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    Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    TRAIL OF FIRE
    Before you continue I strongly suggest you read the introduction and Chapter 1: Code of Conduct
    Hello once again and thank you for following my FF “Trail of Fire”, before I start the chapter(s) I want to let you know that there will be a change from here on out with this FF, the last chapter for those of you who read it noticed it was written in a fashion that a book might be written, someone suggested I change the chapters into screenplay/scrip format or in a way that I put the character’s name in the in the beginning and then have the characters lines following it. They said it is much easier to read it this way. Also I want to point out that the story really hasn’t gotten to any character development on the side of the main protagonist of the story. I’m having a hard time developing their characters, as of this point so we won’t see them until next week. I was intending to merge Chapter 2 and 3 but I figured it would be too long and I need to add more dimension to the story and main charactersa. Alright that enough talking for me, enjoy ^_^

    ---------------------------------------------------
    Tying Loose Ends
    A large crowd became amassed in the front of the NYPD police station, the NYPD had come out to make a public statement to the people of New York. The Chief of police and Commissioner of the NYPD is going to speak out to the people on currently occurring events. Two officers and the Chief come out of the main entrance and approach the speaking stand. The two officers stand guard beside him, the Chief adjusts the speaker. He adjusts his glasses and clears his throat.
    Chief: My fellow New Yorkers, a certain matter has come to my attention and a current realization of a problem has come to me. Exactly one week ago today, 5 of my officers including my personal friend Sergeant Wainwright were ambushed and murdered in a drive by. According to eye witness accounts 4 men in a black Chrysler drove up to the officers, the 4 men where armed with Thompson sub machine guns and the men where well suited and wearing hats. The 4 men shot and sprayed the 5 officers repeatedly until their magazines where empty, a second car arrived at the scene; from the car came 3 men. Among one of them was the infamous and equally ruthless crook Joseph Franco III better known as “Handsome Joey”. The eye witness’s accounts state that Handsome Joey shot one of the down officers and loaded the whiskey barrels which the officers were in charge disposing of that night and left with the barrels. Four of my men are dead at the hands of these ruthless mobsters and bootleggers. And I came here to tell you all that we have an infestation in New York, New York is infested with Vice, Bootleggers, drugs, prostitutes, and Mobsters. And it’s time to take action against them; I came here tonight to reassure you that you can count on the NYPD. We assure you that we will not just lay back and have these mobsters terrorize our people and kill my men. From here on out we will take action, we will not be pushed around by these mobsters. We need your support more than ever in our war against organized crime, good night my fellow New Yorkers.
    The crowd cheers loudly for the Chief, the chief walks off the stand back to inside the police station. In the not too far away parking lot 3 men in trench coats and hats begin to approach the station. The crowd clears out and the 3 men enter the station. A police officer sees the three men in trench coats coming through the entrance.
    Officer: Hey you fellas need anything?
    1st Mob Hit man: yeah we came here looking for the Chief.
    Officer: The Chief? Why do you fellas need him for.
    1st Mob Hit Man: We came here to tell him that he is relieved of duties.
    The hit man pulls a sawed-off shotgun from his trench coat and points it directly at the unsuspecting officers. The two other hit men pull Tommy guns from their trench coats as well. The first hit man fires at the officer and the officer goes flying with the force of the shot. The officer’s body flies to the back of the room. The other two hit men begin to fire at the other officers with their Tommy guns. The Chief sees the 3 mob men and quickly runs into his office; he reaches into his closet compartment and pulls out a pump action shot gun and a box full of buck shot rounds. He loads them into the gun and pumps it to prepare for the incoming gangsters.
    The officers barricade themselves under their desks, the hit men continue to fire at the officers.
    Officer: Chief we are taking heavy fire call for back up!
    The officer looks at his fellow officer next to him.
    Officer: I’m going to go and try to get a clear shot at one of them.
    The first officer reaches for his gun; his hand is held in place by the second officer. The first officer looks at his side and is greeted by the barrel of a revolver to his face. The second officer shoots him in the head and gets up from the cover. He walks over to the gangsters and one of the gangster’s hands him a Thompson. Four other officers walk to the side of the side of the gangsters. The hit men give the officers shotguns and tommy guns.
    Officer: Chief we have traitors! Dammit there are too many of them, we are taking heavy fire.
    The hit men and the treacherous officers shoot and kill the remaining officers.
    1st Hit man: Alright lets have a little talk with the Chief.
    One of the hit men takes off his trench coat, he walks over to one of the corpses of the cop’s. He stands the corpse up and dresses him in his trench coat and places his own hat on his head. He gets behind the corpse and stands up with it. He walks with the corpse using it as a body shield towards the Chief’s office.
    The Chief sits at his desk with the shotgun pointed steadily at the door. He begins to sweat heavily and intensely as his anticipation grows for the hit men to arrive at his door. He hears footsteps coming towards him. He sees from his door window the figure of a man with a hat and in a trench coat. The man opens the door slowly and then even before the man is midway through opening the door the chief fires his shotgun. The window shatters, and behind it is the hatted man, the man collapses to the floor with the shotgun wound clearly visible in his chest and back, blood begins to pool beneath. The hat falls of the man’s head to expose someone rather familiar. It’s one of the Chief’s deputies; he stares at the body for a second and confirms that it is. Before he knows it, one of the hit men comes popping in front of the window and fires his Thompson at him multiple times. The Sheriff is struck in the shoulder and he crashes to the floor. The hit man approaches the fallen chief and kicks the shot gun away from his reach.
    1st Hit man: Handsome Joey isn’t happy with you messing up his operations and going back on your deal.
    The Hit man points his sub machine gun at him, the two other hit man arrive along with the other officers. The Chief looks up and sees his officers with the hit men.
    Chief: You bastards, you traitors, how could you turn on your fellow officers.
    2nd Officer: Hey what can we say we are tired of being your dogs and Handsome Joey pays us triple what you pay us to do his work. Your nothing but a dirty copper you know that Chief.
    One of the officers walks towards the sheriff and kicks him in the stomach; the sheriff holds his stomach in pain.
    Officer: That’s what ya get for mistreating us your dirty old bastard, serves you right.
    1st Hit man: Now now, we need him alive. The boss wants to talk to him. Hey you two, tie him up and lets put him in the trunk.
    The mobsters carry the tied up chief and place him in their trunk. They speed away and leave mayhem and destruction in their path.
    The mobsters arrive at an apartment in Brooklyn, they open the trunk and put a bag over the Chief’s head. Then carry him all tied up to the top of the apartment. The apartment is old and deteriorated and lacks any form of light in the interior. The mobsters arrive at a room in the top floor of the apartment. They place him on a chair and place his tied up hands behind the chair. The mobsters lift the bag off his face and the Sheriff is greeted by a shadowy figure wearing a hat. The figure is not visible, only his hands and the sleeves of his grey suite can be seen as they are right underneath the hanging lamp.
    Chief: Handsome Joey, you dirty son of a *****, why don’t you just take your gang of wets and just leave our city alone.
    Handsome Joey: Let me tell you something chief; let me tell you something about New York. New York is nothing to me. I have no interest in this city. You know what this city is; it’s a desolate wasteland, all the fertile fruit this city once offered has been reaped by the ones that came before me and the filthy dogs that salvaged what was left. This city is nothing, I can dispose of it when I want too so you are at my mercy. But let me tell you something else, the only thing left here for me is my biggest speakeasy. You see I’m not exactly through with New York, I’m transplanting my business from here to Chicago where the money is at so I can then expand it into more fruitful territories like Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Detroit. Let me make something clear to you that I run this city and if you’re not in your out. Where are you from Chief, where is your family from?
    Chief: My family is from Ireland, they came here during the potato famine. Why does that matter?
    Handsome Joey: Surly you understand where I’m coming from Chief. You see when my family came to this country in 1896 from Sicily it wasn’t because we were poor that we left Italy. It was because my papa sent us here; he was the head of the Sicilian Mafia in Italy. He sent us here because people where threatening his family and he sent us all away to live here in New York. My mama was pregnant with me when she got on that boat headed to Ellis Island. My papa got my mama a good old place to live in Brooklyn; we were poor and had nothing to eat. When I turned seven I went to go work in the coal mine, our boss treated us like dogs. We were just kids and where being forced to work out there in the freezing cold and grueling coal mines. My best friend, his name was Jimmy. He was a little Irish boy from Brooklyn like me, his family was poorer than mine and his mama was sick.
    He was my best friend and I admired him for being a hard worker and having strong character. We were brothers, me and him would share rations and he would protect me from the older boys who would pick on me. I loved him as if he were my own brother, but one day poor little Jimmy had an accident. He was dumping coal in the chute like he was told do, but then another bigger boy came in and pushed Jimmy into the coal chute. I saw poor old Jimmy fall into the pile of coal and the other boys continued to dump coal inside the shoot even while Jimmy was still in there. Jimmy was later found smothered and crushed to death under all that coal. Little Jimmy my best friend died at the hands of the irresponsible and cruel supervisors who employed us. I’ll never forget him, it was common for you boys like us to die in work some boys would be mangled in the machinery and others would faint from the hard work and fall in the chutes only to be smothered by the coal like Jimmy. The worst part nobody did anything about it, boys died every day and nobody cared. My mama was poor, she was working night 3 jobs and I was working one and we still didn’t have enough money to support ourselves well. I thought to myself, what is this place, why is this place so unfair and unjust. Why do people like me and ma have to suffer and why do people like Little Jimmy have to die. I only then figured it out that the world belongs to the vicious and the aggressive people, the ones who act without remorse and lack care for others not the passive and submissive people. And that wasn’t even my breaking point.
    Handsome Joey pulls out a lighter and lights his cigar. He takes off his hat and places it on his lap

