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  1. #1
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    Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Chapter 23: The Beginning of a New Beginning


    Night still lingers over the village of Suna, the tension still thick from the events that have just passed over the village. The Jomae intruders have all been tracked down and killed by the shinobi of Suna, and the villagers have been cleared to return to their dwellings. However, Suna is on lock down, the village has tightened it's security and several squads have been deployed to get to track down the hidden Jomae village.

    “Gaara-sama, we have the body count for the deceased. A little over 100 people, civilian and shinobi alike have been taken out by the Jomae and the Shukaku.” A shinobi says to Gaara, who stands staring out of the window of his dwelling. He stands in deep thought over the situation that just occurred in the village.. He worries about the ominous feeling he had just before the attack, however his main concerns lay with Koichi.

    “Go ahead and prepare any arrangements that need to be taken.” Gaara comes out after several seconds of silence. The shinobi bows his head and exits the room, leaving the Kazekage. *Koichi...*
    ~At Suna's Hospital~

    The hospital staff is in a frenzy, several shinobi and civilians alike have been injured during the brief battle, despite the superiority in Suna's numbers, the ambush from the Jomae was completely unexpected, not to mention the inside Intel of the village's workings somehow being worked into the Jomae shinobi's grasps. Suna has suffered a minor yet serious blow in only a few short hours.

    As the staff remains worked up with the injured, Koichi sits in the waiting area, just outside the operating room. He stares blankly into space, entranced in his mind, reliving his rampage as the Shukaku possessed him. *I almost killed Ryoko.* That thought keeps racing through his mind as he's constantly haunted by the memory of holding Ryoko by the throat, crushing her with every ounce of force he had. *How...how did I let it take control of me...how come I couldn't stop myself, why can't I remember anything else?*

    “Please calm down Masaomi.” A shrill voice lets out from across the hall.

    “Where is she?!” Another voice yells. Koichi snaps out of his trance and looks down the hall to see Masaomi, Koga, and Shizuko at the other end of the hall. Masaomi's expression is frantic, his body trembling with insatiability as he scours for his sensei. He looks down the hall and sees Koichi and his eyes widen with rage and hate. “You!” Masaomi darts with murderous intent in his actions towards Koichi.

    “Masaomi stop!” Koga yells trying to go after his rampaging teammate. His plea falls on def ears as Masaomi darts down the hallway. Koichi braces himself for the assault and at that moment, Masaomi makes the boar seal and disappears is a swift manor.

    *Shit this is his kekkei genkai, gotta stay sharp!* Just as Masaomi disappears Koichi pivots around, raises his left arm and a split second later Masaomi appears before Koichi, his right arm holding a kunai. Masaomi attempted so stab the blade down on Koichi but is blocked. The moment Masaomi appears Koichi lands a strong punch into his stomach, sending him into the wall a few feet behind him. “What the hell is the matter with you?!” Koichi shouts.

    “You killed her you bastard!” Masaomi yells as he pushes off the ground, tackling Koichi. He gets on top of Koichi and tries to bring down the kunai again. Koichi blocks the kunai again, stopping Masaomi's arm in mid descent. Without any challenge, Koichi lifts his arm placing, Masaomi in an arm bar and he kicks Masaomi's leg out from under him, flipping him over as he does and Koichi gets on top of Masaomi, pinning him to the ground.

    “You suck in taijutsu, you always have, now what the hell are you talking about?” Koichi says with demand in his voice.

    “Maiyuri-sensei! You killed our sensei!” He exclaims.

    Koichi's eyes widen in shocking disbelief at Masaomi's words “That's a lie! I didn't kill anybody!” Koichi says defensively.

    “You're a ****ing liar!” Masaomi forcefully turns himself over, breaking his right shoulder in sheer rage and gets from under Koichi and punches him in the face, knocking him down. “I saw you with my own eyes! I saw you kill her you god damn monster!”

    Koichi begins trembling in fear. “what...what did you...” He begins with shallow breath.

    “I saw you strike her down! I saw you kill countless other of our own comrades without a glimmer of hesitation or mercy.”

