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  1. #1
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Link to chapter 1:
    Here, Kitty Kitty

    Chapter 2:
    ~Zane's Determination~




    The guards on the road below scattered; two ran forward while the other three retreated back down. They narrowly missed being pummeled by the canines as they flew off on either side of the cat; taking with them chunks of flesh. Both dogs slammed hard, sending dirt flying in all directions. The feline smashed on its side, busting a small section of the road which tumbled down in pieces along with it. Still sliding down, the beast managed to right itself. Reaching the next tier, it landed on all fours before jumping off to the bottom.

    Six more hounds started their descent, taking the same path only gracefully. One of them was an Elder’s wolf who took lead. It became clear this was not being taken lightly. The twins stood at the edge, peering below as their beasts stood up to join in pursuit. This was where training came in; greater distance between master and animal meant that less control with willpower could be used. The more training the more reduced any chances of them losing focus and running wild.

    Sam was half glaring at his son. Part of him was angry, these things weren’t done without an instructor present due to the inherent danger; but at the same time it was an impressive feat, he expected no less from the boy. If only Zane had maintained control of it there wouldn’t be a problem. Bria recognized that look in his eye though; her brother was going to get a talking to for sure. At the moment he was too smothered by his worried mother in a most humiliating hug.

    “Mom, everyone’s staring…” He moaned. “I’m fine…promise.”

    “Sam, what happened here?!” Mathias huffed, stomping over to them. “It was one of your brats, wasn’t it?!”

    “Calm down, it’s not important right now.” That tone was also familiar; dad was definitely in that mode.

    “Calm?! Calm?! I’ll show you calm!”

    Sam grabbed him near the collar of his open coat as he stepped closer. “Shut…up!” Came out in a low, threatening growl.

    “Take your hand off me!” Mathias replied in a similar manner.

    After a moment of testosterone exchange, a loud thud broke out. “Enough!” Elder Damien said as he pounded his cane into the ground while standing amidst the ruckus.

    Everyone promptly stopped talking altogether; silence finally took over. It was his wolf that went chasing off leading the pack, accompanied by dogs from his two protégé who stood next to him on either side.

    “Will someone tell me what I just sent Raulf chasing after?!” He was referring to his long-time friend and pet.

    Damien may have been old, but he was physically strong enough to not even need that walking stick he carried; everyone knew it was just to make him look more distinguished, though no one dared to say it. Zane looked at his father whose green eyes met him. There was no need for words; Sam had always taught him one thing. He could here an echo of his dad’s voice, every speech he was ever given always ended the same way: ‘be a man’.

    The boy was finally starting to understand what it meant. It wasn’t the cruel admonishment of an overbearing parent like he used to think of it as; no, those words were supposed to take root and teach him to be a leader someday. Knowing full well what needed to be done, he stepped forward to address the question.

    “Wise Elder” he said appropriately for someone his age when speaking to a “gray hair” as the youngsters called them, a nickname that wasn’t considered to be in good taste. “A fiend is attacking the town.” He said in a confident voice that was enough to tug on Sam’s smile wrinkles.

    “Well I know that, kid. Tell me something I don’t!” Damien interrupted.

    After a quick swallow, Zane began to quickly explain the situation, mentioning also his part in it. Of course the old man just stood there waiting for it to finish with those unsearchable eyes. Once the briefing was over, the Elder Wolfe disregarded him entirely with no response. Instead he turned to give out orders for a secondary strategy should the pack fail to take down their prey and possibly end this rampage before it went too much further.

    Immediately several beast masters jumped into action. Two ran off, one going North and the other South heading for the rivers. A woman on a nearby rooftop gave a sharp whistle, summoning a large hawk that came screeching through the air. A man also did the same, only he called a pair of owls. The birds didn’t even need to land, as soon as they came in close enough proximity, rapid metamorphoses took place.

    Soaring overhead, they cast a shadow from the moon while displaying razor sharp claws attached to powerful feet and legs. Their wingspan was suddenly enormous, but instead of losing feathers like the others did fur, they became larger instead, though not able to hide the massive increase in muscle which swelled throughout. The ability to command birds was of much greater difficulty than land or sea creatures; it required the master to also transform the feathers for flight which were inanimate.

    Zane had always admired this; seeing the giant fowls soar above captured his mind for a moment. There wasn’t time to gawk though; he had made a mess and everyone else had to clean it up. His hands balled into fists as he heard the roar of his failed creation down below heading for the town. After trying so hard for so long only to have it end-up like this. He remembered being surpassed when the twins first made their beasts; his sister was also left behind by her friends. Some were speculating that their father had married a lemon since their mother Sarah couldn’t pull off the simplest of mutations.

