View Poll Results: So, what do you think?

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  1. #1
    Future Presidente DoubleA49's Avatar
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    The Tale of the Sage

    The Tale of The Sage

    The Beginning

    A teenager stumbles down the stairs, his long, spiky, crimson hair recoiling as he goes. The boy’s fair skin gleams off of the kitchen light, displaying his mid-sized jawline and a rounded chin. His eyes, a cross between his Japanese ethnicity and His mother, also brandishing the family crimson, welcomes her son as he appears in his usual morning attire.
    “Good Morning! How’d you sleep?”

    Yawning, “Great Mom. I had the weirdest dream last night.”

    In a deeply caring voice, his mother asked, “Really? What kind of dream?”

    “I was somewhere in a mountain range and I spewed fire. I thought I was a dragon, but I looked down and noticed my human hands. It completely took me by surprise. It seemed so real.”

    “That does sound strange. School is in twenty minutes. You better hurry!”

    “I know Mom; I’ll be ready on time.”

    The teen enters his stage of eating. His mother prepares sustenance as another, although younger, crimson haired child appears. The child takes his seat next to the elder, thoroughly rubbing his eyes, trying to rouse himself. As he plops down in his seat, the chair in creeks and moans, much like the rest of the house. The two story brick house is elderly, erected around the 1920’s.

    “Kashiriku, why do we go to school?”

    The teens name originated from the word “wise” in Japanese. His father, before he left, was of Japanese ethnicity. When Kashiriku was named, his mother and father fought whether the name was to be of the Japanese orient or from the Irish heritage.

    “Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.”

    Kashiriku is almost the perfect embodiment to his name, answering the deepest questions with a most profound certainty. His younger brother, Sumāto, is the intelligent one, always achieving excellent grades in school, always using common sense. His personality attributes are different than his brothers, while the younger is cautious, calm, and collected, his elder is loud, exuberant, brash, as well as remaining his thoughtful self. Sumāto was a realist by nature, but listened to Kashi in certain situations, looking up to him as the “all-knowing brother.”

    Sumāto, wide-eyed, “Thanks big brother! That makes a lot more sense.

    Kashi placed his hand into Sumāto’s crimson locks, rubbing the hair in a brotherly fashion. Smiling, Kashi stood from his seat, finished his morning routine and left for school. The car he disappeared in was modest; a 1990 Ford. The vehicle was cluttered with various objects and material, more-so than his fellow male teens. His school was very beautiful, originating as far back as the end of the 1800’s. The tall clock tower cast a looming shadow over the front lawn as the morning sun reached a valid height. Kashiriku sulked through the side door, regretting his decision to leave his comfortable sleeping arrangements. The crimson haired teen stumbles to his first class, prepared to gaze out the window while his teacher lectures about a meaningless subject. Being twenty minutes early to class, Kashi dozed off.

    Suddenly a menacing voice is heard.

    “Hey, Pepper Head, Wake up!”

    A brown hair, blue eyed buff kid walks in and grabs Kashi by the locks. Kashi notices the absent teacher, realizing his predicament. His facial expression displays the pain of the grasp while the brown haired looks at him with disdain and anger.

    The buff kid growls at him, “Does it hurt Uzumaki? Tell me Jap, does it hurt?”

    Kashi stares into the infuriated teen’s eyes with every ounce of hatred. The buff kid immediately releases the ruby hair in shock, surprised at the sudden rebellious nature of the normally calm Kashi.

    Kashi hisses at him, his face scrunched in an angry position, “Today, after school, we settle this. You touch my hair or call me a name one more time, and I’ll put you in the hospital.”

    The buff kid laughs hysterically, “There is absolutely no way you can beat me! Bahahaha, your scrawny self won’t last ten seconds!”

    Kashi responds, “The scrawniness is from days of working out, using body weight techniques while eating healthy. I’m what humans are supposed be made like, not fatasses like you.”

    “You bastard!”

    As if on cue, “Okay class, it’s about time to begin. Everyone take your seats and pull out your textbooks to page 302.”
    The buff angrily takes his seat diagonal to Kashi. Kashiriku stares out the window, as it is his routine.
    He is lost in thought about the fight, debating on his plan of action.

    “He’s a standard high schooler, always leading with his most powerful attack first: the regular full power punch. His extension is shorter than mine, as I have him by three inches in height. I should be able to deflect his frontal attack, and counter it with my own. This should be an easy fight.”

    The bell rings as Kashiriku is buried in his own thoughts. He continues to run through the motions. Going from class to class, his mind bounces back and forth, generating various ideas and situations. The end of the day caught him with a surprise attack, giving Kashi a sense of sadness. He didn’t really want to fight the kid, knowing all too well the punishment he was about to bestow the arrogant jock.

    Muttering, “This fight won’t solve a thing. The cycle will continue. He will pursue me, challenging me every chance he gets after I kick his ass. What should I do? Should I beat him up, finishing the fight early? Or should I try to talk to him, and try to at least figure out what’s going on? Ugh, I’m too nice for my own good.”
    As Kashi walks down the extended hallway towards his freedom, the jock adjacent to him, almost scaring the dark red haired teen.

