View Poll Results: Rate this chapter!

Voters
9. You may not vote on this poll
  • Terrible

    0 0%
  • Bad

    0 0%
  • Average

    0 0%
  • Good

    1 11.11%
  • Excellent

    8 88.89%
Results 1 to 11 of 11
  1. #1
    Senior Member Skylar Knight's Avatar
    Status
    Skylar Knight is online now
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    NarutoBase
    Posts
    3,604
    Post Thanks / Like
    Because people don't have
    wings, we look for ways to
    fly.
     



    The Milits Chapter 33

    The Milits

    -I recommend you read the previous chapters before this one!-

    <---- Chapter 32

    Chapter 33 - "The Blacksmith Lance"

    A small boy appears after some seconds with some tools in his hands, and his face and clothes are filled with dirt after signs of him working. He puts away his tools the second he looks at Skylar.

    Boy: What can I do for you?

    A small amount of black smoke flies out of the room the boy came out from a moment ago, and the room both of them are in now is soon filled with it.

    Skylar:
    Yeah, I’m looking for a guy called Lance… you know him?

    The boy walks to the other side of the room, finds a wet napkin and starts washing his face and hands before answering Skylar’s question.

    Boy: That would be me…

    Skylar looks at the boy some seconds before he starts circling him; examines him from top to toe. The boy doesn’t even flinch, and only looks at Skylar with a hint of confusion.

    Skylar: Aaaah! I see… so you’re an adult midget?

    Redness appears in the little boy’s cheeks, and he starts yelling in embarrassment within seconds; insulted and irritated.

    Boy: S-shut up!! I’m not a midget! Is it that unbelievable that the blacksmith Lance is a kid!?

    Skylar nods with his eyes closed; accepting the fact that the little boy is the famous blacksmith Lance. He takes up the wet napkin and starts washing his face to hide his red cheeks, and asks Skylar an important question after a few seconds.

    Boy: So what do you want from me?

    Stars appear in Skylar’s eyes again, and he doesn’t hesitate to speak up as he usually does; hoping to get his emblem made by the best blacksmith in the capital.

    Skylar: I want you to make a cowboy emblem for me and my group..!

    A small hint of surprise appears in Lance’s face, but it doesn’t take too long before giving his answer to the cowboy who acts like a kid.

    Lance: Yeah, alright… (… a cowboy? Would never have guessed that…) So how do you want it to look like?

    -The scene switches to Mia-

    Mia walks down one of the long streets near the meeting place, which is where the whole group said to meet after two hours. She holds the book about Noelle Rose in one of her hands; reading it while walking among several citizens.

    Mia:
    (…“You’re the strongest person in this town?” She asked before she kept talking, “that’s kind of cool… want to join my cowboy group?”

    I laughed in several seconds before answering what I thought was the dumbest question one could ask me.

    “Cowboys?” I laughed, “Cowboys are just simply stupi-
    )

    A familiar light voice interrupts her reading, and is heard between the crowds; coming from the place where they are supposed to meet.

    Alice: M-Mia! We’re over here..!

    Mia closes the book after noticing the red-hair from the group, and start walking over to her while putting the book in her small backpack. She takes a look around; seeing only two of the persons in the group, which is Alice and Luke.

    Mia: Seems like Skylar hasn’t showed up yet… anyone know where he is?

    Everyone look at each other in several seconds before sighing; which is clearly the only sound around them, including the footsteps of the crowds.

    -End of Chapter-

    Thanks if you read, voted or replied
     
         
    Last edited by Skylar Knight; 11-03-2012 at 04:46 PM.

  2. #2
    - I N A C T I V E - Thoth's Avatar
    Status
    Thoth is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Pluto
    Posts
    8,351
    Post Thanks / Like
    I'm in the state of anabiosis.
     



    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    I'm loving it!
     
         

  3. #3
    Senior Member uzumaki antonia's Avatar
    Status
    uzumaki antonia is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,488
    Post Thanks / Like
    too weird to live too rare to
    die
     

    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    Awesome chapter Skylar
     
         

  4. #4
    Tsūki's Avatar
    Status
    Tsūki is online now
    Gender
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    35,736
    Post Thanks / Like
    "Too lazy"
     



    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    Great chapter! :D They will finally have an emblem :overjoy:
     
         

  5. #5
    Just a lonely guy... nintendo2009's Avatar
    Status
    nintendo2009 is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Tennessee, U.S.A
    Posts
    18
    Post Thanks / Like
    Leave me a message on here if
    your stalking me XD
     

    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    Love the chapter !
     
         

  6. #6
    Zidane Tribal Uxellius's Avatar
    Status
    Uxellius is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    In my hideout planning to kidnap a princess
    Posts
    3,466
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    Quote Originally Posted by -Tsuki View Post
    Great chapter! :D They will finally have an emblem :overjoy:
    and they'll have another group member as I can see
     
         

  7. #7
    Senior Member Chakra Wizard's Avatar
    Status
    Chakra Wizard is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    not a chance
    Posts
    7,845
    Post Thanks / Like
    Trying to balance work and
    school while writing in my
    spare time.
     



    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    A child blacksmith, ...such nonsense Nice job, man:D
     
         

  8. #8
    Member akshayhp's Avatar
    Status
    akshayhp is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    A distant place far away
    Posts
    270
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    Awesome Job.
    Loved it
     
         

  9. #9
    Beautifully Broken 0neCrazyAngel's Avatar
    Status
    0neCrazyAngel is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    685
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    another great job sky
    i like the twists on characters!
    i wonder if lance will be recruited too?
    cant wait! cant wait!
     
         

  10. #10
    Legendary Sage of Konoha Michael92's Avatar
    Status
    Michael92 is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Norway
    Posts
    5,762
    Post Thanks / Like
    ~On Hitatus~
     



    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    Okay, I think you're 4th in line or so, but since you're Norwegian as well, I'll write my note in Norwegian

    Leste litt av starten på dette kapittelet, og det første jeg la merke til var at de tre andre deltagerne skriver på en annen stil enn deg (og meg). Noen tanker kom til meg da jeg hadde lest omtrent halparten, og det ene var at du brukte "some" på en del plasser hvor du heller skulle ha brukt "few," noe som forstyrret flyten i settningene dine. Men elllers var interaksjonene mellom karakterene bra, og handligen troverdig... The chapter was way too short for my likings though, but each to his own. Taken into consideration that you're not English speaking, one can't exactly expect an English language that is as strong as the other contestants. Still, not bad my friend!
     
         

  11. #11
    Senior Member Skylar Knight's Avatar
    Status
    Skylar Knight is online now
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    NarutoBase
    Posts
    3,604
    Post Thanks / Like
    Because people don't have
    wings, we look for ways to
    fly.
     



    Re: The Milits Chapter 33

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    Okay, I think you're 4th in line or so, but since you're Norwegian as well, I'll write my note in Norwegian

    Leste litt av starten på dette kapittelet, og det første jeg la merke til var at de tre andre deltagerne skriver på en annen stil enn deg (og meg). Noen tanker kom til meg da jeg hadde lest omtrent halparten, og det ene var at du brukte "some" på en del plasser hvor du heller skulle ha brukt "few," noe som forstyrret flyten i settningene dine. Men elllers var interaksjonene mellom karakterene bra, og handligen troverdig... The chapter was way too short for my likings though, but each to his own. Taken into consideration that you're not English speaking, one can't exactly expect an English language that is as strong as the other contestants. Still, not bad my friend!
    Yeah, my English is obviously not the best out there, but I try to improve. However, I think I've come a long way since this chapter actually, in both language and writing. About the length, it's as you say, it's a pretty short chapter. You can actually read this in less than three minutes, so I can see why you're having a hard time enjoying it.

    Thanks for the review, and sorry for not giving my reply before now, I simply didn't know of it ^_^
     
         

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •