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  1. #1
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    The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Prologue


    The mass and majesty of this world, all
    That carries weight and always weighs the same
    Lay in the hands of others; they were small
    And could not hope for help and no help came:
    What their foes liked to do was done, their shame
    Was all the worst could wish; they lost their pride
    And died as men before their bodies died...


    Extract of the Shield of Achilles by W.H. Auden


    Those apocalyptic words on the shield of Achilles are not exact metaphors of what occurred on that dreadful day of March 07, 2036. For, there was no hero to save mankind on that day; neither was their a shield to protect us. Instead, humanity was struck. Struck with blatant helplessness. Struck with overwhelming fear. Struck by astonishing failure. Nearly struck by a gigantesque impact of an asteroid.

    Nearly - because, mankind fought as they came close to the abyss of extinction. Historians claim that the asteroid, Apophis was ruled out by NASA, in 2013, to have any direct impact-collision with the Earth. It was supposedly to come not closer than 19,400 miles above Earth's surface on April 13, 2029 and the possibility of passing through a gravitational keyhole for later impact in 2036 dropped to one in a million. Unfortunately, it was not a zero probability and Apophis squeezed to the keyhole to humanity's greatest dismay. Exact scientific reports about how those calculations mistimed such heavily is still fuzzed but upon the impending sight over the years, priority wasn't on reasoning. It was about survival!

    The world's largest superpowers agreed on the usage of nuclear power. Afterall, humans claimed for so many years about their intelligence and they refused to have their fate sealed in similar fashion as some reptile species were, millions of years ago. And thereby, mankind played their most important gamble on that 7th March. While, Apophis exploded under several nuclear rockets, the shockwave explosion created a mega-tsunami that ravaged nearly all countries found on the Pacific Rim. Several islands and including Australia were completely engulfed and met with a similar tragic end like the myth of Atlantis.

    But despite Apophis' destruction, that day wasn't marked as the conquer of doom. Not due to the collateral damages but because a greater bane turned the very living of humanity upside down. People all around the world started losing one or more of their five perception senses.

    That black day was named as the Isfet Impact!

    The exact reason of the disappearance of the senses is still clouded in speculations. The most widely-spread theory is that the radiation, released after nuclear energy destroyed Apophis, triggered the first-ever mutation of neurons in history. Some theorists advance that the radiation isn't the real cause of the Isfet Impact and that, it is merely the particles in Apophis that caused this mutation. All to the way, where some theists even argue that this happened because mankind retaliated and did not accept the wrath of God as per His will. No antidote has ever been successful to revert this mutation.

    This neuro-mutation had some more drawbacks but also some extraordinary super-advantages. The disadvantages was that this mutation also caused a genetic defect in all "infected" persons. As the life cycle kept going, all newer generations were carrying the symptoms. However, this genetic neuro-mutation - named Sensyl Mutation some months after Isfet Impact - created an unprecedented power.

    Amidst the panic of the loss of taste or smell, or the frightening moment of blindness or dumbness or even numbness - a new light shone. Those people affected in different ways by the Sensyl Mutation, were losing some of their senses but were also gaining sharper senses in their remaining ones. As research moved on, it was found that the Sensyl Mutation was a coordinated change and had a trend.

    For one specific sense that was lost, the other 4 senses were "upgraded". If 2 senses were lost due to the Sensyl Mutation, the other 3 senses were "upgraded further". This trend kept, to the point where one specific sense received ultimate ability, at the cost of the 4 other senses. Thereby, those trends in those "powers" were attributed names and numbers.

    People unaffected by Sensyl Mutation had Percept Grade 0 while people with 4 lost senses had Percept Grade 4. Similarly, people with Percept Grade 0 had all their 5 Sensyl Values at 1. And Percept Grade 1 humans had 1 of their Sensyl Value at 0 and the other 4 senses at Sensyl Value: 2. This goes right till the rare Percept Grade 4 "people" that possess one of their ultimate sense at an all-time high Sensyl Value: 5.

    Myths say that the reason, Japan is the greatest superpower country in today's time, it's because the only 3 "persons" in the world that got one ultimate Sensyl Value: 5, are Japanese. However, they are unseen to the common people, with rumors saying that they transcended their mere human stage by receiving the ultimate Sensyl Value: 5 and are now Godly divinities or deities of this world.

    Whether Sensyl Mutation was a scourge or a boon is still questioned while it is also up to debate if Sensyl Mutation was an evolution, revolution or devolution of the senses. Whatsoever, humanity never remain the same since Isfet Impact. It's even said that the old mankind was indeed pushed to extinction since people with Percept Grade 0 - the once-normal people - belong now to a mere 7.3% of the world population.

    Nonetheless, gradually a new stability was formed after some years of post-apocalypse feeling. Even if the secrets of Sensyl Mutation are still unfound, the functionality and understanding of Percept Grades and Sensyl Values were grasped as no abnormalities were reported as per public reports.

    Mankind were reborn in new features from the ashes and over the years, world peace was seemingly attained.

    Year 2117


    In complete dark is suspended a man - blindfolded, arms chained to the ceiling and legs confined. In deep sleep, nearing footsteps follow him into the waking world as the cringing metal door is opened.

    Guard: Hey, Prisoner No. 329, you've got a v....

    Prisoner No. 329: ...a visitor, right, Azuma? I know you like to make opening speeches to accentuate my condition of parasite compared to your position...

    Azuma: You bastar...

    Prisoner No. 329: but even if I'm blindfolded, it is definitely not a recondite assumption to make that you are accompanied today. One doesn't need a Delphic mind to differentiate between footsteps sounds. Besides, Azuma, I doubt you have suddenly decided to use lavender perfume on that sweaty body of yours. And blueberry shampoo on your bald noggin head would be even more uncanny...

    Azuma: You arrogant dic....

    Prisoner No. 329: Don't get angry on your looks, Azuma. Besides, it's me who should be pissed. I'm hanging in S&M fashion since hours and not only do you wake me up, but you don't come with the plate of steamed rice and boiled potatoes to fill up my stomach.

    Azuma: You should be grateful that I don't whip your ass right now. Anyways, if you will shut your loudmouth, maybe your visitor could talk. She is...

    Ayumi: Allow me to introduce myself!

    Prisoner No. 329: Oh, a young woman!

    Ayumi: ... I am Ayumi Ijima - Chief Inspector of CIA! I'm here for you, Pr...Shindou, Kaede!

    Kaede: ...

    Kaede: And on what honors?

    Ayumi: You shall know very soon...


    ~END OF PROLOGUE


    Prologue | Chapter 1
     
         
    Last edited by Escorpiius; 06-16-2013 at 12:08 AM.

  2. #2
    |̲̅̅●̲(ℭℌґїs ℬґøẘη)●̲̅̅| Confucius's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    I spelled NASA. xD Also, the Sensyl Mutation grading is confusing, but I'll work it out. Also, I'm sensing Star Track here.
     
         

  3. #3
    Legendary Sage of Konoha Michael92's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    It's very similar to the preview you showed me, but I guess it has an "upgraded" feel to it.

    Like I've already told you (bad thing about previews I suppose, because it's easy to say everything forehand, being left with no new expression on reading the final result), it's a great prologue, and I like the detailed explanation.
    And I actually have a question for you;

    "Amidst the panic of the loss of taste or smell, or the frightening moment of blindness or dumbness or even numbness - a new light shone. Those people affected in different ways by the Sensyl Mutation, were losing some of their senses but were also gaining sharper senses in their remaining ones. As research moved on, it was found that the Sensyl Mutation was a coordinated change and had a trend."

    So I guess the five senses are connected to the mouth, the nose, the eyes, the mind and the "touch/feeling..." So my question is as follows, the hearing sense - the ears, is not counted/regarded as a sense linked to the "sensation" ??

