan View Post
    Ok I re-read and made sure it was due to my eyes playing tricks and of course i'll keep following
    Thank God

    Quote Originally Posted by +Kyon+ View Post
    Great one. There is no doubt that u r really a very very good n talented also:D writer. Specially in this kind of dark shade talk no jutsu ur most of chapter r full of talk no jutsu but i never get bored by it i like ur way of writing or writing style. U r really very nice in it
    Storyline wise this is very nice and also one of ur best chapter ever. But my que is that title of ur ff is "6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles" ok? but where is 6th hokage?? From some of last chapters u give so much show/role to hp(harry potter world) and push all ninja to corner. They are looks like in a guest role only. I know its very important 2 show the whole plote of story and i accept it. I'm not saying that u give so much show time 2 hp but 4 me its looks like that u cut the show time of ninja's.
    This ff is abt 2 a mix story of 2 different-2 worlds. So u must give both 50-50 show time or it can be 45-55. But now its seems like 20(naruto)-80(hp). Also again its about 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles means u should focus on ninja more then hp. Its 11th chapter and only thing naruto/ninja did is that they came in this world,two very short fights n a little more things only. Do u think its suitable 4 title??? And according to ur current storyline i have a feeling that ur next few chapter also will be full of hp coz of goblet of fire.
    U should give more show time to ninja/naruto. Well this is my personal opinion only and i like naruto more then hp so take it as a friendly opinion only and never mind it
    [again very good job writing wise i really love ur writing style in this chapter so keep it up]
    First of all, thanks for your praises on my writing style and on the story. I know, my chapters are usually really verbose; with only 2 battles (Sasuke v/s Naruto and Naruto/Sasuke v/s Madara) and 2 semi-battles (Naruto v/s Slughorn and the Ninjas v/s Edo-McGonagall). I know it seems very few in the 11 chapters tally but it won't be long before I tend seriously with the battles portions. Plot is what mattered really to me when I started this FF and for the crossover to be as effective as possible, I progressed with it gradually.

    I knew from the start, that this will be a long FF. I could have mindlessly create a tournament between ninjas and wizards and write battle chapters each week but I went it in my way with build-ups. For that, perhaps it may ticked off some of my readers obviously but what I do hope is that I make their patience pay off soon. I never knew anything in the FF business, so I want to improve. With insights like yours, I get to understand the pulse of my readers better and I hope that these kind of comments keeps coming.

    As for the 6th Hokage part, it made me but I'll explain it. This FF was meant to resolve around Naruto as central character with numbers of supporting characters and Kabuto as prime antagonist. I chose this title because I felt it it reverberates the goals of the 6th Hokage. The 'Dimensional' word was added for the crossing over but I actually added 'Chronicles' thoughtfully. I thought that it mirrored the time chase of the 6th Hokage with Kabuto and it also reflected that the story wasn't about 6th Hokage's life but that it was about the last objective of the 6th Hokage. To reach those goals, he doesn't need to be alone but could need a whole slew of characters by-side him. In short, I want Naruto as titular character whose objectives holds the plot but as a main character who shares footage with other characters; not one who over-shadows everyone.

    On the percentage factor, well as I said, the chapter 8, 10, this chapter and the upcoming one have large portions on wizards. I never denied that. But still, we should not forget that the first 3 chapters and the Battle Chapters had almost no relation to wizards and was almost 100% about ninjas. These recent chapters are like balancing the first ones. In between, I tried to give both ninjas and wizards nearly equal importance. Perhaps, it didn't seemed that way because there weren't much action to elevate the ninjas portions and because the mood was very magically set; being in Wizarding World. Still, those in-between chapters have almost equal footage if you check it carefully; especially the amount of dialogues each one gets.

