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  1. #1
    Senior Member Germanicus's Avatar
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    The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Author's Note:
    This FF is a collaborative effort between myself and Uzumaki16. He shelled out the initial idea and basic premise of the story, I did most of the writing. His ideas are awesome though, and he caught me at a lot of crucial mistakes. So really, he deserves main credit for getting this done. Also, a big thanks to S. Train for some awesome editing help. (I'm sorry again that I didn't follow some of your advice. I just needed to feel it a bit more, and I'd like to continue discussing the chapter with you afterwards, if you aren't too iffy on it. Anyway, I believe the premise of this FF won't really need any clarification, though you're free to ask me anything in the comments or message me. But enough rambling! Thank you for your time, and enjoy!


    “Rin! Are you alright?!”

    Obito Uchiha, panting heavily, his raven black hair drenched in perspiration, stood concerned over his teammate. His pale complexion looked even more ragged from exhaustion than it usually did, while the slim frame of his body felt as if it were going to snap from the exertion it had experienced the past several hours.

    To his left, a white haired youth in standard shinobi field armor rested on his haunches. One good eye inspected their dazed companion, while bloody bandages covered the deep gash which had rendered his left eye useless. Behind them, one the Iwagakure shinobi who had been responsible for this injury laid grievously wounded on the floor of a shallow cave. They had been interrogating Rin, the female whom Kakashi was meticulously inspecting, in this dark hole.
    Holding his hand up, Kakashi quickly muttered “release!” The lost look fled from the female’s easy on the eyes kind of face, and she quickly shook her head, staring up puzzled at Kakashi and Obito as if awakening from a long nap she hadn’t remembered lying down for.

    “Kakashi…? Obito…? Where…What am I doing here…?

    Obito couldn’t help but cringe at the fact that she said Kakashi’s name first, but that pitiful and selfish feeling was quickly overcome in an almost unbearable relief; Rin would be okay. Kakashi merely nodded, quickly explaining the situation, and helped her stand up. Turning to Obito, he gestured wildly with his hands towards where they had entered.

    “C’mon! We need to get out of here, and back to friendly lines, now!”

    Rin smiled brightly, seemingly lighting up the room as she returned to her old, cheery self. But as they turned to leave, a hoarse laugh rang out from the cave entrance. Whirling about, the rail thin Iwa shinobi, dark brown hair rounded about the top of his head with a long slash running down his torso, trembled on his legs with a sadistic grin on his face.

    “Heh…heh…not a bad job, brats. Defeating me and my partner, that’s a good job. But, I gotta say, even if you’re talented brats…YOU’RE STILL JUST BRATS!”

    With a beast-like roar, he slammed his fists violently on the ground about him. The earth began to shake, and as the seemingly iron-solid cave walls began to crumble and rain from the sky, the Iwa ninja glared in suicidal defiance at the three younger ninja. “Earth Release, Rock Lodgment Destruction!”

    The cave fell about them, boulders hurtling at gravity’s command toward the ground. With a horrified look on his face, Kakashi screamed at his companions. “Run! Now!”

    Forcing his dead legs to move once more, Obito joined his friends in a mad dash for life towards the cave exit. Ahead of him, the Iwa ninja hurriedly leapt outside into the sea of trees surrounding the cavern. Gaining stride, Obito found himself catching up to Kakashi, when on the outside of his peripheral he spotted chunks of rock flying towards the blind spot of his squad leader. A moment of indecision brought on by panic momentarily seized him.

    First instinct? Keep running. Get Rin out. I don’t want to die.

    Obtio felt his cowardice slam into his conviction, and suddenly he found his body turning autonomously towards Kakashi, his hands automatically weaving the hand signs long since mastered by his clan. The crimson glare of the Sharingan increased the acuity of his vision, and he could see the exact trajectory of each individual stone as they fell.
    Prove you’re an Uchiha. Find your strength and protect your friends.

    “Fire Style: Fire Ball!”

    Dozens of scorching molten blazes cascaded towards the ceiling of the cave, obliterating the boulders approaching the group, leaving only small pebbles raining upon Kakashi Hatake’s head. Gazing in disbelief at his normally timid friend, a small smile slowly formed across the Jonin’s face; he didn’t think he would be the only young ninja to be promoted soon.

    Rin flew out of the cave first, as Obito and Kakashi slowed momentarily to ensure the other was still fine. As she stopped just outside of the cave, she put her hands on her knees and knelt over, sighing in an intermingled moment of shock and relief.

    The sigh became a gasp as a blade slid into her breast, the cold steel flashing brilliantly as blood began to flow from the wound. The Iwa ninja stood gasping, but appearing extremely satisfied, not two feet away from her. He leaned close to her ear, his breath feeling warm and disconcerting. As her vision darkened, he could hear his hoarse voice whispering maniacally in her ear.

    “You…you were a pain in the arse, you stupid little cur.”

    Obito and Kakashi emerged from the cave, and immediately stood back aghast. Obito’s mouth bobbed up and down uselessly, only able to form guttural sobs of anguish. “R..Ri..n..no…”

    As tears began to flood down Obito’s face, his body trembling and shaking, Kakashi shook his head. This mission…why had he been selected to lead it? He was a failure of a leader, no better than people believed his father to be. Not a week passed since he became a Jonin and already his arrogance had caused the death of a teammate. He shut his remaining good eye, commanding himself not to cry as Obito did.

    “Rin…” Hatake whispered to himself, feeling completely and utterly useless, self-loathing dripping through his words and mind. “…I am so sorry.”

    The Iwa ninja gave no further thought, and lunged toward Obito, cackling as he swung his blade wildly in an arc towards the young Uchiha’s neck. The metallic clang of blade meeting blade rang through the forest as Kakashi’s short saber met the Iwa ninja’s curved blade. The older ninja growled at the stolid Jonin, and the two began to dance, flowing from slash to slash in an expert display of blade work.

    Obtio, rubbing his eyes frantically, felt his sobs become harsh and filled with rage. He could feel the dark storm of hate forming in his mind.

    Rin…

    His Sharingan burned. A sensation of searing heat flashed through the eyes; he felt himself staring at the clash before him with his brow furrowed and the veins in his pupils pulsating in animosity.

    Rin…!

    A thick, knot of sheer pressure formed at the front of his skull. He could feel his anger becoming a physical presence: A power. A weapon. Strength. The Iwa ninja lashed towards Kakashi’s blind spot while the young Leaf ninja lunged his blade directly towards the Iwa ninja’s neck. Too late; Kakashi would have half a head before his thrust landed.

    RIN!!!!!!

    Obito let loose all of the furious thoughts in his head. He felt the void being ripped open in the air where the Iwa ninja’s blade moved, his left eye seeming to want to tear itself from his face, and watched as the enemy’s hand seemed to vanish into…somewhere…

    The Iwa ninja’s face became white as a sheet, panic etching itself into every corner of his taut face, and a cry escaped unheralded from his lips as he struggled to make his hand appear once more. His cries ceased as Kakashi’s blade penetrated his throat with a sloshing thud. Blood streamed in ruby falls from the man’s throat as he slid lifeless to the ground.

    Kakashi stared in awe as the man’s hand reappeared, then gazed slowly over to Obito as his teammate stood solemnly over Rin’s frail corpse. The confusion in Kakashi’s eyes only barely concealed another feeling he had thought he would never feel again; fear.

    “Obito…what…what the hell is that? What in blazes did you just do?”

    Obito’s face might as well have been encased in ice. The cold look he gave nearly caused Kakashi to back away. The transformation that had wrought its way over the Uchiha’s eyes sent an unstoppable shiver down his spine.
    “This…

    Obito’s crimson eyes had three prongs; a triangular direction of slashes, almost like a three edged shruiken.

    “…is Sharingan.”
     
         

  2. #2
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Cool. It's up! And its great! :scorps:
     
         

  3. #3
    Senior Member Germanicus's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Uzumaki16 View Post
    Cool. It's up! And its great! :scorps:
    Again; THIS GUY IS THE BRAIN CHILD! I ONLY DID THE MENIAL TASK OF WRITING IT!
     
         

  4. #4
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    What a drag...
     



    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    This was great! What a nice "what if" story. If only Obito used Fireball Jutsu in the actual series...LOL too late for that though.
    Keep up the good work! :D

    Man, Kakashi's going to be fodder now because he won't have the sharingan and only has one normal eye. At least make him more proficient in lightning release.
     
         

  5. #5
    Senior Member Germanicus's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by ItachiLeeHatake View Post
    This was great! What a nice "what if" story. If only Obito used Fireball Jutsu in the actual series...LOL too late for that though.
    Keep up the good work! :D

    Man, Kakashi's going to be fodder now because he won't have the sharingan and only has one normal eye. At least make him more proficient in lightning release.
    Preciate the read dude! Thank you.

    Aye, don't worry about Kakashi. We won't let him become fodder. He's just going to become a bit more conventional. (Now all I need is for someone to draw him up wearing an awesome eye patch. Though I guess he could still just put his head band over his eye.)
    Both Kakashi and Obito will be waaaay more developed in this story. Neither is allowed to become a weakling.
     
         

  6. #6
    The Aspiring Writer ItachiLeeHatake's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Germanicus View Post
    Preciate the read dude! Thank you.

    Aye, don't worry about Kakashi. We won't let him become fodder. He's just going to become a bit more conventional. (Now all I need is for someone to draw him up wearing an awesome eye patch. Though I guess he could still just put his head band over his eye.)
    Both Kakashi and Obito will be waaaay more developed in this story. Neither is allowed to become a weakling.
    No problemo and thanks for reassuring me. This is extremely interesting. Keep me updated please.
     
         

  7. #7
    Future Presidente DoubleA49's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Great! Love your work!

    OT: so are Germanicus, Uzumaki16, and Shinobi Train like the Gods of FF so to speak? Because it sure seems that way.
     
         

  8. #8
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Great chapter, guys. ^_^ You don't give yourself enough credit, Germanicus.
     
         

  9. #9
    Senior Member Germanicus's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleA49 View Post
    Great! Love your work!

    OT: so are Germanicus, Uzumaki16, and Shinobi Train like the Gods of FF so to speak? Because it sure seems that way.
    Preciate every read, thank you.

    Them maybe, me not so much.

    Bah Train, no man should armor himself in pride. It makes for a flimsy defense. And besides, I still have a long way to go. I shall not become content. Until I have ascended to the top of this metaphorical literary mountain, I have no skill whatsoever.
     
         

  10. #10
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Germanicus View Post
    Preciate every read, thank you.

    Them maybe, me not so much.

    Bah Train, no man should armor himself in pride. It makes for a flimsy defense. And besides, I still have a long way to go. I shall not become content. Until I have ascended to the top of this metaphorical literary mountain, I have no skill whatsoever.
    Ah, but what you fail to realize is that neither do I have any skill. Self acknowledgement of skill is bad and stagnating, but accepting the praise of others boosts you into trying your best. It's a delicate wave, but you cannot improve without fans and critics, so therefore you must be one with the balance.

    If you put together all my little posts about stuff like this and read it all at once, you'd probably start to understand what I've been saying. I'm not joking, if put together all the important posts I've made that you've seen, things would begin to make sense; this is all one long post over a period of time, class has been in session. :rofl:
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Ah, but what you fail to realize is that neither do I have any skill. Self acknowledgement of skill is bad and stagnating, but accepting the praise of others boosts you into trying your best. It's a delicate wave, but you cannot improve without fans and critics, so therefore you must be one with the balance.

    If you put together all my little posts about stuff like this and read it all at once, you'd probably start to understand what I've been saying. I'm not joking, if put together all the important posts I've made that you've seen, things would begin to make sense; this is all one long post over a period of time, class has been in session. :rofl:
    It seems as though you are an established writer, who enjoys Naruto as much as anyone one else, OR, you are an English Teacher. It's tough to figure out. However, the time you say you do not have is spent here, which led me to believe that you are neither.
    As it would happen, there is a difference between FanFiction and general Fiction, and each should be adressed as such. I, like my FanFiction elders Germanicus, micheal92 (or whatever), and ItachiLeeHatake, tend to write about actual Naruto FanFiction. Thus putting us in the proper part of this well organized website. FanFiction. Of Naruto. Naruto being the reason why this site was even created.
     
         
    Last edited by DoubleA49; 02-19-2013 at 06:03 AM.

  12. #12
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleA49 View Post
    It seems as though you are an established writer, who enjoys Naruto as much as anyone one else, OR, you are an English Teacher. It's tough to figure out. However, the time you say you do not have is spent here, which led me to believe that you are neither.
    As it would happen, there is a difference between FanFiction and general Fiction, and each should be adressed as such. I, like my FanFiction elders Germanicus, micheal92 (or whatever), and ItachiLeeHatake, tend to write about actual Naruto FanFiction. Thus putting us in the proper part of this well organized website. FanFiction. Of Naruto. Naruto being the reason why this site was even created.
    Actually, I really don't like Naruto that much, I write my own stuff. I spend my time during the day working in my store, which I am a part owner in; I spend my nights on NB, writing and watching movies/tv/playing video games, and I will finish writing my book. It's not a glamorous life, but certainly efficient.

    F**k fanfiction. Sure I respect when it's good writing, like this one, but that sh*t is wack. Even when I did an FF about Narutoverse, none of the characters were ones used in Naruto, I made them up myself and simply used the world. It got boring quick though, felt so limited because that's all it was.
     
         

  13. #13
    Senior Member pandu's Avatar
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    Alrighty then!!!!!!!!!!
     