    Ps; There was another post before mine, but now it's gone... What happened to it?? O__o xD

    Edit: And I obviously forgot to mention, but I already "Thanked You" and rated the chapter bro Now onwards to the first chapter ^_^

    Shoot! I forgot to say... The name of the FF. I like it
     
         
    Last edited by Michael92; 06-16-2013 at 01:15 AM. Reason: Ps & Edit.

  4. #4
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Couple grammar/misspelling errors here and there, but otherwise very good Nice premise, could make for an interesting anime Only part that really confused me was when you were listing the different statuses of Sensyl mutations. Would you mind helping me out there?
     
         

  5. #5
    Legendary Sage of Konoha Michael92's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Couple grammar/misspelling errors here and there, but otherwise very good Nice premise, could make for an interesting anime Only part that really confused me was when you were listing the different statuses of Sensyl mutations. Would you mind helping me out there?
    Escorpiius seem busy, what can I help you out with bro?? Btw, seeing you here already neglected the purpose of my post in the "other thread (the one you mustn't name)" Haha xD
     
         

  6. #6
    Senior Member Chakra Wizard's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    Escorpiius seem busy, what can I help you out with bro?? Btw, seeing you here already neglected the purpose of my post in the "other thread (the one you mustn't name)" Haha xD
    Well yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that that can be a turn-off for any FF/OF, especially for an OF this good.

    Yeah, when he was listing the Percept Levels and Sensoyl Values or what-not, he kinda lost me while explaining those.
     
         

  7. #7
    ǝsɔoɹdııns Escorpiius's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    It's very similar to the preview you showed me, but I guess it has an "upgraded" feel to it.

    Like I've already told you (bad thing about previews I suppose, because it's easy to say everything forehand, being left with no new expression on reading the final result), it's a great prologue, and I like the detailed explanation.
    And I actually have a question for you;

    "Amidst the panic of the loss of taste or smell, or the frightening moment of blindness or dumbness or even numbness - a new light shone. Those people affected in different ways by the Sensyl Mutation, were losing some of their senses but were also gaining sharper senses in their remaining ones. As research moved on, it was found that the Sensyl Mutation was a coordinated change and had a trend."

    So I guess the five senses are connected to the mouth, the nose, the eyes, the mind and the "touch/feeling..." So my question is as follows, the hearing sense - the ears, is not counted/regarded as a sense linked to the "sensation" ??

    Ps; There was another post before mine, but now it's gone... What happened to it?? O__o xD

    Edit: And I obviously forgot to mention, but I already "Thanked You" and rated the chapter bro Now onwards to the first chapter ^_^

    Shoot! I forgot to say... The name of the FF. I like it
    Yeah, main changes from what I've shown you, is the formatting, 2-3 sentences structure changes and some minor stuffs.

    The five senses are sight (eyes-connected), taste (mouth-connected), touch (body-connection), smell (nose-connected) & hearing (ears-connection). The mind is not a senses by most classifications; even if till date, some are arguing about what makes the Senses and if there should be other senses ect... But for now, what you need to know is that the mind is not something that went through Sensyl Mutation as per my FF.

    Probably got deleted

    Thank you again for the feedback and the read.

    And yeah, glad you liked the name xD

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Couple grammar/misspelling errors here and there, but otherwise very good Nice premise, could make for an interesting anime Only part that really confused me was when you were listing the different statuses of Sensyl mutations. Would you mind helping me out there?
    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Well yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that that can be a turn-off for any FF/OF, especially for an OF this good.

    Yeah, when he was listing the Percept Levels and Sensyl Values or what-not, he kinda lost me while explaining those.
    I plead guilty to the few grammar errors. It's mainly because I did a terrible proofreading as it was late in the night by then - around 2.30 AM when I started proofread and my eyes were dropping dead. Hope you understand.

    Glad you loved the premise though.

    As for the Sensyl Mutations clarification about Sensyl Values & Percept Level: I plan to make a table on its principle soon along with some terminology explanation.

