Freak Academy | Chapter 3 | Problems
It was probably the hottest day of the year, if not ever. As soon as one went outside, it was like entering a sauna. Some people enjoyed it, while some suffered. On days like that, there was almost nothing better than a cool shower.
That is, unless you were Kisame. After gym class the rule was that everyone had to take a shower. Most of the students had no problem with it, a few felt it was awkward, and then there was one blue boy who skipped it altogether. He was usually the first one in the large boys' dressing room, so that he could get out before the rest arrived. First of all, stripping completely in front of the people who had made his life a living hell was a big no-no. And as if it wasn't bad enough to have an appearance that most of all resembled that of a shark, he had to have two of... those. The shark had only once made the mistake of showering with the others. That experience had scarred him for life. As gym class ended, he leapt for the dressing room entrance. Unfortunately the teacher was one step ahead of him this year - literally. When he found the exit blocked by the teacher, he immediately began to panic. The argument about whether Kisame was allowed to skip showering lasted a couple of minutes, before the teacher got sick of him.
"No, and that's final, Hoshigaki!" Kisame's heart dropped. There was no way out; he had to do as the teacher said and be grossly humiliated. He reluctantly admitted defeat, slowly walked towards the spot where he had left his things, and began to take off his shirt.
While Kisame always skipped the showers, Zetsu skipped gym altogether – just that once. If the teachers knew what he was doing instead, they'd probably kick him out immediately. His venus fly trap blended in just fine with the bushes next to a specific window. Behind the perfectly clear glass was the girls' dressing room. They were, like the boys, done with gym and were now showering. That meant a perfect view of naked teenage girls. Quite of few of them were delightfully curvy, and one of the older girls had the biggest pair of... earrings that he had ever seen. The plant boy couldn't fathom what made them so wonderful, but it didn't matter. It was too delicious to ignore. Suddenly he felt a push on his back, lost his balance, and fell out of his hiding place. One of the teenagers saw him through the window, and screamed bloody murder. The rest of the girls noticed as well, covered up their womanly body parts, and hurriedly pulled a curtain in front of the window. Disappointed, Zetsu stood up and looked behind him, finding the culprit. It was Kakuzu, of course.
"What was that for, senpai? We might get in trouble," he complained, and the senior shook his head in what seemed to be disgust.
"I'm just not a fan of voyeurism," he stated bluntly and began to walk back to the boys' end of the gym building. The half-plant followed, though he was still upset about being interrupted. They covered up their mouths, since the janitors were spraying weed killer everywhere in the school yard. Neither of them liked the smell, though Zetsu seemed to experience breathing problems whenever he inhaled it.
"Were you skipping gym class too?" he asked, and the genin chuckled darkly.
"No, they merely decided to have me teach gym instead. I'm too good for you academy students," he explained smugly. The black side of Zetsu laughed.
"So you’re too good in gym, but at the same level as academy students in the rest?" he teased. Kakuzu stopped and glared menacingly at the younger boy.
"Watch your ****ing mouth, or I'll sew it together," he threatened, and kept walking. Zetsu followed, cursing his black side. Just outside of the gym building entrance, Kisame was waiting for them. They immediately noticed that something was wrong.
"Kisame? What's wrong? You look like Christmas has been cancelled or something," Zetsu asked, concerned. The depressed blue boy just shook his head.
"I really don't want to talk about it." With that he walked towards the school buildings, looking very glum.
"Kisame you know you can tell us. We're friends, right?" Kakuzu assured him, but the shark shook his head again and sped up.
"Sheesh, thanks for the trust," the senior complained sarcastically. The blue boy ignored him, and continued towards the class room. It was recession, but he didn't feel like being outside with all the others. His 2 (3) friends caught on, and they spent recession in the class room. The plant boy and the scarred senior were still very curios as to why their blue friend was so gloomy. The bell rang and soon after the rest of the class was pouring in, all staring at the odd trio. As usual the class was unspectacular, though the boys stared more than usual at Kisame and the girls sent Zetsu devilish glares. The black side of the boy was unusually crude that day, and decided to tease the senior more, since he seemed to be in a bad mood.
"Kakuzu senpai?" he whispered, so that the teacher wouldn't hear him. The genin didn't answer, but looked at him curiously.
"How come you weren’t interested in the pretty ladies? Are you perhaps… not into girls? Don't ask him that!" The white side tried to strangle his black side, but strangled both of them. Kisame stared at his friend. Why would he ask Kakuzu, of all people, that?! To their surprise, the scarred senior laughed at him.
"As I said, I'm just not a fan of voyeurism. I prefer touching, not looking," he answered rather smug, though it was hard to tell since his face was still mostly covered up. Kisame felt that he was definitely missing part of that conversation.
The girls in the class were not going to let Zetsu's actions go by unnoticed. They were more or less planning his demise. What could they do though? Should they go for humiliation or pain or something entirely different? They had all noticed that the plant boy was having trouble with the weed killer - he was sounding more and more like Darth Vader. As such they snuck into the janitors' closet and snatched a can or two. Once again it was recession and the 3 (4) teenage boys were sitting outside, as far away from the stench as possible. The toxic smell was instead replaced by the smell of Kakuzu's cigarettes.
