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  1. #1
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    Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1
    Prologue

    Kakuzu has found out that Tobi's plan is to put the world in an infinite Tsukuyomi, in which everyone's freedom will be controlled by the user of Mugen Tsukuyomi. Kakuzu is infuriated in which leads him to go on a rampage, and stop Tobi's plan. He will use any means necessary to eliminate the problem, even if that means killing his fellow Akatsuki members.

    Scenario Information

    Knowledge:
    Full

    Scenario:
    Outskirts Of Kumogakure

    Distance:
    15 Meters

    Dialogue #1

    Hidan: Kakuzu how much further till we reach Kumogakure dammit! I haven't made a sacrifice to Lord Jashin all day, I need to kill that damned Jinchūriki!

    Kakuzu: Hidan be quiet you're annoying me beyond comprehension, don't make me kill you..

    Hidan: Kill me? HAHAHA! Killing you would be like hitting the jackpot five hearts in one body, Jashin would be pleased!

    Kakuzu: Don't be a fool.. Let's keep moving before I act on instincts, and stick to my original priorities.

    Hidan: Is that a threat?! You bastard, Lord Jashin please accept my contribution!! -Hidan charges at Kakuzu-

    Hidan charges at top speed towards Kakuzu twirling his Sanjin no Ōgama counter-clockwise, then throwing it directly into Kakuzu's direction attempting to pierce his chest, and possibly retract blood from his wound. As Hidan throws, and retracts the cable extensions within his scythe he simultaneously draws the Symbol Of Jashin.

    As Kakuzu is surprisingly blitzed by an enraged Hidan, he witnesses Hidan's scythe coming at him from the 12 o'clock direction in which he performs Doton: Domu causing the surprise blitz performed by Hidan's Sanjin no Ōgama ineffective, while Sanjin no Ōgama is deflected behind Kakuzu, seconds later Kakuzu deactivates Doton: Domu in order to gain mobility again. Kakuzu then takes to the offensive charging toward Hidan while leaping into the air, and once again using a partial Doton: Domu to harden his right fist in which slams into Hidan's face knocking him out of Jashin's circle.

    Dialogue #2

    Hidan: Heh. Kakuzu you were damned from the beginning, Lord Jashin has shown me your death! Die by my Sanjin no Ōgama!!

    Kakuzu: .. (What a fool, he doesn't even know what's going on)

    Hidan: Lord Jashin, you will soon retrieve my debt in full! Kakuzu sacrifice yourself to Lord Jashin! Let me end your existence with pain, and suffering!

    Kakuzu: Hidan! I overheard Tobi talking with the other members in HQ about a plan to trap everyone within an Infinite Genju- -Kakuzu is struck with Sanjin no Ōgama from behind-


    Hidan: HAHA! You're a damn fool Kakuzu, I couldn't care what Tobi does, Lord Jashin will protect me from harm! Now to matters far more important, should I kill you now, or make you suffer a little more!

    Hidan uses Kakuzu's speech as an advantage to attack Kakuzu with his Sanjin no Ōgama in which lay behind Kakuzu. As Hidan retracts Sanjin no Ōgama pulling it towards himself it hits Kakuzu directly in the center of his back on the left side, in which sunk deeper, and deeper as Hidan continuously pulled forward on the Sanjin no Ōgama causing the top blade to pierce Kakuzu's heart. Hidan then rushed back into his Circle Of Jashin, while integrating Kakuzu's blood within his own, causing him to passively activate Jujutsu: Shiji Hyōketsu, in which Hidan began to show a God Of Death complexion.

    Kakuzu in pain dropped dead to the ground in which his masks deployed evenly on each side of him. His Suiton Mask had fused back inside of him in order to revive him back from the dead in which Kakuzu deployed his left arm into the ground swiftly, and untraceble, then sternly stood up. Noticing Hidan had successfully performed Jujutsu: Shiji Hyōketsu, Kakuzu acted quickly by calling upon his left arm in which he had earlier deployed within the ground to take hold of both Hidan's Sanjin no Ōgama, and Akatsuki cloak in which his left arm successfully had done. Kakuzu then tossed aside Hidan's Sanjin no Ōgama, and his Akatsuki cloak in which carried a minimum of two retractable spears which tumbled out of Hidan, and Kakuzu's range.
    Dialogue #3

    Hidan: You're a damned pest Kakuzu! A roach I shall step on, you will soon fear the Wrath Of JASHIN!

    Kakuzu: I see.. Talking isn't an option any longer. Hidan, you were a fool from the beginning, and you will remain a fool to the very end. But at least.. At least you were your very own until the end.. Something I respect.

    Hidan: Your babbling is pissing me off! You're the one whose dying today Kakuzu, Lord Jashin has shown me your death clearly! Your soul will forever be tortured, and agonized by Lord Jashin!

    Kakuzu: Your God.. Is a minuscule deity when compared to a true demon. Let me show you what power truly is!


    As Hidan is stripped of his Sanjin no Ōgama, and Akatsuki cloak he charges in the direction in which his stolen items are located, while targeting a direct punch toward Kakuzu's head in which was a futile act without any weapon to cause any significant damage. As Hidan performed this moot attempt to reunite with his discarded Sanjin no Ōgama, and Akatsuki cloak he then followed that swift jab with a leg sweep trying to get Kakuzu to the ground.

    As Kakuzu is struck with a jab to the head, and a leg sweep he quickly evades both with no difficulty countering with a swift, and strong kick to the chest sending Hidan flying a few meters backwards. Kakuzu then forms the Snake handseal, and positions the Lightning-Mask in front of himself causing the jutsu: Raiton: Gian to be emitted from the Mask's mouth piercing Hidan's neck, making a hole in the middle of his adam's apple. Kakuzu then swiftly retracts his Jiongu threads at Hidan targeting the previously made hole within Hidan's neck. Once the threads had reached their destination, the simulation of removing Hidan's head, from his body had begun, and successfully was completed.
    Epilogue

    Hidan: Kakuzu.. Man you know I was only joking. Come put me back together you bastard!

    Kakuzu: ..

    Hidan: Kakuzu! Damn you! Jashin will show no mercy when it is your time! I hope you rot from suffering you traitor!!

    Kakuzu: Jashin is nothing compared to a Demon, but this Demon is lead by another cause.. Remember this Hidan when you rot in hell, ask yourself this: "Where was Jashin". I guess you can call me The Bishop making everyone atone for their sins.. -Kakuzu walks away from a swearing Hidan-

    This will be a continuing series, but I have to see what the public's opinion on my first fanfic is.
     
         
    Last edited by DrProof; 06-21-2013 at 12:46 PM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    I hate Kakuzu and fans of him, but this sounds like something the Zonbi Konbi would do. I actually like this, and looking forward for a next.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    I like that.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquadextrious View Post
    I hate Kakuzu and fans of him, but this sounds like something the Zonbi Konbi would do. I actually like this, and looking forward for a next.
    Why would you hate us Kakuzu fans.

    OT: Thanks Aqua, I'll be sure to work on Pt.2, this series will mostly focus on action mainly. It'll get a lot more interesting when I get a couple more chapters in. This part of the story took place when Kakuzu, and Hidan went to capture Yugito Nii (The Two Tails).


    Quote Originally Posted by Obito3631 View Post
    I like that.
    I hope Hidan got a proper death bro. I wanted to do him justice, did I do it correctly? Anything I could have improved on?
     
         
    Last edited by DrProof; 06-21-2013 at 10:46 AM.

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by DrProof View Post
    Why would you hate us Kakuzu fans.

    OT: Thanks Aqua, I'll be sure to work on Pt.2, this series will mostly focus on action mainly. It'll get a lot more interesting when I get a couple more chapters in. This part of the story took place when Kakuzu, and Hidan wen't to capture Yugito Nii (The Two Tails).

    I just hate when people hype him.

    I'll be waiting.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquadextrious View Post
    I just hate when people hype him.

    I'll be waiting.
    Well he has capabilities, let's just leave it at that.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by Délta View Post
    I dislike this for 1 obvious reason. Hidan knows that Kakuzu cannot hurt him while he is in his symbol with his curse activated, you state Hidan leaves his circle to get his scythe and retractable spears. Why would he leave the circle? Kakuzu never removed the cable coils from Hidans back which are attached with a belt. So unless Kakuzu removed the cable coils all Hidan needs to do it pull on the cable to get his scythe back, Kakuzu cant remove him from his Symbol so your reasoning for Hidan to leave the circle is just bad. Not to mention Hidan is immortal. If he wanted to he could snap his own arm and use the sharpe bones to piece Kakuzu's hearts. Overall i think the reasoning behind Hidan's leaving of the circle was poor and unthough of.

