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  1. #1
    Senior Member Cyanide Addiction's Avatar
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    Do or do not... There is no
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    Wrong Turn

    Life's full of turns down roads that may not last
    Some are foolishly taken
    Some are cautiously passed
    But some are passed because we are mistaken

    It's impossible to never make a wrong turn
    You can pretend your perfect
    But there's only so much you can remember and learn
    Arrogance will only make you a reject

    Some can't wait for their chance to take a turn
    But then they don't know which way to go
    They didn't realize, you can't have what you didn't earn
    Only what you work for will you ever know

    Maybe you're turning away from a lost cause
    But maybe that cause isn't that lost
    So stop, and put that turn on pause
    Because taking it may be to high a cost

    I guess what I'm trying to say..
    Is that it's better to be cautious and learn
    While living life day by day
    Than to plan too far ahead and ignorantly make a wrong turn

    On a side note.. they seriously need to make like a "life lesson" category or something. "Other" is way to vague.
     
         

  2. #2
    Senior Member straightup's Avatar
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    Re: Wrong Turn

    the poem was well done. You should consider making some tweaks to it though. Some parts dont hit the ear right. Like
    "Some are cautiously passed
    But some are passed because we are mistaken" you sould find another word to replace the second passed. maybe just try to replace the second line with "Just dont go to fast and try to make it last. Life is a show and you decide the cast" that sounds a little better. A couple other things i could recommend but im not going to impose so if you want my help pm me. But otherwise good job
     
         

  3. #3
    Senior Member Braveknight's Avatar
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    meh
     

    Re: Wrong Turn

    This poem or story or slice of life, what ever you want to call it was decent, but hard to read.

     
         

  4. #4
    Senior Member Cyanide Addiction's Avatar
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    Do or do not... There is no
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    Re: Wrong Turn

    Quote Originally Posted by straightup View Post
    the poem was well done. You should consider making some tweaks to it though. Some parts dont hit the ear right. Like
    "Some are cautiously passed
    But some are passed because we are mistaken" you sould find another word to replace the second passed. maybe just try to replace the second line with "Just dont go to fast and try to make it last. Life is a show and you decide the cast" that sounds a little better. A couple other things i could recommend but im not going to impose so if you want my help pm me. But otherwise good job
    Quote Originally Posted by Braveknight View Post
    This poem or story or slice of life, what ever you want to call it was decent, but hard to read.

    Truthfully, I proof-read this sh!t back in the day, but I got lazy at some point. I should probably start doing that again since I started up my Killing Time Blog back up here in the forums. Thank you for your input though.
     
         

  5. #5
    Senior Member Noni's Avatar
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    Say hello to the city Mayor.
     

    Re: Wrong Turn

    It was a basic story of life lessons. I liked it.
     
         

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