    The only reason I didn't, for now, is because I want to introduce some other characters that, as per the plot, will be crucial. You could say that I'm waiting for a current timing to release that table/terminology list.

    I'll be going-on slowly with the Sensyl Values with each chapters but I do understand that some will feel confusion, as it's something new and not that easily-relatable.

    I'll try to re-explain it here pointwise:

    - The minimum Percept Grade is 0, and maximum is 4.

    - Percept Grade is determined by how many "working" senses you've got.

    - That is, people with all normal 5 senses have a Percept Grade 0. The Percept Grade increases with every lost senses.

    - The key of Sensyl Mutation is that all senses become advanced ones, when one sense is lost. This is Sensyl Value.

    - All normal human beings have all normal 5 senses; thereby each one of their 5 senses have Sensyl Value: 1

    - The Sensyl Value goes from 1 to 5; the value increases with every lost sense.

    I hope you get it a lil' better. Do ask questions if you want though.
    I don't know if you already read Chapter 1 or if you got a better idea with that Chapter.
    In any case, I'll explain the Percept Grade & Sensyl Values very soon, in more detailed form, as I said above. Perhaps with the Chapter 2 or 3 itself.
     
         

  8. #8
    Legendary Sage of Konoha Michael92's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    Yeah, main changes from what I've shown you, is the formatting, 2-3 sentences structure changes and some minor stuffs.

    The five senses are sight (eyes-connected), taste (mouth-connected), touch (body-connection), smell (nose-connected) & hearing (ears-connection). The mind is not a senses by most classifications; even if till date, some are arguing about what makes the Senses and if there should be other senses ect... But for now, what you need to know is that the mind is not something that went through Sensyl Mutation as per my FF.

    Probably got deleted

    Thank you again for the feedback and the read.

    And yeah, glad you liked the name xD





    I plead guilty to the few grammar errors. It's mainly because I did a terrible proofreading as it was late in the night by then - around 2.30 AM when I started proofread and my eyes were dropping dead. Hope you understand.

    Glad you loved the premise though.

    As for the Sensyl Mutations clarification about Sensyl Values & Percept Level: I plan to make a table on its principle soon along with some terminology explanation.

    The only reason I didn't, for now, is because I want to introduce some other characters that, as per the plot, will be crucial. You could say that I'm waiting for a current timing to release that table/terminology list.

    I'll be going-on slowly with the Sensyl Values with each chapters but I do understand that some will feel confusion, as it's something new and not that easily-relatable.

    I'll try to re-explain it here pointwise:

    - The minimum Percept Grade is 0, and maximum is 4.

    - Percept Grade is determined by how many "working" senses you've got.

    - That is, people with all normal 5 senses have a Percept Grade 0. The Percept Grade increases with every lost senses.

    - The key of Sensyl Mutation is that all senses become advanced ones, when one sense is lost. This is Sensyl Value.

    - All normal human beings have all normal 5 senses; thereby each one of their 5 senses have Sensyl Value: 1

    - The Sensyl Value goes from 1 to 5; the value increases with every lost sense.

    I hope you get it a lil' better. Do ask questions if you want though.
    I don't know if you already read Chapter 1 or if you got a better idea with that Chapter.
    In any case, I'll explain the Percept Grade & Sensyl Values very soon, in more detailed form, as I said above. Perhaps with the Chapter 2 or 3 itself.
    I see, well I guess the "dumbness" part threw me off, as it didn't say anything about going deaf

    Nice read, although one thing. I could swear I saw Aiyumi say that Kaede had precept grade 0 and average value at 3 in chapter 1. Shouldn't that have been 1 then?? Or?
     
         

  9. #9
    ǝsɔoɹdııns Escorpiius's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    I see, well I guess the "dumbness" part threw me off, as it didn't say anything about going deaf

    Nice read, although one thing. I could swear I saw Aiyumi say that Kaede had precept grade 0 and average value at 3 in chapter 1. Shouldn't that have been 1 then?? Or?
    I think, I should have mentioned deafness. That being said, psychologically it is said that the loss of hearing, leads to dumbness as primary reaction. The reason, being the brain reacts to sound quite a lot and because, the power of speech is related to ability to hear. Anyhow, I think you got it - just lock in your mind about the 5 senses and the job will be done.