"You should really quit," Kisame stated, though still rather gloomy.
"Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction..." the senior stated confidently. They were all very bored, and waiting for school to end, so that they could have fun. They could hear laughing behind them, and figured that everyone else was having more fun than they were. Suddenly a voice right behind them addressed Zetsu.
"Zetsu-chan, we have something for you," the girl's voice said. The black and white boy's curiosity couldn't be controlled, and he turned around to look at the speaker. It was the girl who discovered him peeping on them and with a cheeky smile on her face, she pulled out a can of weed killer and sprayed it right in his face. The group of girls laughed loudly, while the 2 other boys were most of all rather confused. Zetsu however had violent spasms, fell to the ground, and started foaming around the mouth.
"Zetsu!" Kisame shrieked and was next to his friend in an instant. He tried to get in contact with the plant boy, but he seemed to be completely gone.
"Kakuzu get the nurse or something!" he shouted and the genin quickly got up to run. The girl realised that she might have seriously hurt the voyeur, and dropped the can. Kakuzu seized the opportunity, picked it up, and flung it right back in her face, hitting her nose with an uncomfortable cracking noise.
Waiting outside the nurse's office was excruciating. Not being allowed to know whether your best friend was totally fine or dead wasn't exactly fun. The senior put a hand on the worried junior's shoulder.
"He's going to be fine, it was probably just an allergic reaction," he assured, in an attempt to calm them both down. Kisame smiled half-heartedly at him, not quite convinced. A few minutes later the door to the nurse's office opened, and the nurse herself addressed them.
"He's okay, you can come in now." The two boys were immediately on their feet and followed the nurse into the office. Zetsu was sitting on a sickbed, chugging a bottle of water. As he saw them he smiled and waved, seemingly quite laid back. Kisame was very relieved, and couldn't help but hug his best friend tightly.
"Are you okay?" he asked, and the plant boy nodded slowly, a bit drowsily.
"What happened?" Kakuzu asked, directed at both Zetsu and the nurse.
"We don't remember. That girl just sprayed something in our face and everything went black," Zetsu explained, obviously quite confused.
"It seems that he's highly allergic to a toxin in the weed killer. I gave him some antibiotics, and some medicine that work against the toxin, in case he should come in contact with it again. Also, I've already contacted his parents, but I'd like you two to take him home, just in case," the nurse said with a wink. The boys got the hint and helped their friend to his feet. He brought the water bottle with him and made sure to cover up his mouth and nose as much as possible. As they crossed the school yard, happy that they were off a little earlier, someone called out behind them.
"Kakuzu, you bastard!" The scarred senior immediately stiffened, and groaned in irritation. The 2 (3) others looked behind them and saw another exchange student that they had met a couple of times before. He and Kakuzu didn't seem to get along very well.
"Kakuzu how the **** are you, long time no see, baka," the silver-haired student asked.
“Hidan... Not now. Just go away," the senior growled and tried his best to ignore this Hidan person.
"Oi don't be like that Kuzu-chan! I ask you how you're doing and then you treat me like shit! You sad bastard," he continued, with a teasing smirk on his face.
"What's the problem with you two?!" Kisame interrupted – he just wanted to get Zetsu home. Hidan laughed loudly.
"It's not me who's got a problem, it's Scarface here. You see, all the ways he wishes he could be? That's me. I look like he wants to look, ****s like he wants to ****, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways he is not," he stated, and a split second later he was flying across the school yard, having been punched right in the gut by Kakuzu.
"HIDAN!!!" he bellowed and strode towards where the young man had landed. He grabbed the pink-eyed man by the throat and shook him.
"Don't EVER say something like that again!! Do you hear me?!!" he yelled, right in his face.
"No, I didn't quite catch that," Hidan laughed, and Kakuzu punched him a few more times in the face, hard.
"Still not getting it," the beat up teen teased. Once again he received a flurry of fists to his face, and was eventually bleeding from the mouth and nose and had a black eye. They were both panting and exhausted.
"Okay, I got it... Shit, I lost it," Hidan laughed and Kakuzu roared with anger. Before he could land another hit on him though, two teachers had grabbed him. Other people had noticed what was going on - how couldn't they? - and had of course told the authorities. The scarred teen was struggling to get loose and shaking with rage, while the bleeding young man on the ground was laughing, as if he enjoyed being hurt. Kisame and Zetsu, who had been more or less stumped at the violent scene, decided that they should just continue home. Kakuzu probably wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. As they left they had a bizarre feeling that the day had been nothing out of the ordinary; and it probably hadn't.
Yup, Hidan is introduced in this one. I’m aware he’s not a freak in the same category as the others, but I just love him and Kakuzu’s bickering.
A lot of Fight Club quotes in this one. Whoops.
Naruto and related characters are property of Masashi Kishimoto. :lili: