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  1. #1
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Vengeance Chapter 4

    Chapter 1
    Chapter 2
    Chapter 3

    Read These^
    Setting: The House of The Abandoned

    Characters: Izuma, Satan, Izuma's Dad, Izuma's Mother, Hideko, Emma, Ichiyo, Mr Fujima, Mystery Man, and Juro

    New Characters

    Nurse Watson- the nurse for the whole house, more will be identified later

    Memories

    Izuma wakes up startled by the cold sensation running up his back. He shivers from this odd feeling then sits up. He looks around.
    Nurse Watson: So youv'e finnally awakened
    Izuma scratches his head and looks at this middle aged woman.
    Izuma: Who are you?
    Nurse Watson ignores his question but answers with her own.
    Nurse Watson: Don't worry about who i am, do you remeber who you are?
    Izuma begins to close his eyes and think deeply about the question. Flashes back to his mother's death, Izuma's eyes flash a dark gold color, then he passes out again. Nurse Watson quicly gets up and rushes to the phone.
    Nurse Watson: it's been confirmed....
    She hangs up the phone and walks out of the room.

    Scene changes to Mr. Fujima's office again
    Mr. Fujima is going through some old books on the gods. He reads to himself; "The skys cried and the ground trembled in fear" "What lies dormant is hidden in plain site'' "All can be seen with through gold" Mr. Fujima closes the book. He then thinks to himself "so it is finnally starting." "I better contact him immediatly."

    Scene switches back to the infirmory where Izuma is recovering
    Izuma wakes up and gets out of bed in a somewhat disoriented state, knocking over a nearbye pot and leaving his bed a mess. He reaches for the door knob and the door opens from the other side. When suddenly he is shot in the neck. Half knocked out he notices Nurse watson running away. His eyes close, the next morning Izuma wakes up and he feels better then ever. Nurse Watson walks in.
    Izuma: Who are you?

    Nurse Watson puts her finger to her ear.
    Mystery Man: Well done, now proceed to stage 2
    Nurse Watson then leads Izuma to his room, where she has him lie down once again.
    Nurse Watson: you need rest.....
    Nurse Watson gives him a pill to help him "sleep." Izuma takes the pill and immediatly passes out. Nurse Watson walks out of his room and locks the door from the outside.

    Scene switches to Mr Fujima again
    Mr Fujima is going through his lessons for the upcoming school week when a knock is heard at his office door...
    Mr Fujima peers up from his workspace.
    Mr Fujima: Come in (said in a methodical tone)
     
         

  2. #2
    木の葉隠れ Jade Jupiter's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    Excellent
     
         

  3. #3
    Senior Member Natsu is legendary's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    great job bro
     
         

  4. #4
    Otogakure Ero-Sennin's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    i love it man cant wait for more
     
         

  5. #5
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    thanks all
     
         

  6. #6
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    cant wait for the next one bro, great job!
     
         

  7. #7
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    chapter will be out sunday spread the word
     
         

  8. #8
    Wakizashi's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    i can't wait till the next chapter so i can finally why all of this is happening.
     
         

  9. #9
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    pulling a kishi next chapter
    its what you least and most expect
     
         

  10. #10
    The Aspiring Writer ItachiLeeHatake's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    Nice bro. Great job building up the intensity.
     
         

  11. #11
    I am an amazing Friend Yuka's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    I enjoyed reading This Nice-work
     
         

  12. #12
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    Thanks I'm sorry5 wasn't out
     
         

  13. #13
    Senior Member Germanicus's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    Dude, I like your story. Your grammar has also steadily improved over the chapters. Each one is easier to read and better than the last. One thing I would suggest is, if you aren't planning on using quotation marks for dialogue, maybe change the color of text or something to signify when someone is speaking. I've seen that done here and there, and it makes the story as a whole flow a bit better, in my opinion. Still, nice!
     
         

  14. #14
    Gèckö's Avatar
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    Re: Vengeance Chapter 4

    geat tip man but i put names for a reason i might make it italic
     
         

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