    Yes, it should have been Sensyl Value 1. Percept Grade 0 means that he had all his 5 senses working perfectly and normally. By Senses Axiom, since he had all 5 senses, his senses should not have been advanced one or his senses weren't to have a Sensyl Value greater than 1. That's the reason Kaede is an odd case.

    I guess, you understood it, since you had keen eyes enough for this. But I do see some more people being a lil' confuses about Percept Grades/Sensyl Values/Senses Axiom ect... I did planned to make a Data Table; with terminology explanation and principles of Sensyl Mutation. Perhaps, I'd introduce that, as soon as Chapter 2, the more I think of it.
     
         

  10. #10
    Legendary Sage of Konoha Michael92's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    I think, I should have mentioned deafness. That being said, psychologically it is said that the loss of hearing, leads to dumbness as primary reaction. The reason, being the brain reacts to sound quite a lot and because, the power of speech is related to ability to hear. Anyhow, I think you got it - just lock in your mind about the 5 senses and the job will be done.

    Yes, it should have been Sensyl Value 1. Percept Grade 0 means that he had all his 5 senses working perfectly and normally. By Senses Axiom, since he had all 5 senses, his senses should not have been advanced one or his senses weren't to have a Sensyl Value greater than 1. That's the reason Kaede is an odd case.

    I guess, you understood it, since you had keen eyes enough for this. But I do see some more people being a lil' confuses about Percept Grades/Sensyl Values/Senses Axiom ect... I did planned to make a Data Table; with terminology explanation and principles of Sensyl Mutation. Perhaps, I'd introduce that, as soon as Chapter 2, the more I think of it.
    Yeah I see, glad to have that out of the way

    In this case, he should have value 1, but has 3, but that's not what I meant, she says that he has grade 0, when she should have said 1 because he's affected without being affected? xD It's a tough one to explain, I know xD I think you need to establish whether 0 means people like us, or if it simply means whether you have all 5 senses or not.

    Good idea, although with a little more eagle-eye reading from us/detailing from you, I think it's okay as it is. Nonetheless, still a good idea
     
         

  11. #11
    ǝsɔoɹdııns Escorpiius's Avatar
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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    Yeah I see, glad to have that out of the way

    In this case, he should have value 1, but has 3, but that's not what I meant, she says that he has grade 0, when she should have said 1 because he's affected without being affected? xD It's a tough one to explain, I know xD I think you need to establish whether 0 means people like us, or if it simply means whether you have all 5 senses or not.

    Good idea, although with a little more eagle-eye reading from us/detailing from you, I think it's okay as it is. Nonetheless, still a good idea
    Yeah,,

    "...the Sensyl Mutation was a coordinated change and had a trend." This part is key to the basic understanding.

    So yes, in normal cases (not counting Kaede), Percept Grade 0 people are like people like us - that is unaffected by any type of mutation; thereby having all 5 senses normally. The principle that other senses are not advanced ones unless another sense is lost, is highly important. It's coordinated

    I'm going to do extra effort for the Data Table. Trying not to add any spoilers, keeping it simple format; so that most readers can grab the concept of Senses Mutation.
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    Yeah,,

    "...the Sensyl Mutation was a coordinated change and had a trend." This part is key to the basic understanding.

    So yes, in normal cases (not counting Kaede), Percept Grade 0 people are like people like us - that is unaffected by any type of mutation; thereby having all 5 senses normally. The principle that other senses are not advanced ones unless another sense is lost, is highly important. It's coordinated

    I'm going to do extra effort for the Data Table. Trying not to add any spoilers, keeping it simple format; so that most readers can grab the concept of Senses Mutation.
    Okay I see Well you basically answered what I purposed in my chapter 1 reply now
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    Yeah, main changes from what I've shown you, is the formatting, 2-3 sentences structure changes and some minor stuffs.

