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  1. #1
    Member Naruto Namikaze 01's Avatar
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    Cursed Sword Of KillBane Chapter 3

    Chapter 3
    When Two Omegas Clash

    Jacob starts to walk towards them chuckling to himself. Thorn points his sword at him

    Thorn: that is far enough any closer and I will cut you down where you stand

    Jacob: such an enticing offer let us see if you can keep your word

    In blur Jacob draws his sword and rushes towards Thorn there is a clang as their swords clash Thorn pushes Jacob back Jacob comes back at Thorn slashing wildly Jacobs sword smashes into Thorns as he blocks each attack. Jacob swings as hard as he can a noise like exploding glass rings out Jacobs swords shatters part of the blade flies towards Tarlee slicing her arm before imbedding itself into the post next to her. Thorn looks over Tarlee hasn’t moved blood flows from the wound to her arm he looks back at Jacob and puts his sword away.

    Thorn: shall we settle this the old fashion way

    Jacob: been awhile since I got my hands dirty

    Tarlee watches on as Thorn and Jacob hit each other with bone crushing force throwing each
    other through the buildings surrounding them both not willing to back down. There is a blur of movement as both Thorn and Jacob trade more punches Tarlee cannot really see what is going on as buildings seem to crumble at will as what sounds like explosions are going off as each of them land punches that would be deadly to any normal person. When suddenly the fighting stops and standing in the middle of all the destruction is Thorn and Jacob a golden glow coming from Thorn and a blue glow coming from Jacob. They both rush towards each other again Thorn misses with his punch and Jacob grabs Thorns arm and slams his fist into Thorns stomach then grabs him and throws him through the second story wall of the building in front of him.

    For a few moments no one moves Jacob starts to laugh he turns around and walks towards Tarlee when Thorn bursts out of the second story window sword drawn ready it strike in one quick move Jacob picks up a metal bar laying on the ground and swings it just before Thorn can strike him the bar hits Thorn in the head sending him crashing into the statue in the middle of the fountain he collapse into the water. Jacob walks over and starts hitting Thorn again and again laughing harder with every blow he raises up the metal bar for one final blow when Tarlee screams Jacob looks over there is a Purple glow surrounding her Tarlee slowly gets to her feet breathing heavy the wound on her arm heals instantly she lifts her sword and points it at Jacob.

    Tarlee: you murdered our parents I will not allow you to kill anyone anymore you will pay for all the deaths you have caused.

    Before Jacob can move Tarlee is in front of him and with an upward thrust she pierces his chest blood flows down the blade and Jacob coughs blood comes from his mouth Tarlee slings Jacob off her sword to the ground. Jacob looks up at his sister
    Jacob: well played sister feel better now you have avenged everyone by killing your brother just remember that you killed your own brother
    Jacob gives one final laugh and closes his eyes.
    Tarlee goes over to Thorn who has crawled out of the fountain his wounds slowly regenerating Thorn looks over to see Jacob laying on the ground not moving then up at Tarlee

    Thorn: how did...

    Thorn notices her eyes are glowing purple and the blood dripping from her sword he pulls himself back to his feet using his sword as a crutch to get his balance

    Thorn: we have to get back to the cycle now I need to scan you

    Tarlee: scan me what for

    Thorn: because the Omega Gene in you is active need to know what level you are

    Tarlee: Ok but what if I turn out to be like my brother I don’t think I want to know

    Thorn: the chances of that are 50/50 we have to know either way

    Tarlee: I guess you are right do you need help you look really beat up

    Thorn: I’ll be ok survived worse than this. Just give me a few minutes to recover fully

    The flickering of the solar shield above them stops and the hum of it working normally returns a rush of water starts to fall putting out the fires and a gust of wind clears out the smoke as the fire containment systems activate. Thorn and Tarlee walk back to the entrance a figure enters the centre of the settlement from the shadows just as they leave and stands next to Jacob’s lifeless body he pulls out a strange looking blaster and fires it at Jacob his body begins to shake and a blue glow appears and the wound to his chest heals Jacob draws in a sharp breath then is silent.