    “no...no I couldn't have I...I.” Koichi begins hyperventilating hearing Masaomi's voice like a blade, cutting through him. His voice is shallow in breath.

    “Don't act like you don't remember a thing! You went through the entire village, you killed more people then the shinobi who attacked our village, you're a monster and Gaara-sama is just letting you run around free?! You should be dead for what you've done!” Masaomi exclaims. Koichi continues to hyperventilate out of fear and utter confusion. Masaomi looks down at the ground where his blade lay and he picks it up and heads straight for Koichi. “I'm going to kill you!” He starts towards Koichi again but is stopped by Koga.

    “Masaomi control yourself we're in a hospital for god's sake.” Koga says with a lazy tone trying to calm his teammate.

    “What happened?” Koichi manages to cough up.

    Koga turns and looks at Koichi, who looks up at him terrified. Koga's face is filled with resentment as well, despite his collected demeanor, the darts of hatred that beam from Koga's eyes are all to apparent, only escalating Koichi's fear. “Everything Masaomi said was true, except the part about sensei dying. She's in critical care but we don't know if she's going to make it through. The wounds she sustained were through her liver and kidney, it would literally take a miracle for her to pull through.” Koga says with an emotionless tone. “However, she wouldn't be in this state if it hadn't been for you, you transformed into some sort of monster. We saw you demolishing the village as we were taking care of straggling villagers. You went through destroying everything in your path. We saw you heading towards where Ryoko and Maiyuri-sensei had went to and we followed. We saw you strike her down without any sort of hesitation. We were stopped by Takashi-sensei when we went to help, but we could only watch helplessly as you killed several other shinobi and nearly took out your own teammate.”

    “No...that can't be, it just can't? Shizuko, they're lying right?” Koichi exclaims. Shizuko backs up behind Koga looking at Koichi with utter terror. Koichi begins trembling even more at Shizuko's reaction to him.

    “I don't know what happened, and quite frankly I don't care.” Koga says.

    “I need to speak with Koichi, he's probably still feeling bad.” Ryoko says, walking down the corridor, towards the operating rooms. As she makes it to the end of the hallway and turns into the next, her eyes widen slightly seeing Koga, Shizuko, and Masaomi standing over Koichi. “What's going on?” she said softly to herself.

    “There's something inside you and whatever it is, it's the reason the hospital and the village is so frantic. You're the monster that killed and injured so many of our people. You're the reason that our sensei only has a 10% chance of living. Despite Masaomi's rashness you can't honestly blame him for wanting you dead.” Koga says his emotionless tone begins to become chilling like ice. “I feel the same way, but unfortunately, you're of some importance to the village, which is why Gaara-sama is keeping you around, but you should be locked in a cage somewhere.”

    “Hey!” Ryoko yells from the end of the hallway. The three genin turn to see her, her face is angered after hearing the words of Koga. She looks into the cold eyes of Masaomi and Koga, both sharing the hate for Koichi and Shizuko's baring eyes of fear and apprehension. Ryoko's anger escalates as she sees each of their eyes, she's left frozen and speechless as her body tightens.

    “He almost killed and you're coming to his defense?!” Masaomi yells.

    “Shut up! You don't know anything about this, who are you to talk to him like that?!” Ryoko shouts in rebuttal.

    “We're the ones who could only watch helplessly as closest thing to a mother was struck down by somebody we once called a comrade.” Koga's voice displaying heartbreak and tidbits of anger that leak from the normally emotionless voice. “All three of us are orphans and you have no idea of how much our sensei has done for us and now we may never get to see her again because of that.” Koga's voice escalates again, still generally quiet but dark in it's execution of his words as he points to Koichi.

    Koichi darts up past all three of the shinobi and runs past Ryoko. He makes his way down the hall, running as fast as he can away from everything.

    *Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!* Koichi crashes through one of the carts as he turns the corner of another hallway. He knocks down a nurse on accident, tumbling over as well. He gets up and looks at her frightened. “I'm sorry I...” She looks up at him and when she notices him her body cringes slightly and her eyes become fearful. “Please...please don't look at me like that.” Koichi begs. He extends his hand to try and help her up but she cringes again. Tears begin to flow down Koichi's eyes and he simply continues through the hospital, bursting out the door into the village.