    The five senses are sight (eyes-connected), taste (mouth-connected), touch (body-connection), smell (nose-connected) & hearing (ears-connection). The mind is not a senses by most classifications; even if till date, some are arguing about what makes the Senses and if there should be other senses ect... But for now, what you need to know is that the mind is not something that went through Sensyl Mutation as per my FF.

    Probably got deleted

    Thank you again for the feedback and the read.

    And yeah, glad you liked the name xD





    I plead guilty to the few grammar errors. It's mainly because I did a terrible proofreading as it was late in the night by then - around 2.30 AM when I started proofread and my eyes were dropping dead. Hope you understand.

    Glad you loved the premise though.

    As for the Sensyl Mutations clarification about Sensyl Values & Percept Level: I plan to make a table on its principle soon along with some terminology explanation.

    The only reason I didn't, for now, is because I want to introduce some other characters that, as per the plot, will be crucial. You could say that I'm waiting for a current timing to release that table/terminology list.

    I'll be going-on slowly with the Sensyl Values with each chapters but I do understand that some will feel confusion, as it's something new and not that easily-relatable.

    I'll try to re-explain it here pointwise:

    - The minimum Percept Grade is 0, and maximum is 4.

    - Percept Grade is determined by how many "working" senses you've got.

    - That is, people with all normal 5 senses have a Percept Grade 0. The Percept Grade increases with every lost senses.

    - The key of Sensyl Mutation is that all senses become advanced ones, when one sense is lost. This is Sensyl Value.

    - All normal human beings have all normal 5 senses; thereby each one of their 5 senses have Sensyl Value: 1

    - The Sensyl Value goes from 1 to 5; the value increases with every lost sense.

    I hope you get it a lil' better. Do ask questions if you want though.
    I don't know if you already read Chapter 1 or if you got a better idea with that Chapter.
    In any case, I'll explain the Percept Grade & Sensyl Values very soon, in more detailed form, as I said above. Perhaps with the Chapter 2 or 3 itself.
    Ah, that clears things up a lot better. Thanks, I think I've got it now
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Ah, that clears things up a lot better. Thanks, I think I've got it now
    Now you'll have to just remember it till next time, haha, JK xD
    But in all seriousness, it's not that hard to grasp, once you submerge deep enough into the story ^_^
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    Now you'll have to just remember it till next time, haha, JK xD
    But in all seriousness, it's not that hard to grasp, once you submerge deep enough into the story ^_^
    I know, I just had a bit of a hard time understanding his original explanation
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    Okay I see Well you basically answered what I purposed in my chapter 1 reply now
    Great. Let's reply to your post in C1 then

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    Now you'll have to just remember it till next time, haha, JK xD
    But in all seriousness, it's not that hard to grasp, once you submerge deep enough into the story ^_^
    Hahaha...you make it sound like a real challenge.

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Ah, that clears things up a lot better. Thanks, I think I've got it now
    I'm glad, it's better now

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    I know, I just had a bit of a hard time understanding his original explanation
    Btw speaking of which, just one general point of view: Is it my explanation that was more hard to understand? Or is it the novelty in the concept that was hard to grasp? Or is it a mix of both? I'd kinda like direct feedback on that.
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    Great. Let's reply to your post in C1 then



    Hahaha...you make it sound like a real challenge.



    I'm glad, it's better now



    Btw speaking of which, just one general point of view: Is it my explanation that was more hard to understand? Or is it the novelty in the concept that was hard to grasp? Or is it a mix of both? I'd kinda like direct feedback on that.
    The concept was understandable, but It's perhaps a bit early to grasp everything in one go. I think I already said on C 1 what I though
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Michael92 View Post
    The concept was understandable, but It's perhaps a bit early to grasp everything in one go. I think I already said on C 1 what I though
    I'm glad, we're on the same page on this now
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    definitely interesting not a story am into but you have still done a good job plus rep
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Escorpiius View Post
    Great. Let's reply to your post in C1 then



    Hahaha...you make it sound like a real challenge.