    This FF will have more of Naruto very soon; it's certain and unavoidable. So rest assured on that part.
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Plz keep writing its amazing and youve got me hooked!
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    I liked how you orchestrated a wizarding class teaching. It was funny to see how the students interacted with each other and how they attempted to learn new charms. Rose sure has it bad for Scorpiius-she likes bad boys I was wondering for awhile how you would integrate magic/jutsu and I was surprised (in a good sense) to see how you finally began to unveil that in this chapter I was a bit weirded out by Ino’s specs lol However, I loved how you incorporated her talents as I love her character ^.^ She and Sakura are my favorite kunoichi and I think they’re both hot :D As soon as you switched to the Forbidden Forest I was like "this gives me the feeling something may happen" and indeed something occurred that furthered plot which was the corpses! I also loved the scary Yamato face ^.^ What I found most unexpected was how you elapsed what they learned from Flitwick’s consciousness. I liked when Ron mentioned Cho and its too bad that she didn’t end up with Harry in the end as I really liked their pairing. I wonder if she will make an appearance in your story lol It was humorous how Hermione pulled all the stops in ensuring the age limitation success and her speech made any cheaters think twice. I thought what you did with the selection of the Aesalon twins was unique as it was intriguing. I wonder how their eyes will play a role in the future. I liked the ending and it seems as though things have been building up to this-I can’t wait for the following chapter!
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuroi Honoo View Post
    I liked how you orchestrated a wizarding class teaching. It was funny to see how the students interacted with each other and how they attempted to learn new charms. Rose sure has it bad for Scorpiius-she likes bad boys I was wondering for awhile how you would integrate magic/jutsu and I was surprised (in a good sense) to see how you finally began to unveil that in this chapter I was a bit weirded out by Ino’s specs lol However, I loved how you incorporated her talents as I love her character ^.^ She and Sakura are my favorite kunoichi and I think they’re both hot :D As soon as you switched to the Forbidden Forest I was like "this gives me the feeling something may happen" and indeed something occurred that furthered plot which was the corpses! I also loved the scary Yamato face ^.^ What I found most unexpected was how you elapsed what they learned from Flitwick’s consciousness. I liked when Ron mentioned Cho and its too bad that she didn’t end up with Harry in the end as I really liked their pairing. I wonder if she will make an appearance in your story lol It was humorous how Hermione pulled all the stops in ensuring the age limitation success and her speech made any cheaters think twice. I thought what you did with the selection of the Aesalon twins was unique as it was intriguing. I wonder how their eyes will play a role in the future. I liked the ending and it seems as though things have been building up to this-I can’t wait for the following chapter!
    Finally, someone who pin-pointed and liked diverse things I've added in this chapter. I was about to think everyone else didn't understand it all well due to my writing or that they read another story Anyways, thanks for this review.

    Yeah, the Charms class was always thought out to be the first medium to connect Magic/Jutsus learning and I'm glad you liked both the interactions and the attempts. I appreciate that someone cared in how I integrated this part; especially since I did put some anticipation on this co-learning in previous chapters.

    As for Rose, well, I've always wanted to do this pairing. Among the kids, this one was the one I was sure about. There's something that endears me to this pairing. I also like the contrast of families situations of those two.

    Ino's specs...well I'll cut it short - I gave her specs because I find blondes with specs hot :D That's about it. There were no deep thinking on this one. Just random add-on. She did had interesting parts in this one though as you rightfully said.

    So, the Forbidden Forest seemed to have clicked. I must say I like that part very much. There's a part I cut in that scene though as I find that it will fit better later; though I'm having second thoughts now if I'll get space for this. Scary yamato is awesome >.>

    Ah, all hail you! xD I'm glad you talked about the way I cut the revelations from Flitwick's mind. I'm keeping this one for later It's some surprise package as what occurred with this training and to what extent it was successful or a failure.

    Ron/Harry's chat was for fun and lighting the mood. Cho/Harry and Ginny/Harry got quite some similarities with Sakura/Naruto and Hinata/Naruto. I guess that's a reason I like Ginny/Harry pairing though Cho/Harry's pairing looks better "aesthetically". Cho might have a role later on but I won't give spoilers on this one.

    Yeah, the idea of having Hermione giving that speech was to end all chances for cheaters before coming up with fox-move of Krum with his Twin Champions. I'm glad you keenly noticed their eyes' factor. You sharp analysis of this chapter made me feel like my chapter did manage to get its main points nonetheless. That was what I was more afraid of with the feedback I've got before you.

    And yeah, the ending is very dear to me and as you rightfully noticed, I was kinda building up to this since some chapters now. I'm ultra-elated with your feedbacks and glad you liked it :D
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    extremely good as always , it has a lot of suspense, and it makes me not wanna stop reading then when its done im like ahh :D Cant wait for the next chapter, Great job with developing an awesome plot and characters rather than just like a battle hehe it makes it soo much better
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Quote Originally Posted by Darth Atlas View Post
    Plz keep writing its amazing and youve got me hooked!
    Thanks. I'll keep you updated on new releases if you wish.

    Quote Originally Posted by JirayiaRIPforever View Post
    extremely good as always , it has a lot of suspense, and it makes me not wanna stop reading then when its done im like ahh :D Cant wait for the next chapter, Great job with developing an awesome plot and characters rather than just like a battle hehe it makes it soo much better
    I'm glad someone feels that way with my chapter. Thanks for everything :D
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    I love the plot line, and the way you add the Tri Wizard Tournament in it, I'm sure that will play a huge role in the upcoming chapters. The characters are quite good, the only thing I didn't understand was Harry's scar, since the piece of Voldemort's soul, that was attached to Harry's and made the communication possible, was destroyed when Voldemort tried to kill Harry... But besides that everything is really good!!
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    Finally, someone who pin-pointed and liked diverse things I've added in this chapter. I was about to think everyone else didn't understand it all well due to my writing or that they read another story Anyways, thanks for this review.

    Yeah, the Charms class was always thought out to be the first medium to connect Magic/Jutsus learning and I'm glad you liked both the interactions and the attempts. I appreciate that someone cared in how I integrated this part; especially since I did put some anticipation on this co-learning in previous chapters.

    As for Rose, well, I've always wanted to do this pairing. Among the kids, this one was the one I was sure about. There's something that endears me to this pairing. I also like the contrast of families situations of those two.

    Ino's specs...well I'll cut it short - I gave her specs because I find blondes with specs hot :D That's about it. There were no deep thinking on this one. Just random add-on. She did had interesting parts in this one though as you rightfully said.

    So, the Forbidden Forest seemed to have clicked. I must say I like that part very much. There's a part I cut in that scene though as I find that it will fit better later; though I'm having second thoughts now if I'll get space for this. Scary yamato is awesome >.>

    Ah, all hail you! xD I'm glad you talked about the way I cut the revelations from Flitwick's mind. I'm keeping this one for later It's some surprise package as what occurred with this training and to what extent it was successful or a failure.

    Ron/Harry's chat was for fun and lighting the mood. Cho/Harry and Ginny/Harry got quite some similarities with Sakura/Naruto and Hinata/Naruto. I guess that's a reason I like Ginny/Harry pairing though Cho/Harry's pairing looks better "aesthetically". Cho might have a role later on but I won't give spoilers on this one.

    Yeah, the idea of having Hermione giving that speech was to end all chances for cheaters before coming up with fox-move of Krum with his Twin Champions. I'm glad you keenly noticed their eyes' factor. You sharp analysis of this chapter made me feel like my chapter did manage to get its main points nonetheless. That was what I was more afraid of with the feedback I've got before you.

    And yeah, the ending is very dear to me and as you rightfully noticed, I was kinda building up to this since some chapters now. I'm ultra-elated with your feedbacks and glad you liked it :D
    I’m glad to be the first but to read and understand your chapter shouldn’t be hard as it is practically identical to Kishi/J.K. Rowling thus I am able to relate/acknowledge your work The Rose/Scorpius paring I suppose didn’t take to me initially however over time it definitely grew on me and I have to say that I like it and the families in between are interesting indeed ^.^ I see and let me just saw that I loved Shiho (don’t know if I’ve ever sheared this with you) but I fell in love with her as I have a soft spot for Ino and she is like what?-Her brainiac double who seemed to be attracted to Shika :D Thus in that aspect I suppose the specs would compliment Ino just fine even though I’m not crazy about glasses at all but for these two it bypasses this lol

    Yes the corpse scene had a somewhat eerie touch Then I cannot wait for the Flitwick revelation! ^.^ Nice and I’m looking forward to Cho’s addition if so. I was disappointed that the author chose Ginny instead of Cho. I know she was hung up on Cedric but it seemed as though by the final book she had overcame it and yearned for Harry’s attention, etc. to which was rudely taken away by Ginny. Plus the Ginny/Harry relationship blossomed to quickly in my opinion. The author didn’t integrate them properly which I think was another reason why I wasn’t happy with their eventual paring in the end. I know its over but it is how I feel lol I thought the heavy cheating restriction courtesy of Hermione was brilliant and humorous simultaneously! Just keep up the fantastic work that you magically create
     
         

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    Re: 6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

    I love ur way of writing and i believe this is the best i read so far One thing I'm not comfortable with is the title u have given for the fanfic. I don't find it relating to the story. And u seem to focus more in Hp too .No offense but when i read the story I was like HP in naruto!! Overall, I believe its one of the best crossovers I've ever read.U also seem to have a thorough knowledge of HP especially the "dark talking" was pretty unique.It seems that u have the whole story sorted out.U have added a marvelous originality to the characters .. especially Hermione...so realistic in her rules.And the chapter's ending was fabulous.Do keep up the good word:o.I am looking forward to ur works.:D
     
         

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