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  1. #1
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Vengance! Chapter 1

    The Past


    Opening:
    6 years ago, there was war. Death, false worship, and injustice. In this day there was a constant battle between the Angels and Demons. And in between all of this were humans. Who suffered constantlyl due to this battle of good and evil. It seemed like humans were cursed to sufer eternally to the never ending battle. Until the gods intervened. The good gods came down and edned the war. With there semeelingly limitless life energy reserves.

    After the war there was a time of happiness and peace. The humans and the gods lived together in peace. While the demon lie low in the underworld plotting and scheming. In this time of peace humans thought that they could make peace with the demons as well. So they began to praise and sends prayers. for the demons. But the humans didn't know that through their prayers both gods and demons grew stronger from that. The boss demon known as Hades grew stronger as well as his many demon children. Discouraged by the humans betraying them and sending prayers to the demons. They abandoned the humans and returned to heaven. All the gods left them to fend for themselves. All except for one god who loved the humans too much. So much he actually fell in love with one female in particularly. That god and the female had intercourse and created a son. The boy's name was Izuma. Now since izuma was the offspring of a mortal and a god that made him have all human traits but also the life energy of a god.

    Ashamed by his actions of intercourse with a mortal. That god abandoned the mother with their son and returned to heaven. While on earth the mother raised the child to the best of her abilities. Just as everything seemed like it was perfect. Tragedy struck once again. When Izuma was 10 Hades surfaced once again. In an act of defiling the god's faces he killed, he killed Izuma's mother in front of Izuma's eyes. Mortified by the scene of his mother's death, Izuma swore that he would kill Hades.

    Izuma is now 16 years old and looks just like his father, whom he never met. Izuma lives at a local foster home. With kids just like him, abandoned by their father or mothers were killed. Izuma spends most of his time in his room isolated from others and trying his best to avoid others. In his spare time Izuma trains hard to get strong enough to kill Hades. To this day Izuma constantly thinks to himself thoughts like "why me" and "where are you"? Both thoughts were directed at the father he never met.

    Characters (So Far)

    Izuma rikuya- dark brown hair, light blue eyes, tall slightly built figure. Izuma is a tormented teen who trains hard daily to get stronger. Izuma does not know that his father is a god

    Izuma's mother-???

    Hades- Looks like the devil. Past has yet to be revealed.

    Izuma's father- A god(???)
     
         
    Last edited by Gèckö; 08-24-2012 at 02:28 AM.

  2. #2
    The Aspiring Writer ItachiLeeHatake's Avatar
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Wow, I love it! Great start, man. I actually loveee Greek Mythology and looks like it has a lot of GM references. Nice wording, but there's some typos. It's no biggy, though. Good job, dude! I'm a fan:D
     
         

  3. #3
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by ItachiLeeHatake View Post
    Wow, I love it! Great start, man. I actually loveee Greek Mythology and looks like it has a lot of GM references. Nice wording, but there's some typos. It's no biggy, though. Good job, dude! I'm a fan:D
    thanks bro you are the first
    i will try and spell check it later
     
         

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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Officially spell checked
     
         

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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Fantastic work mate, i would love to see more of your work in the future!
     
         

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    The Island Clans maiavarepz's Avatar
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    gonna be a good one, i can tell
     
         

  7. #7
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by Maderator View Post
    Fantastic work mate, i would love to see more of your work in the future!
    Quote Originally Posted by maiavarepz View Post
    gonna be a good one, i can tell
    thankyou thankyou
    chapter 2 will be out late tommorrow early saturday
    This would make a good theme for a manga no?:D
     
         

  8. #8
    The Island Clans maiavarepz's Avatar
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by The 4th Raikage View Post
    thankyou thankyou
    chapter 2 will be out late tommorrow early saturday
    This would make a good theme for a manga no?:D
    it wont be easy though, mainly because your going on a demi-god theme. you will have to bring more of your own story, because if it follows any other demi-god like story, then it will become predictable, so, keep it as close to original as possible. this is my 2cent piece

    as i said, this is a start to something good
     
         

  9. #9
    The Aspiring Writer ItachiLeeHatake's Avatar
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by maiavarepz View Post
    it wont be easy though, mainly because your going on a demi-god theme. you will have to bring more of your own story, because if it follows any other demi-god like story, then it will become predictable, so, keep it as close to original as possible. this is my 2cent piece

    as i said, this is a start to something good
    Great advice. Originality is the most important asset in a story. I've read all the Percy Jackson books and am currently reading The Lost Hero. So, I've read A LOT of demi-god stories. So, The 4th Raikage: Make it special, make it your own
     
         

  10. #10
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by maiavarepz View Post
    it wont be easy though, mainly because your going on a demi-god theme. you will have to bring more of your own story, because if it follows any other demi-god like story, then it will become predictable, so, keep it as close to original as possible. this is my 2cent piece

    as i said, this is a start to something good
    Quote Originally Posted by ItachiLeeHatake View Post
    Great advice. Originality is the most important asset in a story. I've read all the Percy Jackson books and am currently reading The Lost Hero. So, I've read A LOT of demi-god stories. So, The 4th Raikage: Make it special, make it your own
    you will see the special twist soon:D
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    This isan amazing fanfiction man. Vm me when the next chapter is out.
     
         

  12. #12
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by AmaniPaz View Post
    This isan amazing fanfiction man. Vm me when the next chapter is out.
    gotcha it should be out tommorrow
     
         

  13. #13
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    awesome intro! im going to read chapter two!
     
         

  14. #14
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    great
     
         

  15. #15
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    "The good gods came down and edned the war. With there semeelingly limitless life energy reserves." Ended and seemingly ^_^ Also what I read from your ff, you tend to use short sentence and repeat words a lot. A small piece of advice, if I may, is to combine the sentences and play with the wording a bit so you're not saying the same words constantly.

    It reminds me of the Clash of the Titans serious and it's interesting. Anyways I just wanted to give some friendly advice, please don't think I'm critiquing you or anything. I just want to help is all.

    Edit: :sy: Sorry I didn't notice how old this thread was. I don't think you can correct the mistakes.
     
         

  16. #16
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    Re: Vengance! Chapter 1

    It's fine and thanks^_^
     
         

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