    Other then that it was well written

    I only based this off of things we've seen in the manga my friend. We've never seen Hidan break his body parts solely; the only way in which we've seen Hidan introduce pain to an enemy is via retractable spears, or his scythe. Kakuzu's threads were shown to be very strong, and forceful so yanking the scythe solely would be an easy feat. I don't see how Hidan leaving the circle was poor if I based it off of solely manga related events.

    And thanks bro, it's my first fanfic.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    [QUOTErProof;12209614]Why would you hate us Kakuzu fans.

    OT: Thanks Aqua, I'll be sure to work on Pt.2, this series will mostly focus on action mainly. It'll get a lot more interesting when I get a couple more chapters in. This part of the story took place when Kakuzu, and Hidan went to capture Yugito Nii (The Two Tails).


    Quote Originally Posted by Délta View Post
    I dislike this for 1 obvious reason. Hidan knows that Kakuzu cannot hurt him while he is in his symbol with his curse activated, you state Hidan leaves his circle to get his scythe and retractable spears. Why would he leave the circle? Kakuzu never removed the cable coils from Hidans back which are attached with a belt. So unless Kakuzu removed the cable coils all Hidan needs to do it pull on the cable to get his scythe back, Kakuzu cant remove him from his Symbol so your reasoning for Hidan to leave the circle is just bad. Not to mention Hidan is immortal. If he wanted to he could snap his own arm and use the sharpe bones to piece Kakuzu's hearts. Overall i think the reasoning behind Hidan's leaving of the circle was poor and unthough of.

    Other then that it was well written
    This basically, there are too many inconsistencies about Hidan, you should have studied his character more thoroughly, also I don't think it was a good idea to kill him off right off the bat.
     
         

  9. #9
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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    I'm starting to become a Kakuzu fan

    I like it, please continue
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by Obito3631 View Post



    This basically, there are too many inconsistencies about Hidan, you should have studied his character more thoroughly, also I don't think it was a good idea to kill him off right off the bat.
    Yeah I probably should have studied a bit more on his character (I was a bit tired also, so I blame my insomnia!). But I don't think Hidan is one that can be persuaded once one insults his God Jashin, once he gets started there is no stopping him.

    Hidan would have been a liability to Kakuzu, but don't worry Hidan will come back later in the series for sure. After all he cannot die.


    Quote Originally Posted by Rivaille View Post
    I'm starting to become a Kakuzu fan

    I like it, please continue
    Thanks man!
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Really good, looking forward to the next one.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by Joelroll23 View Post
    Really good, looking forward to the next one.
    The next one will be epic indeed, and I will study thoroughly on this character so that I will do their persona perfectly.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    not bad... couple things Hidan wouldnt of done... but not bad You should RP
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed Prince View Post
    not bad... couple things Hidan wouldnt of done... but not bad You should RP

    Please explain the underlined context. And why should I RP? I don't think I'd be all that good that's why I'm off, and on with it.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Good read, looking forward to seeing more of this.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by -6 Paths- View Post
    Good read, looking forward to seeing more of this.
    Thanks my man. I have ways to go though.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Great job in the writing .. my only quarrel is that the akatsuki are going too be fighting I like the fanfictions that still keep them together ( or at least, Kakuzu,Hidan,Kisame,Itachi,Sasori,Deidara,Pain)
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by Zexion~ View Post
    Great job in the writing .. my only quarrel is that the akatsuki are going too be fighting I like the fanfictions that still keep them together ( or at least, Kakuzu,Hidan,Kisame,Itachi,Sasori,Deidara,Pain)

    Who knows man. We'll have to see what happens later on.

    And thanks my man. Writing about Kakuzu is a pleasure.
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Nice one, i'm really lookin forward to the next chapter
     
         

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    Re: Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

    Quote Originally Posted by M3U View Post
    Nice one, i'm really lookin forward to the next chapter
    So much motivation. Thanks man!
     
         

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