    Unknown figure: your work is not done yet Jacob.

    He presses a button on a device on his ear

    Unknown figure: I need a pickup in sector 18 I have him.

    link to chapters 1 & 2
    http://www.narutobase.net/forums/sho...d.php?t=152833
     
         
    Last edited by Naruto Namikaze 01; 05-05-2012 at 08:21 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member serenaandrosie's Avatar
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    Re: Cursed Sword Of KillBane Chapter 3

    Nice i like it keep it up
     
         

  3. #3
    Senior Member marvinkid's Avatar
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    Re: Cursed Sword Of KillBane Chapter 3

    awesome ;3, nice work :D
     
         

  4. #4
    Kuroi Honoo's Avatar
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    Re: Cursed Sword Of KillBane Chapter 3

    Fairly short chapter but I’m not complaining as I personally am not fond of huge chapters lol I hadn’t even considered Tarlee’s Omega to activate even though it was to be somewhat expected due to her emotions. Which could mean an inactive Omega can become active due to emotional distress. Thorn was receiving such a beating it almost seemed like he wasn’t going to make it out alive. I liked that she awakened sort of speak and the unexpected ending. I wonder what exactly is the deal behind the people who in cahoots with Jacob. It appears as though he is being used but has it been from the beginning or was it his own decision. With each release the story becomes more interesting so please do keep up the good work.

    Something that may help your narrative paragraphs are to add commas at points where it seems to be too much in a sentence. Otherwise the sentences will look like a mass of words. Periods help to end a sentence and you can add them to sentence whether short or long so don’t hesitate and commas act to separate and pause in a sentence so it sounds more correct. Feel free to ask me for any more help concerning your FF
     
         

  5. #5
    Member Naruto Namikaze 01's Avatar
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    Re: Cursed Sword Of KillBane Chapter 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuroi Honoo View Post
    Fairly short chapter but I’m not complaining as I personally am not fond of huge chapters lol I hadn’t even considered Tarlee’s Omega to activate even though it was to be somewhat expected due to her emotions. Which could mean an inactive Omega can become active due to emotional distress. Thorn was receiving such a beating it almost seemed like he wasn’t going to make it out alive. I liked that she awakened sort of speak and the unexpected ending. I wonder what exactly is the deal behind the people who in cahoots with Jacob. It appears as though he is being used but has it been from the beginning or was it his own decision. With each release the story becomes more interesting so please do keep up the good work.

    Something that may help your narrative paragraphs are to add commas at points where it seems to be too much in a sentence. Otherwise the sentences will look like a mass of words. Periods help to end a sentence and you can add them to sentence whether short or long so don’t hesitate and commas act to separate and pause in a sentence so it sounds more correct. Feel free to ask me for any more help concerning your FF
    yeah decided to do it early with her omega seemed to fit when i was writing chapter 3. Thorn was going to make it sort of a naruto guy get an arse kicking yet keep on ticking, and as for the person that revived Jacob all will be come clear in the next couple of chapters. Thanks for your help,for reading and the rep i will have to check out your FFs handy if you could post the links on my profile won't have to seach that way.
     
         

  6. #6
    Kuroi Honoo's Avatar
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    Re: Cursed Sword Of KillBane Chapter 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Naruto Namikaze 01 View Post
    yeah decided to do it early with her omega seemed to fit when i was writing chapter 3. Thorn was going to make it sort of a naruto guy get an arse kicking yet keep on ticking, and as for the person that revived Jacob all will be come clear in the next couple of chapters. Thanks for your help,for reading and the rep i will have to check out your FFs handy if you could post the links on my profile won't have to seach that way.
    I see and thanks for elaborating some more on this chapter ^.^ The ending definitely strayed from anything cliched which is what a FF writer I think would hope for as reading the same thing with different characters, etc. isn't really enjoyable lol Yes, I can't wait for that unknown person's identity/objective to be revealed. Surely, I'll visit your profile next
     
         

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