    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    So no sharingan for kakashi now?A nice 'what if' story.
    cool chapter
     
         

  14. #14
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Actually, I really don't like Naruto that much, I write my own stuff. I spend my time during the day working in my store, which I am a part owner in; I spend my nights on NB, writing and watching movies/tv/playing video games, and I will finish writing my book. It's not a glamorous life, but certainly efficient.

    F**k fanfiction. Sure I respect when it's good writing, like this one, but that sh*t is wack. Even when I did an FF about Narutoverse, none of the characters were ones used in Naruto, I made them up myself and simply used the world. It got boring quick though, felt so limited because that's all it was.
    Well, good luck to you on your book and store. Honestly, there should be two sections. FanFiction and Fiction. I don't really get why you are using a Naruto site, but to each there own I guess...
     
         

  15. #15
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Germanicus View Post
    Again; THIS GUY IS THE BRAIN CHILD! I ONLY DID THE MENIAL TASK OF WRITING IT!
    Menial task? Dude, I get humility but that's just an outright lie. You took the idea of the story and made it real with your awesome writing skills(which are the best on NB in my opinion ) Thanks Germanicus :scorps:

    Quote Originally Posted by ItachiLeeHatake View Post
    This was great! What a nice "what if" story. If only Obito used Fireball Jutsu in the actual series...LOL too late for that though.
    Keep up the good work! :D

    Man, Kakashi's going to be fodder now because he won't have the sharingan and only has one normal eye. At least make him more proficient in lightning release.
    We got a plan for him. His father was greater than all three Sannin, let's see how those genes work in his favor when
    he doesn't have to worry about chakra so much :scorps:

    Thanks for reading dude!

    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleA49 View Post
    Great! Love your work!

    OT: so are Germanicus, Uzumaki16, and Shinobi Train like the Gods of FF so to speak? Because it sure seems that way.
    *sees the word god in relation to me*

    Errrr....I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding here. I'm a good writer around here but in the world of fanfiction, I've read works of many others who far surpass me. None I've read so far surpasses Germanicus though but one CAME REALLY CLOSE. O_o

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Great chapter, guys. ^_^ You don't give yourself enough credit, Germanicus.
    Thanks dude. He doesn't, does he?

    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleA49 View Post
    It seems as though you are an established writer, who enjoys Naruto as much as anyone one else, OR, you are an English Teacher. It's tough to figure out. However, the time you say you do not have is spent here, which led me to believe that you are neither.
    As it would happen, there is a difference between FanFiction and general Fiction, and each should be adressed as such. I, like my FanFiction elders Germanicus, micheal92 (or whatever), and ItachiLeeHatake, tend to write about actual Naruto FanFiction. Thus putting us in the proper part of this well organized website. FanFiction. Of Naruto. Naruto being the reason why this site was even created.
    OF's are pretty great around here. Better than most of the actual FFs. The best piece of fiction I've read on the base was an OF.

    Quote Originally Posted by pandu View Post
    So no sharingan for kakashi now?A nice 'what if' story.
    cool chapter
    Thanks man. Working on that Senju chap.

    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleA49 View Post
    Well, good luck to you on your book and store. Honestly, there should be two sections. FanFiction and Fiction. I don't really get why you are using a Naruto site, but to each there own I guess...
    I wouldn't like things like that though.
     
         

  16. #16
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Uzumaki16 View Post
    Menial task? Dude, I get humility but that's just an outright lie. You took the idea of the story and made it real with your awesome writing skills(which are the best on NB in my opinion ) Thanks Germanicus :scorps:



    We got a plan for him. His father was greater than all three Sannin, let's see how those genes work in his favor when
    he doesn't have to worry about chakra so much :scorps:

    Thanks for reading dude!



    *sees the word god in relation to me*

    Errrr....I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding here. I'm a good writer around here but in the world of fanfiction, I've read works of many others who far surpass me. None I've read so far surpasses Germanicus though but one CAME REALLY CLOSE. O_o



    Thanks dude. He doesn't, does he?



    OF's are pretty great around here. Better than most of the actual FFs. The best piece of fiction I've read on the base was an OF.



    Thanks man. Working on that Senju chap.



    I wouldn't like things like that though.
    Of course Germanicus is the best, you guys just now figuring that out? O_o If I could only get him to focus more on editing then he'd be able to prove it. o_O
     
         

  17. #17
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    impressive work. mark a true genious
     
         

  18. #18
    Senior Member Germanicus's Avatar
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    Re: The Mirage of Uchiha. (Chapter 1.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Horidora Chan View Post
    impressive work. mark a true genious
    ...thanks...
    but are you really reading all of these? You've moved through so many chapters from so many people in the last ten minutes, at about the same rate for all of them despite their length differences, that I'm a tad bit skeptical.
     
         

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