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  1. #1
    Rage of Olympus... Fermion's Avatar
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    ”Nothing sucks more than
    that moment during an argument
    when you realize you’re
    wrong”
     

    Chapter 2-Team Asuma,The real test

    Chapter 2-The Desperate Mind Body Imbalance Jutsu



    Shikamaru(Smiling)-So you really believed that the scroll is real and you won.

    Girgati(enraged)-What do you mean?

    Shikamaru-Your clan is nowhere near the Yamanaka Clan. I already knew your Jutsu and was trained regarding it. You read, what I wanted you to read in my mind and hence you were never able to figure out our real plan. Your informer was fake. he told you everything right expect one thing that the real scroll is with genins.T he real scroll is actually with the second Jounin squad which has already reached Konoha as it left before us. You really think that Konoha will send three newbies to take this precious information.

    Just before a while you said that wrong info is more devastating than no info and you only felled for it.(smiles)
    You didn’t even bother to actually check the Jounin squad once and gathered your full attentions at we as we thought you would do.you are not the only one with intelligence.

    Girgati-You are nothing but a liar.
    Shikamaru-it’s upon you can believe or ignore?
    Girgati-I can’t believe this. You……Well maybe the scroll would have reached Konoha but you three will not share the same fate of the scroll. Konoha believed in Ideal’s but they send you three as a goat here. Now as they want, I will act as the Butcher of you three Goats.

    Shikamaru closes his eyes and reminisces the moments he had with his friends.Choji and Ino were staring at him and were mind and speechless.

    Shikamaru(thinking)-by saying this I even more risked the lives of my teammates. I have to do something. Time is less.
    Shikamaru-you can kill me but spare them. They didn’t knew anything about this.

    Girgati-(laughs)-Now what’s next, are you now going to cry as a baby. Konoha should not cherish on this little victory. We will crush the leaf one day and make the Konoha dogs bark before us starting from you. Any last wishes. If there are any I don’t care about them
    Goodbye and remember my face who knows may be you get a chance to avenge your death in the afterlife.(Laughs and takes out his kunai.)

    Voice-I don’t share the opinion as yours Girgati.

    CHIDORI!

    After being stabbed from behind as stabbed from a flash Girgati looks behind and see’s Asuma standing behind him and falls down after witnessing Kakashi also.

    The remaining ninja’s charged on them instantly but were outclassed by the duo.
    Girgati (lying and waiting for death)-It can’t be.
    Asuma-I never thought that I will see you in this state when we meet next Zamaki. What act of bravery were you showing by killing them. These are my students and I will protect them till my death.
    Girgati -so watch for your death now.

    Zamaki Girgati comes from behind and kick’s Asuma. The man lying was just a rock clone.

    Girgati-Great dragon fire release

    Kakashi- Water dragon Jutsu.

    Water style quickly gets an upper hand.

    Asuma-Flying Swallow (Girgati quickly doges)

    Zamaki-Asuma dear, even now You are too slow to beat me.
    Asuma-you said this too early.
    Zamaki comes in contact with the flying swallow and tumbles down.
    Asuma and Zamaki both indulge in hand to hand combat but during this Kakashi suddenly appears from ground and holds his feet giving Asuma a chance to knock him off but, while preparing for doing this in a instant Asuma falls down on the ground. Seeing this Kakashi drags Zamaki Girgati into the ground and comes out himself.

    Kakashi(Thinking)no doubt, this was ahe mind body imbalance jutsu.in this jutsu the user causes the opponent to fall into a sudden blackout in which the opponent loses his control on the body.it’s inferior to Yamanaka clan’s mind body disturbance technique but using this technique he evaded a fatal blow from Asuma. Asuma quickly woke up that mean’s it is applicable for a vey less time interval but the dreadful thing about this is unlike genjutsu it doesn’t need a eye to eye contact, don’t know how many more jutsu’s this guy has in his sleeves.
    Girgati(emerges from ground)-how was that Asuma today I will make it true what I said the last time we met.

    Asuma (Flashback)-9 years before.

    Ninja -its time to fall back sir. Our group is ordered by the raikage.
    Zamaki-I can’t go before finishing this off.
    Asuma-and I can’t wait to see you die before me.
    Ninja-it is a strict order sir. He has ordered you to appears before him right now.
    Zamaki-shut up and go away from here.
    Ninja-We are in a peace treaty with Konoha now. We are not allowed to continue fighting with any of the Konoha.
    Zamaki-your luck is too good today to allow you to die today
    Asuna-That applies for you Zamaki. Don’t try to falsely assure yourself that you can kill me.

    Zamaki-I am binded now but I promise you one thing that when we meet the next time only one of us will return back.

    Asuma-why are you so desperate to die.the grand design has given you a second chance to live today. enjoy it and pray that we never meet again.
    Zamaki-let’s wait and see.