    Ryoko clinches her fist as she looks back at Koga. “If anything you're the monster. Koichi would die for his village and anybody in it. This isn't his fault!”

    “Then who's is it?!” Koga shouts, unable to contain himself anymore.

    “Please sir, you need to stay on the bed.” A voice says from the operating room. “You need to be taken to recovery, you're wounds can still open up.”

    Koji comes bursting through the door, with one hand, holding his stomach where his wound is. He walks staggeringly out and faces the genin. “Koji?” Masaomi mutters.

    In a split second Koji appears between all three of the genin, he punches Koga in the ribs, knocking him back into the wall. Koga coughs just as he hits the wall and, not even a second later Koji's hand is on Koga's neck and he ram several punches into his stomach, breaking ribs as he does so.

    “Koji, what the hell are you doing?” Masaomi says reaching for Koji, the pain in Masaomi's arm from breaking it earlier finally kicks in and he hesitates slightly. Koji turns around and back fists Masaomi to the ground and steps on his back and grabs his movable arm.

    “Give me one good reason why I shouldn't break your other arm after talking to my brother the way you did?” Koji says in a low voice filled with anger.

    “Koji!” Ryoko calls out. Koji drops Masaomi's arm and gets off of him. Koji places his hand on his stomach again, and he walks over to Ryoko.

    “Ryoko...” Koji says softly, his head is down, his eyes concealed but the tears run down his face hard. “This is all my fault. I helped put the Shukaku inside him...I swore that I—”

    Ryoko puts her hand on his shoulder “Koji, that doesn't matter right now.” She says soothingly, “We need to go find him.” Koji wipes the tears from his face and nods in agreement with Ryoko, both the young shinobi leave the others and begin their way out of the hospital.
    ~In an Isolated Part of Suna~

    *why?* Koichi thinks to himself, *why can't I remember?* he clinches his fist just as tears begin to flow down his face again.

    Koichi begins hearing the voices of the villagers again, this time, they're real, the agony he feels about being ostracized, hurts him more then realizing his actions of killing several Sunagakure citizens. His heart beats slowly and heavily, each beat pounding against his chest, taking the breath out of his lungs. He sobs, in the fetal position as his heart aches. He holds his chest as he cries in fear *Mother...father...help me please*

    *Too bad, you're settling for your little brother* Koichi looks up behind him and sees Koji and Ryoko standing behind him.

    “What the hell are you doing idiot?” Ryoko says.

    “Koji-kun...Ryoko-chan?”

    “You can't learn to be quiet for the life of you can you, the medics doing my operation kept complaining, then you run away before I even come out? Some brother.” Koji says in his normal tone, yet obviously jokingly.

    “Get away from me.” Koichi says softly. Koji looks at his brother and he sighs. “I said get away from me! Didn't you hear? I'm a monster, I killed our own people. They were right, they were all right.”

    “You're not a monster.” Ryoko says soothingly out of character.

    “Then when the hell did you call what I did?! I almost killed you, you looked me dead in the eyes, what else would you call it?! HUH?!”

    “Koichi...” Ryoko lets out.

    “I...I became a monster the moment the Shukaku was sealed inside of me.” Koichi says. Koji expresses guilt on his face again. “I'm a monster who can't control his powers and I'm a danger to everybody. That wound Koji...that was from me wasn't it?” Koji turns his head away from his brother. “If it hadn't been for Gaara-sama, I would've killed the two most important people to me.”

    Ryoko's eyes widen as she remembers the words of Koji just after their mission and now she hears similar words come out of Koichi's mouth.

    “I'm—”

    “You said you couldn't remember anything right?” Koji says, cutting Koichi off.

    “I'm trying but I can't, but what does that have to do with anything?”

    “Because your body doesn't constitute as who you are, your mind and soul does and even if you can't remember, I can.”

    “What are you talking about?”

