Re: Naruto manga 629 : Finally they meet Hashirama and Madara
Your prediction is one of the better ones out there. However, that isn't saying much. I've found a lot of bad predictions. I decided that instead of being silent, I'd offer some constructive criticism. Before anything else though, I want to thank you for putting your ideas out here!
People have already pointed out a few problems to you. I'll skip those. Here's a list of things that I noticed:
1. A large tailed beast bomb from the Jubi doesn't feel right to me. Tailed beast bombs are compressed balls of
chakra. In a very common sense kind of way, I'd think that the more compressed it is, and the larger the chakra you
put into it, the more explosive it would be. So, yeah, I wouldn't do that. The thing is, it is really hard to predict what
the Jubi will do, so I can't really criticize you much.
2. I suggest using "Gyuki" where you have "8 tails". It will look a lot more refined.
3. Madara's single word response didn't feel right to me. I think you imagined his face as you wrote it, so it made more
sense to you. Unfortunately, that didn't come across to me. Sometimes, communicating the full effect of something
can be hard. I suggest being thorough and detailed.
4. I'd suggest using a line for each scene change. The idea of explaining the scene change was nice, so well done on
5. "Kages ,taka and Orochimaru moving through the forest.." should be changed to, "The four past Hokage, team Taka
and Orochimaru move swiftly through the forest." The problems I attempted to fix are listed below:
a. The punctuation was incorrect. "Kages ,taka" -> "Kages, taka"
b. I added an adjective "swiftly" to add impact.
c. I think that the pluralization of Kage is Kage, and not Kages. I might be wrong though. Since it wasn't a general
gathering of Kage, I thought it would be more appropriate to change it to "The four past Hokage."
d. I used present tense here because it felt right. If nothing else, it gives a sense of action. I wish I could find the
grammar rule for this and give you solid reasons for it. I was thinking of this sentence in a square box at the top of
the scene like they sometimes use in comics (I'm not sure if they're also used in manga).
Of course, this isn't the only solution, or even the best one. I'm just trying to point out some things to think about.
6. You totally ignored the fact that the Kage were going to teleport to the battlefield.
7. Suigetsu, not Suigethsu.
8. There are twin stars next to Minato that aren't explained.
9. "That Madara!" not, "That Madara !" I'll skip over the rest of the grammar errors for now. If you wish, just contact me. I'll help you fix them, if you want.
10. I loved your idea for Hashirama's technique. Something that takes away a forest instead of creating it. Simply brilliant!
12. Minato is a smart guy. He wouldn't think that Naruto's Kyubi is sealed. The evidence tells him otherwise, so he'd
conclude that it has somehow been revived without Kyubi. I'm not sure he'd go so far as to say "Naruto's Kyubi". The
use of the possessive doesn't sit right with me.
13. Biju dama on colliding on that scale and that close by would likely result in most of the alliance being obliterated.
Would there be anything but mangled corpses left?
14. Hiruzen is likely to know whether or not Hashirama could use his technique to heal others. That question would \
probably not be asked.
15. Hiruzen's question about Tsunade is interesting. He doesn't know that Tsunade was made the Hokage. I loved that
you touched on that. Or maybe you weren't thinking that, but it was cool that I was reminded of it, anyway!
16. How in heaven's name did Madara reconnect to the Jubi. I must say I'm surprised he hasn't re-established the
connection in canon. Everyone was distracted for a bit. I'm not sure how that will play out, actually.
17. How in heaven's name is Madara fast enough to avoid Kamui? There's no evidence that he's that fast.
Anyway, I hope you find my observations helpful. Thanks for sharing.