    “So Pepper Head, where we fightin’?”

    Kashi rolls his eyes, “We aren’t doing it here, I don’t want to be expelled. How’s the open field about two miles south of here?”

    The buff smiles chillingly, anticipating the upcoming fight, “Sounds good. I’ll see you there.”

    Kashiriku shoots a half smile, his upper face in the dark, “I’ll see you there.”

    The two walk opposite ways, heading to the opposite parking lots. Buff whips his cell phone from his pocket, dialing one of his goon’s numbers. “Hey, Kashi told me to go to the field two miles south of the school. Meet us there and bring two others, he’s not going to win this one.”

    The voice on the end of the line snickered for a second and replied mischievously, “Alright Mike, I’ll be there on time.”

    • • •

    The open field was desolate, only carrying a choice few species of suburban wildlife. The lengthened grass blew in the faint breeze, livening up the field a bit. In the center of the area sat the crimson haired teen, cross legged, meditating. His long locks floated in the wind, as Mike appeared before him, fists clenched. Kashi opened his eyes menacingly, glaring into the jocks blue eyes. Mike opened his mouth, saying something stupid. Kashi just ignored it, taking it for a taunt. Kashiriku jumps to his feet, taking a fighting position with his feet staggered. The jock sprints towards him at full speed, preparing his right fist for a powerful blow.

    Next Chapter: The Fight of the Decade
     
         
    Last edited by DoubleA49; 04-06-2013 at 04:11 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Cool bro very descriptive but with little push into the story!!! I give it a 4.5/5!!! But awesome!!!
     
         

  3. #3
    sagemode jinchuuriki's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Interesting
     
         

  4. #4
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    This...is very interesting. I have to say you have good writing skills. I would love to read the next chapter and the rest if there is more to come.
     
         

  5. #5
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Very nice and I'd say 4.5 too
     
         

  6. #6
    Future Presidente DoubleA49's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Thanks to everyone who's commented and viewed, much appreciated! I hope you all continue to read.
     
         

  7. #7
    Senior Member Germanicus's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Ah, you've gone away from script style! At last, you've seen the light!

    But really, it was good. Nice story. I'll try to give it a review tomorrow night late, or friday. Busy tomorrow. Excellent work bro.
     
         

  8. #8
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    I am robot, I will eat you. Prepare to die, human, with your human hands. Now, I will go over here, and I will pick up this plate, then I will set it down.

    You're doing great on a lot of stuff, but it's so dry and cold. See what I mean? I'm going dramatic of course, but that's what I just read, only yours made sense and mine didn't. You're acting out the scenes, right? xD

    Yep, you've got to stand up out yo' chair, and become the character. See what mean? It's a stage, with no cameras, and you've got to act it out so you can breathe life into the words. Now, once you've acted out a lot of scenes, you get to the point where you don't need to anymore.

    Also, "sustenance" is just the wrong word to use when describing a mother preparing food...trust me...that will get you slapped, homie. lol

    Glad to see you're improving so much though. ^_^
     
         

  9. #9
    Senior Member pandu's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Interesting
     
         

  10. #10
    Senior Member Almighty Ra's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Great read
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Great work bro, great work.
     
         

  12. #12
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Also, make note of the difference between readers and writers. Seeking praise from readers is like a nun selling sex toys, you just don't do it, they haven't a clue whether you did a good job or not. You've got what, a page full of "great work", "nice job", "keep it up"? That's basically what mommy says. The reason people think I come across mean sometimes is because I won't baby you, I will actually tell you if your sh*t is sh*t.

    Germanicus needs to give you that review though, plus I don't have time to either, you can ask him. lol The only two comments on this page that are worth anything are Germanicus' and my own, if his steel cojones were out our posts would even be similar. Other writers have too much respect for each other to tell someone they're good when they aren't, or at least most of us are like that, the serious ones.

    I can tell you right now that the poll is very wrong. No offense, but it's the reverse of what it would be if a critical eye was being applied by the voters and they were actually qualified to vote. ^_^
     
         

  13. #13
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Wonderful, you've improved so much! Amazing! ^_^ where is that damn thanks button?!
     
         

  14. #14
    The Aspiring Writer ItachiLeeHatake's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    I like it, man! I'm all for douchebags getting their asses beat. The only problem I have is with the fact that you kept mentioning Kashi's red hair. Besides that, it's really good and I'm a fan. No offense to JA, but this one is a keeper. :D
     
         

  15. #15
    Coca-Cola. Nous's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Excellent. 4.5 so it rounds up to 5. Well done :D
     
         

  16. #16
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage



    Loved it!
     
         

  17. #17
    Member Uzumaki Tarein's Avatar
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    Re: The Tale of the Sage

    Didin't read it... But i give it a 0.243553!!
     
         

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