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  1. #1
    Member PAIN86's Avatar

    PAIN86 is offline
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    a story i'd like to write

    i had a general outline for my story thought up but it has slipped my mind and now currently thinking of a new outline then fill it in, will probably compose of 4-6 chapters. will try to finish it soon possibly releasing a chapter every day after i have wrote it. i already had chapter 1 done but made some changes. i'll share it with you guys and if i see interest i'll continue with it

    A Past Rival: Chapter 1 - revenge begins

    It's a beautiful afternoon in Konoha. The day marks the 9 year anniversary for the battle of
    peace. Naruto has taken the title of hokage and Hinata as his bride. He is a hero known through
    out the shinobi world. Naruto and friends meet at the cemetery to remember their friends who
    have fallen in the battle and pay their respects.

    Naruto: come hinata, Kurama wants to grab a bowl of ramen before we go home (he smiles)
    Hinata: (hinata smiles back) dont be silly, kurama cant eat ramen

    they arrive at Ichiraku's shop and grab a seat and order a bowl of ramen

    Teuchi: my my the hokage is here. 2 special orders of hokage ramen coming right up
    Naruto: you can still call me Naruto.....and make it 3 special orders please
    Teuchi: Kurama wants one to eh Naruto (in a jokingly manner)
    (Naruto smiles back)
    (Kurama inside Naruto has a smirk on his face)

    Naruto looks over to Hinata and wonders whats on her mind as Hinata looks like something is
    troubling her

    Naruto: hey, Hinata is there something you want to tell me?
    Hinata: (blushes) oh no its nothing, it can wait
    Naruto: still blushing after 6 years
    Hinata: well, I...
    Naruto: i love that you're weird
    (hinata smiles at naruto)

    They both leave the shop and begin their walk home. it's a quite evening in the village. kids
    run across the street chasing a cat. Naruto looks as it brings back his childhood memories.

    Naruto: hey, kids. after you've caught that, bring it to shizune

    Hinata tries to pick up the conversation that was left at the ramen shop. as she begins to speak there is a loud
    noise over the village. there is a puff of smoke, the smoke clears and the 7 tails appears and
    crashes to the ground. Naruto is confused and dashes toward where it has landed. and tells Hinata to stay behind

    (Naruto arrives)

    Naruto: hey, Chomei. is there something i could help you with (Naruto's shocked), HEY!! how did
    you get out of your seal anyways!!

    Chomei: Sorry Naruto but i cant control myself
    Kurama: Naruto boy, something is wrong. Chomei doesnt look ok.
    Naruto: what do you mean. Kurama
    Kurama: (glares at Chomei) Naruto get ready, he means to attack
    Naruto: what do you mean attack!!. i thought the tailed beasts were at peace!!
    Kurama: i cant explain get ready!!

    Chomei prepares a tailed beast bomb. Naruto quickly goes into his bijuu mode and barely manages to deflect Chomei's
    attack. an explosion occurs in the distance behind Naruto as hes glaring towards Chomei. Naruto
    senses that the seven tails is stronger than usual

    Naruto: hey!! chomei, why are you doing this, you could have destroyed the village. whats wrong
    with you!!

    Chomei has this blank look on his face as if his mind was no longer there and suddenly dashes
    towards Naruto. Naruto gathers chakra and unleashes his sage powers and dashes head on with
    Chomei. Naruto with a massive chakra arm punches Chomei and he crashes to the ground. picks
    him up and throws him. taking the battle away from the village

    Kurama: Naruto boy, lets trade places, i want to speak with Chomei. hey Chomei!!, what is the
    meaning of this. stand down or i will hurt you.
    Naruto: somethings not right here. it seems like hes no longer there. his eyes are empty

    Chomei attacks again. theres a bright yellow flash that stops Chomei in his tracks. as the light
    vanishes, Naruto is covered in the nine tailed cloak and loud roar is sent towards chomei.
    chomei flies high in the sky forming a tailed beast bomb and comes flying back down and as he does
    he launches the tbb. Naruto fires one back but with the force of it coming down it goes through
    Narutos and strikes Naruto. theres a big explosion and the dust settles. Naruto is bringing himself
    to his feet.

    Kurama: Naruto boy, we can no longer hold back against him. he means to kill you.
    Naruto: damn it.....what is going on here. alright Kurama....lets go!!

    Naruto covers himself in the nine tailed cloak again. extends the tails and wraps them around
    chomei and slams him to the ground. he jumps in the air and gathers a massive amount of chakra
    and blasts his tbb towards chomei. chomei still recovering from being slammed is struck with the

    Naruto: that should do it...

    Chomei hardly able to fly is still alive and begins to speak but Kurama does not recognize this
    voice this is the power of the nine tailed fox. i merely wanted to test it's strength
    and i've gotta's intoxicating (sinister laugh)
    Naruto: wait a minute....who are??! and what have you done with chomei!!
    Unknown: ohhhh you'll find time......little Uzumaki boy

    theres a puff of smoke and chomei has disappeared

  2. #2
    Nerd November's Avatar

    November is offline
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    Tired just Tired !!!

    Re: a story i'd like to write

    didn't read

  3. #3
    Senior Member Victorelder2k13's Avatar

    Victorelder2k13 is offline
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    Re: a story i'd like to write

    I read it it was nice but make your own characters instead of using naruto or DBZ story was good tho I liked it but IMO make your own characters if it's alright with you

  4. #4
    HinataSoloGoddess julio10ification's Avatar

    julio10ification is offline
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    Hyuuga Dojo

    Re: a story i'd like to write

    wow i really enjoyed it good work. if you wrote something this good you should keep it up. but i was sad when it ended i really wanted to know what hinata wanted to say. anyway great read and a great job
    Last edited by julio10ification; 01-31-2013 at 09:29 AM.

  5. #5
    🎧🚺🚹🎧 Hoshi's Avatar

    Hoshi is offline
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    Dream On! ❤

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    Re: a story i'd like to write

    Quote Originally Posted by November Nolove View Post
    didn't read
    Your really silly, don't be a jerk, really.

    OT: had me visualizing, great read, keep it coming please, I need to kill time!

  6. #6

    Takeshi Uzumaki is offline
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    Get at me BROS!!!!

    Re: a story i'd like to write

    Me likey

  7. #7
    Orochimaru's B!tch Tec's Avatar

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    Re: a story i'd like to write

    Quote Originally Posted by November Nolove View Post
    didn't read
    why.. err why did you write a comment then? or even open this thread in the first place? you confuse me.

    and it seems like the opening to a Naruto Equivalent of DB:GT. Taking the same story that was in the last story, and doing it again.

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