About bothering with your parents/close ones.
My view of things has been influenced by various factors throughout my life and I view things inevitably in my own fashion, through influences from the outside of course, but still.
My parents, as well as my sister.. The way I see it, they are hypocrites, as I can be at times.
But the situation is a bit more complex than so.
While my parents have and try to enforce their own opinions and morals on me and my sister, knowingly or not(our parents), my sister and I have our way of responding to it.
Even though I do my best to try to listen and understand what they say, I feel that it is seldom the other way around.
The few times I actually do entrust my feelings to them and open up, it always ends in disaster and it is clear to me how little that which I feel matters to them, and now I have decided that I won't ever do it again unless I see change in them, which actually seems unlikely considering how they still continue to act arrogant and dominantly towards me and my sister, as if they've forgotten all about what I've been trying to say.
Though I do include my sister, she too is arrogant, probably as a way to defend herself as I believe it is with my parents.
Yes, I'm not the most motivated of persons, and I am quite lazy and don't feel much for adjusting myself to society, which they try to make me do. They say it's 'for my best' after all. I also lose my temper and say mean things as I'm tired of their repetitive hypocrisy, I even patronize them at times, though I regret doing so as it means I give up on my not becoming someone who doesn't care.
Be it as it is with my laziness and unwillingness etc. Am I to blame for what is between us? Should I be the only one to stand true to my feelings and say how it is?
Sure, I understand that I undoubtedly hold responsibility for some things now as I've come to understand how things are, but I feel trapped.
I live with them and it's hard to get a job out there and enough money to move out of the house, besides, I'm to study at a University which will cost me even more and I'll end up in debts as I'd have to take loans, were I to live alone(or with a friend), all in all it's better economically for me to live at home while studying.
However the helplessness I feel is that, now, they have control over whether I'm to live somewhere with roof over my head or not. They may say that they'd never throw me out of the house, I, on the other hand, have my reasons to doubt them, justified reasons to boot.
I think this makes me a coward, because at the same time that I feel helpless, I'm not doing much to help that. I'm trapped in the comfortability there is in being supported by the very ones whom I deem control me and treat me unfairly, be that the result of them knowing they exert this control or not(the treatment I receive), I'm despairing while trying to fight my comfortable life.
About my sister, I feel she's becoming more and more callous for each day that goes by, similar to how my parents are. It feels as if she gave up, so I've stopped trying to convince her in the same way I have them, fruitless at is has always seem to be.
Even though I despair at all this, I want to break free from this repetitive life of comfortability and fear of losing it, because even if it's obvious that there can never be a so called absolute security, I know this, but somehow can't understand or relate to it fully..
What I want is simple, I want to help myself, and when I have, help others to help themselves.
Now for the discussion!
Do you also feel you're in a situation somehow similar to this and want it to change? How do you go about trying to change your situation??