    Handsome Joey: My breaking point was when one night. I was coming home from work, my mama was there. She hugged me one last time welcoming me before four men in suites came into our apartment and shot my mama in front of me. I was able to save myself because I hid in the den, the bastards killed my ma. I found out later they were a hit squad from one of my father’s rival gangs. After that moment I knew that I had two choices, be weak and let the world take me or be aggressive and take the world and grab it by the neck. I then got initiated into my local New York mob and built my way up to the top; it wasn’t easy getting to the top. It took hard work and sacrifice, a lot of blood was involved. I became the leader of my mob and decided that I would control New York, and after that I would control the country. When the 18th amendment and the Volstead Act were passed it only helped me boost my power.
    I was the one that proposed the idea of racketeering alcohol. It was really quite simple all I had to do was steal liquor or produce it. We just go around town colleting or stealing it from the coppers that would throw it away and then we would end up having ourselves a gold mine. I turned bootlegging into big business, I created the bootleg empire and with that I attracted other gangsters. My mob was on top, we consumed all the others and took their alcohol. I found out later my dad was in America, I personally lead my men and destroyed my father’s mob and killed him myself. Now I control his mob and all of the racket industry. Now you see Chief, I personally hate alcohol, it is nothing but problems but alcohol to me is money and money is what makes the world go round. I worked for this power, not just anyone gets to be the head of the racket industry so you see Chief I’m running a business here. And keep in mind that I’m only giving people what they want. I’m a forgiving man and I’m willing to let you off with a warning even for you sins against me.
    Handsome Joey stands up and puts his hat back on and walks toward the Chief.
    Handsome Joey: I told you this already Chief, my business is in Chicago and out west. Out there is the future of my syndicate. In fact as much as I hate to say it bootlegging is losing its flavor. Sooner or later the feds will realize that Prohibition is nothing but a thorn in their fingers or a medicine that is worst then the sickness. A new trend the boys in Chicago have is drugs and casinos, its whats new. I have to keep up, so I’m taking my business out west. Consider this more of a favor or a parting gift. But let me make something clear to you Chief.
    Handsome Joey grabs the Chiefs cheeks and presses his face real hard and gives him a deep stare.
    Handsome Joey: If you even think about ruining my mob operations I’ll introduce you and this whole city to my friend who we call the Chicago typewriter, I’m sure you won’t be happy meeting him but you better be damn sure he is going to be jumping happy to meet you. So I’m going to let you off, but not without punishment.
    Chief: Dammit Joey you can’t do this.
    Handsome Joey: I can’t let you off without a punishment Chief, how are you going to learn from your mistakes?
    Handsome Joey signals to one of his men.
    Handsome Joey: You know the drill fellas.
    One of Handsome Joey’s men goes to the closet and takes out a sawed-off shotgun. He hands it to Handsome Joey, the Chief begins to squirm in his restraints. Handsome Joey opens the drawer in his desk and takes out 2 shotgun shells and loads them into both chambers of the gun.
    Handsome Joey: No lesson can be learned without punishment Chief.
    Handsome Joey loads the rounds in his shotgun and places the barrel of the gun on the top of the Chiefs right knee cap.
    Handsome Joey: Sorry Chief but this will make you think of your actions next time.
    Handsome Joey pulls the trigger followed by a lowed blast and a roar of pain from the Chief.
    Chief: Fuck you Joey! You bag of filth! Ahhhh!
    The Chief looks at what is left of his right leg, his leg has been torn to shreds by the shotgun blast. Handsome Joey takes a handkerchief and wipes the blood of his face.
    Handsome Joey: Dammit look what you made me do, you made me get blood all over my new suite. But still my job isn’t finished yet.
    Handsome Joey takes the shotgun and places the barrel on the Chiefs left leg and fires once again. This time the Chief screams louder than ever and then passes out. Once again Handsome Joey takes the handkerchief from his suite pocket and cleans his face. He lifts up his suspenders and adjusts in his suite and the puts the handkerchief back in his pocket.
    Handsome Joey: Damn, what a dirty job this is. Tie him up and go dump him in an ally. The coppers won’t care because I’ll just tip them off like usual. It’s time we get to transplanting our business to Chicago.

    ~To be Continued
     
         
    Last edited by Ƒālconer; 01-26-2013 at 04:10 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    no lo lei pedo no estaba tan mal
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by thesurvivor View Post
    no lo lei pedo no estaba tan mal
    say what :confused: uh thanks anyway
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ƒālconer View Post
    say what :confused: uh thanks anyway
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Good work! I do suggest however that you use more pronouns to avoid name redundancy and some of the sentences are redundant like

    we have an infestation in New York, New York is infested with


    to reassure you that you can count on the NYPD. We assure you that



    In the not too far away parking lot 3 men in trench coats and hats begin to approach the station. The crowd clears out and the 3 men enter the station. A police officer sees the three men in trench coats coming through the entrance.

    the story is intriguing but i am confused if you're trying to write a novel or a script, since you place the speaker's name in front of the dialogue instead of incorporating the identity in the sentence structure itself, but good work none the less
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Derp Obito View Post
    Good work! I do suggest however that you use more pronouns to avoid name redundancy and some of the sentences are redundant like

    we have an infestation in New York, New York is infested with


    to reassure you that you can count on the NYPD. We assure you that



    In the not too far away parking lot 3 men in trench coats and hats begin to approach the station. The crowd clears out and the 3 men enter the station. A police officer sees the three men in trench coats coming through the entrance.

    the story is intriguing but i am confused if you're trying to write a novel or a script, since you place the speaker's name in front of the dialogue instead of incorporating the identity in the sentence structure itself, but good work none the less
    wow thanks for the advice and review :D I'm thinking of going for loosely a script. I'm not going to make it into a script but yeah I see where you are coming from. I haven't really established a certain format for the story which is odd. my first chapter was in a novel format while this one resembled a script. So to answer your question yes I'm aiming loosely for a script. I will likely have too look into a definite and uniform format before I right Chapter 3. Thanks again.
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Not bad. Keep on writing.
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by OrochimaruFan View Post
    Not bad. Keep on writing.
    thanks :D
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Not bad, still rolling along pretty well. As was mentioned above, make sure you add variance to your word choice. (Repetition is a no no.) It makes the story stale and causes a loss of interest.

    Also, again, I stress that script style really does limit what you can do with a work. I cannot advise against it enough, as the amount of detail you can squeeze into a script style work can't even begin to compare to a novel styled work.

    One more thing, you seem to have the 'wall of text' syndrome occurring at the moment. Try to add a bit more spacing between your paragraphs. Spacing between different parts of the conversations are also good. (by doing this, you also effectively identify who is speaking each time, making the script style irrelevant and unnecessary.)

    Keep on polishing it up, solid work dude.
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Germanicus View Post
    Not bad, still rolling along pretty well. As was mentioned above, make sure you add variance to your word choice. (Repetition is a no no.) It makes the story stale and causes a loss of interest.

    Also, again, I stress that script style really does limit what you can do with a work. I cannot advise against it enough, as the amount of detail you can squeeze into a script style work can't even begin to compare to a novel styled work.

    One more thing, you seem to have the 'wall of text' syndrome occurring at the moment. Try to add a bit more spacing between your paragraphs. Spacing between different parts of the conversations are also good. (by doing this, you also effectively identify who is speaking each time, making the script style irrelevant and unnecessary.)

    Keep on polishing it up, solid work dude.
    thanks man, I appreciate the advice
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Keep up the good work I like it
     
         

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    Re: Trail of Fire: Tying Loose Ends (Chapter 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Sasuke Uchiha Susanoo View Post
    Keep up the good work I like it
    thank you
     
         

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