    “You were fighting from the moment that seal was released, you fought with every ounce of your being to fend off the Shukaku and what you don't know, and what others don't realize is that you're the one who stopped the Shukaku all on your own.” Koichi's eyes widen. “Koichi-nii-san, you're stronger then you give yourself credit for, what happened to you was through no fault of your own and I feel the agony in your heart. There's something you need to get through that thick head of yours is, while you're throwing yourself in the front lines to protect this village, when nobody else is there for you, you'll have us.”

    The sun begins to rise as the light illuminates over Koji and Ryoko. Both smile down at Koichi, and his heart no longer pounds with agony but happiness. He stands up and runs to both of them and embraces them both.

    “Thank you...thank you both.”

    The sun continues to rise over Suna, the light illuminating over the shadows of the night, despite this, the chill in the air still remains as if ice that can't be melted even through the harshest of fires. Darkness no longer lingers in the atmosphere but the stinging ice remains ominously over the village of Suna. False reassurance?

    Author's Note:
    This is a really hard hitting chapter for me, I feel it one of the most important pieces I display at this point in time and it will pave the way for later events. I really hope you like this chapter, it's really one of my favorites, please comment on what you liked disliked or think I could improve on here, thank you, this is for you sensei I hope I make you proud with this
     
         

  2. #2
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    reserved
     
         

  3. #3
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Yeah Sensei :overjoy: just wait until you read it.

    hope I make you proud.
     
         

  4. #4
    Senior captain 9th div. Kensei muguruma's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Very nice.
     
         

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    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Masaomi attempted so stab the blade down on Koichi but is blocked. (to stab)
    Without any challenge, Koichi lifts his arm placing, Masaomi in an arm bar and he kicks Masaomi's leg out from under him, flipping him over as he does and Koichi gets on top of Masaomi, pinning him to the ground. (this looks like a run on sentence maybe it's my mind playing a trick on me but there are A LOT of comas in this sentence. ; are your friend to you know ) Koichi says with demand in his voice. (just demands) Masaomi forcefully turns himself over, breaking his right shoulder in sheer rage and gets from under Koichi and punches him in the face, knocking him down. (1st and sounds better as a but since you repeat and again)

    no...no (No, capitalize first N) “What's going on?” she said softly to herself. (She) “He almost killed and you're coming to his defense?!” Masaomi yells. (I'm assuming there should be a 'you' in there) Koga's voice displaying heartbreak and tidbits of anger that leak from the normally emotionless voice. (Show him frowning as his eyes glaze over with hurt as his voice rises with anger a bit) (tired of looking for errors so I just finished reading the rest)

    Poor Koichi at least he still has two people supporting him and not seeing him as a monster. Good work but the way you were talking, I expected more grief.
     
         

  6. #6
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    Masaomi attempted so stab the blade down on Koichi but is blocked. (to stab)
    Without any challenge, Koichi lifts his arm placing, Masaomi in an arm bar and he kicks Masaomi's leg out from under him, flipping him over as he does and Koichi gets on top of Masaomi, pinning him to the ground. (this looks like a run on sentence maybe it's my mind playing a trick on me but there are A LOT of comas in this sentence. ; are your friend to you know ) Koichi says with demand in his voice. (just demands) Masaomi forcefully turns himself over, breaking his right shoulder in sheer rage and gets from under Koichi and punches him in the face, knocking him down. (1st and sounds better as a but since you repeat and again)

    no...no (No, capitalize first N) “What's going on?” she said softly to herself. (She) “He almost killed and you're coming to his defense?!” Masaomi yells. (I'm assuming there should be a 'you' in there) Koga's voice displaying heartbreak and tidbits of anger that leak from the normally emotionless voice. (Show him frowning as his eyes glaze over with hurt as his voice rises with anger a bit) (tired of looking for errors so I just finished reading the rest)

    Poor Koichi at least he still has two people supporting him and not seeing him as a monster. Good work but the way you were talking, I expected more grief.
    My auto correct sucks, especially with , and ; because open office always does it auto and it keeps doing that with my commas,

    I swear the 'you' was in there when I copy and pasted in here

    Koga's character isn't the type to show all that, the fact that he's raising his voice at all is a surprising feat, despite this being the first time he actually speaks in the series, his character isn't portayred as one who demonstrates high levels of emotion. The whole glaze thing may give him more then what I'm trying for, a lil, too heavy on the frosting of a cake kinda thing.

    It wasn't so much the grief but the ridicule that was getting to me, after all I did have Koichi refered to as 'that' meaning an object or a thing rather then a person, that was the part that got me the most, which is why I wanted Koji to do so much worse to him.

    Thank you for reading sensei You spoil me so
     
         

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    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    My auto correct sucks, especially with , and ; because open office always does it auto and it keeps doing that with my commas,

    I swear the 'you' was in there when I copy and pasted in here

    Koga's character isn't the type to show all that, the fact that he's raising his voice at all is a surprising feat, despite this being the first time he actually speaks in the series, his character isn't portayred as one who demonstrates high levels of emotion. The whole glaze thing may give him more then what I'm trying for, a lil, too heavy on the frosting of a cake kinda thing.

    It wasn't so much the grief but the ridicule that was getting to me, after all I did have Koichi refered to as 'that' meaning an object or a thing rather then a person, that was the part that got me the most, which is why I wanted Koji to do so much worse to him.

    Thank you for reading sensei You spoil me so
    I know lol just be more careful when you do your editing. Auto correct doesn't always catch everything.
     
         

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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    I know lol just be more careful when you do your editing. Auto correct doesn't always catch everything.
    No it screws up everything, I use the semi-colens but then out of nowhere they'll change into commas, or visa-versa.

    That happens as well as putting auto finishes on there, like when I begin typing a word, it'll fill in what it thinks I mean and then it'll confuse me then I'll want to strike my new computer but it's not her fault it's the program
     
         

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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Worst fanfiction eva
     
         

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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Quote Originally Posted by Ambriel View Post
    Worst fanfiction eva
    Second worse Uchiha fanboy ever, sorry, I know you're dream is to be the best, and you're on your way but there is somebody greater then you, keep at it. That being said if you have nothing to say on the actual story about why you think it's the worst then don't make a post because it's just plain ignorent kid.
     
         

  11. #11
    Senior Member MinatoFLASH's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    This chapter was amazing!!
     
         

  12. #12
    A senju within the uchiha Mizukata's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    im sorry!i didnt read,i gave quick glances,but from what i have seen you are an awesome writter...23 chapters?very nice,keep going!
     
         

  13. #13
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Awesome Chapter. In truly, this Chapter was a mixer of both a dislike and like for me. Though, I wasn't really enjoying it in the beginning, however, I did start to seem interesting as a kept reading. Keep up the good work.
     
         

  14. #14
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Quote Originally Posted by MinatoFLASH View Post
    This chapter was amazing!!
    Thank you :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Mizukata View Post
    im sorry!i didnt read,i gave quick glances,but from what i have seen you are an awesome writter...23 chapters?very nice,keep going!
    , you should read them when you get a chance, they're easier to follow and they get easier to read. Thank you, I try my best.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kichiro Fujimoto View Post
    Awesome Chapter. In truly, this Chapter was a mixer of both a dislike and like for me. Though, I wasn't really enjoying it in the beginning, however, I did start to seem interesting as a kept reading. Keep up the good work.
    There's a lack of emphasis in the action now for a lil while because there is a need to show the deeper intimacies of and actual personalities of the characters.

    Thanks for reading.
     
         

  15. #15
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    the same bigots they dont understand shit. the war should have clarified things
     
         

  16. #16
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII


    I need to remember to post these at the end of my first post before it's too late
     
         

  17. #17
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Quote Originally Posted by Ambriel View Post
    Worst fanfiction eva
    what the f*ck did you just say! Anyways Reborn, as for this guy's post let me just say he's banned for a reason, awesome chap, i 4got to comment on the last chap....I could go back...nah, I'm too curious to know what happens next. As for this chap, this was so good, my fav part was wounded Koji using the Shunshin defeating two ninjas of his level, awesome, and they totally deserved it!
     
         

  18. #18
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    Another one completed....good job
     
         

  19. #19
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    Re: Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden XXIII

    very nice great chapter
     
         

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