    I'm glad, it's better now



    Btw speaking of which, just one general point of view: Is it my explanation that was more hard to understand? Or is it the novelty in the concept that was hard to grasp? Or is it a mix of both? I'd kinda like direct feedback on that.
    It was just the way you explained it in the chapter that made it a little confusing, that's all
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    definitely interesting not a story am into but you have still done a good job plus rep
    I understand and still thank you for reading and appreciating the effort

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    It was just the way you explained it in the chapter that made it a little confusing, that's all
    I guess, I'd take this on the chin and work harder then, to present my future chapters with more clearness and connectivity. Thanks for the honesty.
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    First of all, the title of this chapter seemed like it would have been something about Greek mythology but then when I began to read, it appeared to be futuristic lol Wow, you haven’t written in a long time and yet your writing are just as I had remembered if not better-simply exceptional!

    I really had to read this original FF of yours very carefully even going back a few times in past sentences or what have you. Your prologue was very informal and so well written but still somehow with a mysterious taste. As I continued to read, it seemed like I was reading a real-life article about the aftermath of a destroyed Asteroid. You chose the Japanese race to illustrate the best ranking mutated and I liked that. Although, it will be interesting to see how all the people infected by this mutation will play a role and even the non infected. The ending of this chapter wasn’t very informal on characters, etc. but something has been planted and I’m looking forward to see where this goes. Congratulations on a wonderful prologue and I’ll be reading the first chapter as soon as possible
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuroi Honoo View Post
    First of all, the title of this chapter seemed like it would have been something about Greek mythology but then when I began to read, it appeared to be futuristic lol Wow, you haven’t written in a long time and yet your writing are just as I had remembered if not better-simply exceptional!

    I really had to read this original FF of yours very carefully even going back a few times in past sentences or what have you. Your prologue was very informal and so well written but still somehow with a mysterious taste. As I continued to read, it seemed like I was reading a real-life article about the aftermath of a destroyed Asteroid. You chose the Japanese race to illustrate the best ranking mutated and I liked that. Although, it will be interesting to see how all the people infected by this mutation will play a role and even the non infected. The ending of this chapter wasn’t very informal on characters, etc. but something has been planted and I’m looking forward to see where this goes. Congratulations on a wonderful prologue and I’ll be reading the first chapter as soon as possible
    I love Mythology and hopefully, someday I'll write something around it; even if it's pretty implausible. The FF is indeed futuristic - or rather, post-apocalyptic to be even more precise. I wonder if my writing is as good as you always praised me for, but nonetheless, thanks once again!

    I'm glad to see that I aroused your curiosity enough with most of themes inserted. I do understand your point about the prologue being highly informal. In fact, that was one of the biggest fears in this Prologue, as I feared that the data-essay look of things will make the reading way too boring and verbose. The ending was inserted at last ditch, to try to make proceedings more spicy and diverse from above lots of information ^^ I hope you like the first chapter and the future works Thanks again for your insight.
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    Oh, I too like mythology especially Greek and I would definitely enjoy whatever myth-like FF you’d create ^^ Nice, I also like the post-apocalyptic genre and I’m happy to hear that your story is based around that Don’t ever give it a second thought, believe me your writing far exceeds anything I could ever do. Well, you had nothing to fear as you succeeded with your prologue in my opinion and you’re welcome
     
         

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    Re: The Senses Axiom ~ Prologue

    If you ever read advice from professionals in the literary world, one of the highly recurring points is that prologues should almost never be used. Why? Because they are usually an excuse to dump info on the reader, saving yourself from having to introduce those details in your narrative. Also, an aspect of more modern writing styles is starting your story in the middle; which is another way of saying to begin in the action, not the build up to it. This grips your reader from page one; which, not coincidentally, is usually the page that decides whether a publisher will immediately trash your manuscript or continue to read on.
     
         
    Last edited by Vilvake; 07-01-2013 at 12:58 AM.

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