    Asuma(returns back from his memories)-Even today you have a big mouth. It seems you haven’t gained any wisdom in these following years. Just go away and you will again save your life. This time no one will come to tell you to fallback and neither I will let you.You can’t even defeat me and Kakashi’s presence depletes your chances to a further level.
    Zamaki-I have been waiting for today for a long time,and now I will kill you both.

    Zamaki-Fire Relese Instant Breath

    Kakashi-Water Relese Water Typhoon

    Asuma-fuuton kazekari.

    Zamaki-Mind body Imbalance (Asuma falls victim again)

    Kakashi comes from behind-Chidori

    Kakashi-you forgot me.

    Zamaki-But you were there(fall’s down and kakashi’s shadow clone disappears at which Zamaki was pointing at).

    Kakashi-I was desperately waiting for this moment.your mind body imbalance doesn’t just makes you opponent into a blackout but also has a impact on you. By observing your Jutsu last time I concluded that during this jutsu you too suffer with a certain blackout, although for a lesser time but it causes your reflexes to suffer and slow down drastically.

    Zamaki(sulkly)-This jutsu of yours has even pierced my back protector but it was not enough to kill me.

    Zamaki- Desperate Mind Body Imbalance Jutsu.(Even Kakashi falls down this time)

    Zamaki(thinking)-This is the highest form of technique that can be used by a Girgati clan member..This Jutsu disconnects the brain from the body for a considerable period of time.During this period this Jutsu forces all the chakra points of the body to open causing constant leak of chakra. Anybody within 15 meters while the Jutsu is performed cannot evade this by any means .
    The only drawback of this Jutsu is that if the user loses focus on the victims during the course of this jutsu before it is completed will never be able to be conscious once again. His brain will be disconnected from all the 5 senses in the body permanently.Thats why it was labeled as kinjutsu by the Girgati clan members.it is called as a suicidal technique due to its lesser success rate.

    But during these years I have well researched on this technique and have tried to make it perfect.I even succeeded in it..i have succeeded in utilizing the chakra which is leaking constantly from the victims body. I gather this chakra around my body and use it as a shield. The shield is many times stronger than even steel and remains affectless by any attack.There is no way to reach to me hence making it impossible to disturb my focus on them. It has made me invincible and capable of taking anyone’s life who is inside my reach.(laughs)

    Goodbye Asuma and Kakashi.

    Previous Chapter- Team Asuma,The real test
    http://narutobase.net/forums/showthread.php?t=366503

    Next Chapter-The Ultimate face off,The will of a Young Yamanaka
    http://narutobase.net/forums/showthr...2#post11430897
     
         
    Last edited by Fermion; 05-06-2013 at 07:09 AM.

  2. #2
    Member 0TailBijuu's Avatar
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    just being a boss.
     

    Re: Chapter 2-Team Asuma,The real test

    what is this about? when would it take place?
     
         

  3. #3
    I am the most hated member Steven Segal's Avatar
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    Logic + facts = my threads
     

    Re: Chapter 2-Team Asuma,The real test

    Who is zamaki
     
         

  4. #4
    Rage of Olympus... Fermion's Avatar
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    ”Nothing sucks more than
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    wrong”
     

    Re: Chapter 2-Team Asuma,The real test

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven Segal View Post
    Who is zamaki
    Zamaki Is the first name of Girgati.To know who is Zamaki Girgati you have to read the story....
     
         

  5. #5
    Senior Member Hori's Avatar
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    Stop worrying about the world
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    Re: Chapter 2-Team Asuma,The real test

    Awesomefan fiction, I really loved it, but where is In and Chouji?
     
         

  6. #6
    Senior Member - Їиfєяио -'s Avatar
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    Re: Chapter 2-Team Asuma,The real test

    wow - really waitin to see what happens next
     
         

  7. #7
    Senior Member Skylar Knight's Avatar
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    Because people don't have
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    Re: Chapter 2-Team Asuma,The real test

    I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’ve improved your grammar since the last chapter. However, it’s still sloppy with some errors here and there, and I could even find a few words that don’t exist. Putting it briefly, despite the improvement of your grammar, it still needs some heavy work.

    Most of your story is made out of dialogue. It’s all about writing style, but I really think you should describe things a bit more. What the characters are feelings, what they’re hearing, what they can see. The readers will get more into the plot, and most of us would feel like a part of the story. It’s all about writing style, where you like to write dialogues, but I believe it would help you to describe things more.

    Lastly, the plot. I think you could’ve made more out of the fighting and be more creative with tactics and such. I’m glad there was more creativity in this one, but you still need to come up with your own new ideas to make the plot more exciting. It’s all about creativity, and I’m sure you’ll come up with something if you sit down and think about it.

    Same as the last chapter, the plot was decent, but grammar mistakes and lack of description ruined it. You’re getting better though, so keep at it.
     
         

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