Example why Lawd Tobirama>All
After flushing one of his swiftly extracted turds, Lawd Tobirama leaves his stall to wash his hands. His *****, Madara, is washing his own hands in the basin next to Lawd Tobirama, grinning smugly.
"What?" Lawd Tobirama asks irritably.
"Oh, I just never took you for a shy pisser, Lawd Tobirama. Got a micropenis down there or are you just afraid you'd get a hard on standing next to me?" Madara winks suggestively.
"What? I wasn't pissing. I don't think you want me to take a dump in the urinal, do you?" Lawd Tobirama laughs, holding his hands under the blow dryer.
"There's no way that was a dump, you were in there for like, twenty seconds."
"I swear to god, it was a dump. I'm a speedy shitter."
"You don't have to be ashamed dude, I wouldn't laugh at it openly, I'd wait until you weren't around." Madara placed one hand over his heart and the other in the air, as if placing it on an invisible bible.
"I swear on my mother's left tit, that was a turd. I can prove it tomorrow, if you want." Madara suddenly turned pale with a solemn expression on his face.
"Seriously? A twenty second shit? That's got to be like, a world record or something."
Madara went home to his wife and children that day, but all he could think about was speed-turds. It was impossibly fast, there is no way anyone could shit that fast, and yet... Lawd Tobirama did swear on his mother's left tit. He looked it up on the internet. The current Ninja world record for speed-shitting was 29:37.
The next day, a small crowd had gathered in the office bathroom. Madara held a stopwatch in his hand and another Hashirama was filming with his phone.
"Alright, I'm ready." Lawd Tobirama nodded at Madara. "Start it when I pull my pants down." Madara returned the nod.
Lawd Tobirama pulled his pants down, dropped to down on the porcelain seat, let out a moan as he squeezed one out, quickly swiped a paper down there and stood up, shouting 'Done'. Madara stared in disbelief at the stopwatch.
"This can't be right." Lawd Tobirama looked at his friend, turning pale in front of his eyes.
"What? What did I get?" Madara turned the stopwatch slowly in his hand, so that everyone could see.
"18:03, bro. You're a ****ing world champion." The villagers erupted in cheers, carrying their shit-champion into the village on their shoulders, whooping and singing as they went. Someone even ordered a turd-shaped cake to celebrate the occasion.
Today, Lawd Tobirama was God among men.