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  1. #1
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    Kaosuanrīshudo (Choas Unleashed)- Chapter 1: A boy named Shinichi

    My first fanfic, and it's long, so please bear with me. Suggestions are welcome!
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    (1000 years ago, Japan was at constant war. Millions of people lost their lives in the Great Clan War. The war was between two historic clans- Saito clan and Suzuki clan. It almost seemed like their destiny was to constantly fight each other. The Saito clan and Suzuki clan both possessed special eyes called 'Jashi', meaning 'evil eye'. The wielder of the Jashi was called Jaganshi. It gave the user the power to teleport, telekinesis, telepathy and god speed and a special attack called
    "The Dragon Of The Darkness Flame". On whomever the "Dragon Of The Darkness Flame" was cast would turn into a pure death machine and that person would be the puppets of the caster. In return, it made the wielder evil, as those who possessed it were cursed to turn evil and even kill their own clansmen for no apparent reason. It was not known, that how this evil eye came into being Legends said that a man named Yamamoto Urabe, a king known for his kindness was the first wielder of Jashi. The Urabe clan was known for their toughness in battle. Whenever there occurred a war, the Urabe clan headsman would send some of his men on the battlefield to just test the enemy's capabilities. Members of Urabe clan had no hesitation of dying on the battlefield and readily went to war. It's not known how the Saito and Suzuki clans got this eye power.
    Meanwhile, modern day, Japan. It was a cold, windy day. Distant sound of footsteps..as it is slowly revealed who's footsteps they were. They were of a boy named Shinichi Saito who slowly starts walking faster which changes into a fast paced run with an evil smile on his face. He's revealed to be tall, fair, and handsome with spiky and messy black hair and bangs falling on his face sidewards, blue eyes and a slender build. He's 18 years old and the local football champion and he's infamous for being a bully. As, he approaches his destination, his smile turns into a grin. His friends were already beating up a fellow classmate, named Takashi who dared to stand against their cruelty. Even though they were rich brats, they stole money from him almost everyday and spent it in getting drunk. Shinichi asked them to step aside and he walked towards Takashi.

    Shinichi: "Oye Takashi, you've grown some balls, huh?" as Shinichi's grin changes into a smirk.
    Takashi:"I-I-I-I will not bear this anymore".
    Shinichi:"Lets see what you got, *****! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
    Shinichi then grabs Takashi by the collar and starts beating him and Takashi falls to the ground. Shinichi and his friends start walking away casually. Takashi slowly gets up with his last remaining strength.
    Takashi:"I c-c-can still stand" as Takashi holds his injured arm, with blood on his face and blood flowing out of his mouth.
    Shinichi turns back and walks casually towards Takashi.
    Shinichi: "Look mates, this guy has toughened up" as he laughs loudly.
    Shinichi then delivers a final blow to Takashi who then becomes unconscious.
    Shinichi's Friends: "He's one tough son of a *****".
    Shinichi: "Heh, indeed. I'm surprised by his change".
    To their surprise, Takashi gets up again.
    Shinichi: "Look mates, it's a great day today, I get to kill this guy".
    Shinichi's friends: "Kill?Your jokes suck Shinichi." as they look with a lazy gaze.
    Shinichi suddenly takes out his knife as he brutally pierces through Takashi.
    Takashi:"Gwaaaaaaaaaaah" as his lifeless body falls to the ground.
    Shinichi's friends: "Whaaaaaaaaaa--what just happened? We just steal money from people, we don't kill them, you sick ****!" as their expression changes into that of disbelief.
    Shinichi laughs to himself as he looks towards them with an evil gaze. Perturbed by his gaze, his friends run away as fast as possible. Shinichi's smile changes into an expression of shock.
    Shinichi:" W-W-What have I done ? " as his hands begin trembling in utter shock and the knife falls from his hand. Shinichi falls to the ground in a kneeling position as he looks towards the sky in dismay. This trauma causes him to become unconscious. The next day he lies on a bed in a hospital. Shinichi's parents look in concern towards him as he finally succeeds to finally wake up.