    That was blatantly wrong since the proof was about to destroy Wolfegate. At this point though, Zane had gone from a failure to a problem. He was also aware that not only did his actions reflect on his father, but also on his family. If he just continued to do nothing, then he’d live with that shame as well. ‘There has to be something I can do’ he thought. He watched as the birds flew off to chase their prey, and that’s when Zane had an idea.

    The two men who had broken off for the rivers Nordri and Sudri had arrived at their respective places and put their hands in. As lightning is channeled by water, willpower is also transferred through it easily. The rushing waterfall wasn’t a problem either; they could feel the life force of those dwelling in them for miles. Even in the ocean they could command creatures to rise up and obey. As long as they touched the water, their will could control them.

    Several townspeople had heard all the noise and some were shouting about a tremendous beast they saw headed down the slope into the valley. Panic ensued on the eastern side and confusion permeated rapidly with it until even those near the sea were afraid of what might be happening. Several villagers from all three districts watched as giant fish suddenly burst out of the rivers and swam to and fro. This in itself only caused mild fear due to the fact that the water and fish in them were used to protect the town. What had people concerned was why such a tactic was being used. What was so dangerous?

    The next alarm that something had gone horribly wrong was the birds of prey swooping down from the Wolfe family district. This was enough to alert the entire town that something bad was coming. There wasn’t much time to flee though; several people barely managed to escape as the monstrosity plowed through the stone barrier wall and ripped through a house, shattering it to pieces like a toy. It had made its way into the Birk district; shops and trade stands were being smashed left and right.

    Raulf, Damien’s wolf, was right behind it followed by the dogs from the old man’s students. Even the Elder’s beast seemed like hardly a match for this creature, but still it led the way against the odds. The cat’s lopsided arm seemed to be synchronizing with its body before it expanded in size again; the growth itself threw it off balance which staggered the cat into a building, ripping half of it away. For some reason, either from fear or anger, Zane’s mutation continued to charge forward.

    The wolf and its pack were fast; they dashed across the splintered wood left in the wake of this rampage and caught up with their target in no time. Three of the dogs managed to grab hold of its backside which slowed it down just enough for Raulf to jump up. Latching on to the cat’s shoulder, he dug his sharp nails into its skin. His intelligence was shining as he used his will to direct the other canines into position. This was what a gifted animal could do; having been trained for so long by the Elder, he was superior enough to not only conduct an attack but also able to understand willpower and use it.

    It didn’t matter though; there wasn’t much that could be done. One of the dogs tried to bite down on a leg in an attempt to trip it; but was flung off and sent sailing into a small house which collapsed from the impact. Two more tried similar things, and that’s when the kitty decided it was time to fight. The road opened up a bit which gave the monster enough room to spin around as it stopped; digging claws into the ground and sending the three on its back flying off. Raulf was still on top of it, but that didn’t last; a huge paw came up and several nails stabbed him then threw him to the ground.

    This small break in the beasts charge was valuable to the townspeople; many were able to escape the middle district and make their way over the bridges spanning the wide rivers. The schools of fish would be more than enough to at least contain the threat and keep it from coming over as well. Even with the cat’s enormous size it would still have to jump in the river to cross and that alone would be enough to end this. Hungry fish with teeth against a cat in water makes an easy meal, even with a dramatic difference in size.

    “You know there will be repercussions after this…” Elder Damien said, addressing Sam.

    There was no reply; he knew all too well what something like this meant. Not only was the Wolfe responsible, but his son specifically. They were standing near the edge of the cliff where the fence was smashed leading down. The battle was in full view from there with a path of destruction leading up to it. Every time a building collapsed it drove home the immense danger that was unleashed simply due to carelessness. The old man could feel Raulf fighting the fiend; their connection was so great that his wounds practically hurt him as well.

    “Do you think we can stop it?” Sam asked, knowing that it won’t be easy to say the least.

    Damien glanced at the hawk and two owls “let’s find out…”

    At that moment they came swooping down at their target, the plan being to inflict as much damage as possible while distracting it from the Elder’s wolf. The owls didn’t even have a chance to pick this thing up, they merely followed suit with the leader, using their talons to rip open its back and sides. It was highly effective at first and certainly served its intended purpose. Raulf had time to plan his next attack and the throbbing pain from his bleeding wounds was a constant reminder that ending this quickly was the key to survival.

    Once again his pack went for the legs while the wolf ripped at the beast’s throat as it snapped in the air trying to fight the opponents above. Some bleeding came out of the attack, but it just wasn’t nearly enough. He wasn’t able to dig his fangs in enough before being knocked aside. The wolf knew that strategy was the key here, but there weren’t enough pawns to use. His side was in agony where the claws had dug in earlier, but he couldn’t let that affect him now. Finally, he heard his master’s voice; their telepathic link raised his spirits in this overwhelming fight.

    “Raulf, this cannot be won with force, you need to lead it away.” Damien told him.

    Saliva mixed with blood dripped from his snarling mouth. His crimson teeth flashed in the moonlight. Several small fires had broken out from oil lamps all around them. The birds were coming back down for another strike. Four of the dogs were relatively fine and ready for combat while the other two were in worse condition as they picked themselves up out of some rubble. The cat was announcing its anger through a series of growls; it was on the brink of charging again.

    “Father, I can stop it; I just need to get close.” Zane had gathered his determination and formed a plan. “I started it, so I’m the only one that can reverse it. I know I can do this, and you know it’s not going to just leave.” His voice was remarkably calm for what he was thinking about doing.

    Sarah was standing nearby gawking at the scene splayed out before them, but what he said snapped her out of it. “No, you aren’t going anywhere near that thing, you hear me?! You should be inside having those cuts bandaged.” She reached out to pull her son back to the house. “Bria, you too, inside, we’ll be safe in the basement.”

    Zane had always respected his mother, but this wasn’t the time for her pampering. He waved her hand aside gently, but firmly to let her know he was serious about this. “I need to get down there and the fastest way is to be flown in. All I need to do is get on its back and this is over. Either that or you can take your chances and hope it doesn’t go too far.” His voice was stern now, and he was talking to the Elder as well who silently took note of the boy’s words.

    “It’s too dangerous, listen to your mother.” Was all Sam said; he was glad his son wanted to do something, but he’d much rather the town be destroyed than lose a child.

    Damien just stood there acting like he wasn’t paying attention. His dark, hooded cloak flapping in a gust of wind, both hands on his walking stick; his white beard was sticking out just enough to be seen at this angle. He wasn’t about to interfere in this and Zane wasn’t about to ask him to.

    “After all that talk about how I should take responsibility for my actions, how I should do what I know is right…how I should be a man?!” What the sixteen year old wanted more than anything was to finally be accepted by his father. He also wanted to be treated with respect from the family for once. Lastly, he knew this whole incident was not only going to fall on his head, but his actions also reflected on the Wolfe as a whole.

    “I’m gonna’ try…are you gonna’ stop me?!”
     
         

  2. #2
    Senior Member Chakra Wizard's Avatar
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    The only problems I really see are grammar-wise. Other than that, well done
     
         

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    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    The only problems I really see are grammar-wise. Other than that, well done
    Well, it needs to be more descriptive, there needs to be some more emotion I think...I really don't have a feel for the buildings and stuff, especially not the town itself.

    What grammar issues did you see? It's hard for me to tell without scanning it thoroughly since Word likes it...but checkers don't catch silly stuff.
     
         

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    well done i can't wait to read more let me know when the next chap is out
     
         

  5. #5
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by Naruto Namikaze 01 View Post
    well done i can't wait to read more let me know when the next chap is out
    That was fast, lol. Sure thing, thanks.
     
         

  6. #6
    Senior Member Chakra Wizard's Avatar
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Well, it needs to be more descriptive, there needs to be some more emotion I think...I really don't have a feel for the buildings and stuff, especially not the town itself.

    What grammar issues did you see? It's hard for me to tell without scanning it thoroughly since Word likes it...but checkers don't catch silly stuff.
    It's not so much spelling, more as sentence structure, particularly in regards to the quotations.

    "They're normally constructed like this.", said Chakra Wizard.
     
         

  7. #7
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Like Chakra Wizard said, I only saw grammar wise mistakes.

    It was a really great chapter, and you should have more faith in it. You're just worried about it because you had Writer's Block.

    Damien glanced at the hawk and two owls “let’s find out…”

    Not sure, but the L should be capitalized, right?
     
         

  8. #8
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    It's not so much spelling, more as sentence structure, particularly in regards to the quotations.

    "They're normally constructed like this.", said Chakra Wizard.
    Ah, okay, I understand now. I know that's the normal way...but you should know by now that I'm not normal, wizard. I don't like that way... :lmao:

    Thank you, Netsui. Also, no, it shouldn't be capitalized since a new sentence hasn't started. I know, it's tricky. I don't agree with that rule, so sometimes I'll capitalize something like that anyway.
     
         
    Last edited by Shinobi Train; 07-25-2012 at 03:07 AM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Chakra Wizard's Avatar
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    Like Chakra Wizard said, I only saw grammar wise mistakes.

    It was a really great chapter, and you should have more faith in it. You're just worried about it because you had Writer's Block.

    Damien glanced at the hawk and two owls “let’s find out…”

    Not sure, but the L should be capitalized, right?
    Yeah, the dialogue still counts as a sentence, S. Train, so you gotta capitalize the beginning of those

    I think our little posse just moved to a different thread, guys
     
         

  10. #10
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Yeah, the dialogue still counts as a sentence, S. Train, so you gotta capitalize the beginning of those

    I think our little posse just moved to a different thread, guys
    Rule states though that dialogue is still part of a sentence. I don't think it would be capitalized...but now I want to double check just because you all are saying that.

    Yep, looks like the crowd moved over here.

    Edit: okay, type this into google: is dialogue part of a sentence. Top result should do.
     
         
    Last edited by Shinobi Train; 07-25-2012 at 03:12 AM.

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Rule states though that dialogue is still part of a sentence. I don't think it would be capitalized...but now I want to double check just because you all are saying that.

    Yep, looks like the crowd moved over here.
    Yeah, a piece of dialogue is supposed to be a sentence within the sentence, so it should be capitalized.
     
         

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Yeah, a piece of dialogue is supposed to be a sentence within the sentence, so it should be capitalized.
    This is tickling me all over. I'm not trying to prove that I'm right here, I'm just trying to find out the correct way, and dialogue is part of a sentence, I just checked.
     
         

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    This is tickling me all over. I'm not trying to prove that I'm right here, I'm just trying to find out the correct way, and dialogue is part of a sentence, I just checked.
    I know that I'm just saying that I'm positive it's correct.
     
         

  14. #14
    Bear fights can be grizzly saaaaaadpanda's Avatar
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    The only problems I really see are grammar-wise. Other than that, well done
    ^This. The actual style of the writing is pretty good, actually.
     
         

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    nice i enjoyed it keep it up plus rep and let me know when you release more
     
         

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    i love reading FF and urs is really good. it didnt give me a headache! thanks for making my time here on NB so worth while! and u are making this a book right? thats gonna be awesome!!!!
     
         

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    It's not so much spelling, more as sentence structure, particularly in regards to the quotations.

    "They're normally constructed like this.", said Chakra Wizard.
    Actually the comma isn't needed in this sentence. The reason for that is because you started off with a quote. If you wrote it:

    Chakra Wizard said, "They're...." then you would use the comma.

    I will post a link for you guys in the other thread so you can see what I mean and to clear all this up. -_-

    On topic: I will read your ff, just will be tonight when I have time and no distractions.

    Edit: Check out the social group guys I started a new discussion to help everyone. ^_^
     
         
    Last edited by ThatOneChick; 07-25-2012 at 03:02 PM.

  18. #18
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by saaaaaadpanda View Post
    ^This. The actual style of the writing is pretty good, actually.
    Yeah, there's also a ton of stuff I know I could improve a lot on. Thanks, panda sage! (you don't mind if I call you panda sage, right? )

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    nice i enjoyed it keep it up plus rep and let me know when you release more
    Thanks! I will!

    Quote Originally Posted by s0ciaL0utcast View Post
    i love reading FF and urs is really good. it didnt give me a headache! thanks for making my time here on NB so worth while! and u are making this a book right? thats gonna be awesome!!!!
    I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. I am making a book out of this story, but this is only like an outline that I'm writing, the real thing will have to be a lot better than this. Glad it didn't give you a headache.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    Actually the comma isn't needed in this sentence. The reason for that is because you started off with a quote. If you wrote it:

    Chakra Wizard said, "They're...." then you would use the comma.

    I will post a link for you guys in the other thread so you can see what I mean and to clear all this up. -_-

    On topic: I will read your ff, just will be tonight when I have time and no distractions.

    Edit: Check out the social group guys I started a new discussion to help everyone. ^_^
    Yes, it seems I was wrong about all that ...thanks Fi!

    Take your time.

    I'll check that out! sounds great! ^_^
     
         

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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Hey man :D
    Sorry I read it a bit too late :ghehe:
    I enjoyed reading the chapter and I say it's very good ^^
    Am very sorry I cannot give you any critiques you're a million times better than me in this
    The only thing I can say is...

    Urahara approved
     
         

  20. #20
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    It was Very enjoyable ^^ I liked it, sorry it took me a while to come over and actually read it ^^
     
         

  21. #21
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Well done! I'm really enjoying this :overjoy:
    It's fantastic D
     
         

  22. #22
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Quote Originally Posted by Narutokyuubii View Post
    Well done! I'm really enjoying this :overjoy:
    It's fantastic D
    Yeah, but wait until you get to chapter four. :zonder:
     
         

  23. #23
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    Re: Wolfe Chapter 2: Zane's Determination

    Sooooo beast, dude. I just can't get enough of this transformation thing. Even though you got your inspiration from Pokemon, your idea is still mostly original. And I can't wait for more characters to be added. Zane's companions or what not. I hope that he gets bros with different animals. Man, this would make such a good adventure novel.
     
         

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