    Mother: (From here on, I'll refer to Shinichi's mom as mother.)
    "Shini, I was so worried, I thought that I lost you for a second!! " as she cries.
    Father:
    (From here on, I'll refer to Shinichi's dad as father.)
    "Son, I'm glad you're okay! You're one tough kid" as Shinichi's dad smiles.
    Shinichi: "W-W-What happened to me? Why am I here? "
    Mother: "We found you unconscious near Saitama prefecture."
    Shinichi: "U-u-unconscious? " What happened exact-t-t-ly? "
    Mother: "We don't know son, though we found a dead body of one of your friends! " as she looks in horror.
    "It seems, someone brutally murdered him with a knife and hurt you too!" as she starts sobbing again.
    Shinichi then suddenly recounts what happened yesterday. He looks towards the ceiling in shock and starts breathing very fast, as he experiences a panic attack".
    Mother: "Doctor, doctor!!!" as she runs out of the ICU ward and runs towards the hallway.
    "Something's happening to Shinichi! We need your help!!! as the doctor immediately follows Mother.
    Doctor: "Look at me, son, it's alright! Calm down. Take deep breaths", says the doc though nothing seems to work.
    "We need to give him anesthesia", as Shinichi's parents look in shock.
    Father: "Do what you can, doc!", as the doctor gives the anesthesia.
    Several hours later, the scene shifts to Saitama prefecture and it's afternoon time, with not even a single living soul on the road, and there is distant chirping of birds. Suddenly, heavy armor approaches the road with a large troop of men in black uniform, with a hood over their heads and heavy weapons in their hands and a scythe positioned firmly on their backs. They suddenly start firing everywhere and the atmosphere changes to that of a grim one. Suddenly, the sound of people is heard, as they look out of their windows and start panicking. They pick up some important things and they run out of the house. But to their dismay, there's a huge iron barrier set 400m from them. The barrier is about 100m tall. They look in dismay and try to desperately break it with their hands as their panicky expression changes into one of horror. They look toward the army and desperately plead them to spare their life. But the army is hell bent on killing them as they mercilessly slaughter every single human soul present there. Scene changes to the hospital as Shinichi looks better. Hearing the sound of bullets, everyone panick and Shinichi and his parents fled from the hospital and run towards the road. To their shock, there's the iron barrier present. Shinichi rubs his eyes as he sees his friends proceeding toward the iron barrier too. They all reach the barrier and try to break it with their hands. They accept their situation and turn toward the army, as within seconds everyone, including Shinichi's parents are mercilessly slaughtered, as Shinichi looks in dismay!

    Shinichi: "Kachan,
    Tochan! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "

    Shinichi: "You sick ****s, how dare you mercilessly slaughter my parents and kill so many innocents? " as Shinichi shouts to the General Commander.
    Takeo Suzuki( Son of the Commander) : "Says the one who killed his own classmate", as Shinichi looks in horror.
    Shinichi: "How do you e-e-e-e-e-ven kno---? " as Shinichi runs towards the armor with tears on his face
    General Commander: "Leave him be, this kid looks special to me." , as Shinichi collapses after facing another panic attack.
    General Commander: "We'll take him prisoner, come on, hurry up." as Shinichi's body is carried away by the army.

    Ch 1. End

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    Last edited by Naruto.; 12-18-2013 at 02:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member bimbonium's Avatar
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    Re: Kaosuanrīshudo (Choas Unleashed)- Chapter 1: A boy named Shinichi

    It's a fair read, though there may be some lack of continuity, shinshi was in the icu how did the army commander get there?
     
         

  3. #3
    Naruto.'s Avatar
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    Re: Kaosuanrīshudo (Choas Unleashed)- Chapter 1: A boy named Shinichi

    Quote Originally Posted by bimbonium View Post
    It's a fair read, though there may be some lack of continuity, shinshi was in the icu how did the army commander get there?
    The hospital was located in Saitama prefecture, the place where Shinichi killed Takashi.
     
         

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