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  1. #1
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    Naruto and Sasuke: Chapter 4

    I apologize to those who were following the story. I hate my own writing; I really do. But at the same time, I do want to write stories. I hope that makes sense.

    This one doesn't have romance, like at all. Dedicating it to the Sasuke Gaiden.

    So here's the chapter you've been waiting for. I wish I had the time to edit it but I'm also writing another story, and I also need to study, so I'm really busy.

    Chapter IV:


    "Welcome to the Village Hidden in the Stars!", an old man welcomes Naruto and Sasuke warmly, "Your Hokage has informed us of your coming here"
    "As our guests, we will ensure, first of all that you don't starve", he coughs and Naruto mutters a sorry. Silence ensues a little as the wind blows, leaves of trees falling off and floating away in the air.
    "Okay," he says placing his fist to cover his mouth before glancing at Naruto, "the Hokage has also ensured to notify me of a blonde ninja's insatiable appetite," he says, looking at Naruto with an inane look that made his cheeks blossom with red. He just chuckles at the jokey man in front of him.

    The old man is wearing an intricate jacket with pockets and shorts. His foot is big in his sandals, so is his head. His hair is a grey kind of white and goes down to his waist. He doesn't care for it enough to tie it so it freely rests on his back and moves south where the wind is blowing.

    "Old man, you haven't told us your name. That's Sasuke Uchiha," he points at Sasuke who's leaning on a tree, a nonchalant looking on his face. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki", he points at his chest with a childish green across his face.
    "An Uchiha?", he says, widening his eyes and peering at Sasuke.
    "Yes! Although he's the last one in our village", at these words, for a moment, he has a sad look on his face. "But he's the best in the village. After me of course!", he says proudly.
    "My name is Sosuke. Sosuke Tairo"
    Sasuke just looks at the both of them and looks down at his feet again, brooding like a hermit.

    "Well then. Let's get going. We'll go to where the Kage is. Just follow me."
    They walk slowly with Sosuke ahead of them. Naruto has an impressed look on his face. He's looking almost everywhere around him. Girls, shops selling sharp ninja tools, ninja who are just passing by and just about everything in his vicinity.
    Sasuke is just playing with his sword, unsheathing it and sheathing it back again. His solemn look doesn't leave his face. His hair is even darker in the village which lacks sunlight.
    After a long walk past strangers brushing past them and onlookers staring at Sasuke's handsomeness, which Naruto couldn't bare anymore. He'd held a girl by her collar and pushed her into the arms of another villager when Sosuke caught him in his fuelling emotions and shook him off of his increasingly bitter jealousy. Sasuke just glanced at the pandemonium, not thinking twice before pulling out his sword and threateningly put it over Naruto's shoulder and muttering, "If you want to get us in trouble, Naruto, find somewhere else to launch yourself at"


    After a long walk around the village, they arrive at the Kage's mansion. Naruto has a conspicuous bewildered look on his face. He touches the embellished enormous closed door, motioning his hand around it. "How rich is this village?", muttering more to himself than anyone else.
    "I wish I could answer you confidently, Naruto right?", he answers his accidental question, "But since forever, we've always had everything. No one here has ever gone hungry and each and every household has definite providence of food and water. Even as a child is born, the family, if they're unemployed is given money to sustain the home for a decade to come. Hence my personal belief our enemy either wants to take that way from of us or wants our riches for himself. Either way, he wants something and we can't give it", he coughs before he stops.
    "And why would such an enemy come to this village of all villages? This is certainly not the only rich village among hundredths", Sasuke says.
    "That's a great assessment, but with our weakness. I mean, our weak ninja force, we would be a better target, wouldn't we?" Sasuke nods complacently
    "Can you guys tell me why are we discussing all this rich stuff? Aren't we here to kick butts and save the village Sasuke?"
    "Naruto, you are as hopeless as ever in grasping information. No wonder the Hokage would never allow you a sole mission," he states matter-of-factly. It was true. Naruto had the firepower, but Sasuke had the firepower and the brains. That just about summed it up for Naruto why he should hate him.


    Just as they walk in, an explosion just 10 metres away wreaks havoc. Villagers run with hopelessness stuck in their faces, screaming and shouting, "Zombies! Zombies!"
    "What?", says Naruto. Another explosion sets off in the same spot they were before they entered the village. "Sasuke!"
    A zombie has appeared out of nowhere and is grabbing Sasuke on his leg.
    Sasuke frees himself from its grasp by releasing Lightning from all over his body, stunning the Zombie before it even explodes.
    Naruto's heart had sunk. He lets out a sigh of relief before asking if Sasuke is okay. "I'm fine loser, just don't scream for me like a wuss like you just did. It. makes my intestines twist and it's not a pleasant feeling," he says over the noise encompassing the now half destroyed village.
    "Sasuke! Where's Sosuke?'", he asks worriedly. He peers around, craning his neck from one corner to another.
    "Naruto! Why did you lose sight of him?", he asks angrily. "What's more important is halting these Zombie's tracks. Make a clone to protect the Kage, or our mission will be failure regardless of our capturing the Zombies"

    "Sasuke, they're not Zombies, they're Ghouls, remember?", he says. He's proud he's at least remembered a detail in all his forgetting. "Naruto, stop talking and head over to the Kage. Make a clone now!"
    "Okay, okay!" Naruto builds chakra in his body and making the Shadow Clone technique sign with his fingers, he creates a split image of himself which appears out of a smoke.
    "We can go now, Sasuke. Wait, are you bleeding?", the blue eyed boy examines Sasuke while rubbing his infinitesimally bloodied face with his thumb. His hand leaves his face and comes back with a cloth. "Just this part now"
    "What are you doing?" Bewilerment shrouds the face of the Uchiha as Naruto examines him with his fingers. Touching his face. Touching parts of his skin. That sends tingles down Sasuke's spine. He wants to remove his hand, Naruto's hand from his face, but his body has suddenly failed him. It's like when your car just halts midway your journey and you don't know what broke it down. You know something is wrong but you can't pinpoint it. "Are you okay, Sasuke", asks Naruto. "I... I'm okay, just leave me alone." Somehow he could manage to at least mutter that amidst the overpowering. (I'm rebellious and unruly and no one has power over me), reciting that in his head, he feels unbound to Naruto. Although... although his gentleness and caring nature is getting to him. He even recalls that night. Even amidst peril, as ninja of the village fought to defend themselves, he is defending his feelings, but to only fall back into their grasp. Naruto is simply glued in his head. There is no other reason. He can't help it. He remembers; When they lost control of their bodies. When they couldn't stop themselves from allowing what their bodies desired to happen. When his hand was buried in Naruto's unruly blonde hair. When his tongue tasted like watermelon. His lips swelling under the strain.
    When they kissed
     
         

  2. #2
    ˢᵖᵉᶜᶤᵃˡ ⚔ ʲᵒᵘᶰᶤᶰ Anubis's Avatar

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    Re: Naruto and Sasuke: Chapter 4

    I think Sasuke and Naruto personality and friendship are not contrast well and Sasuke's personality slight different from a uncaring person to a caring one since he grown to an adult.

    And you used a car metaphor in a era where modern technology is limited or not that advance?

    I don't understand the ending. Its not that its confusing, but it was unnecessary to add becuase it doesn't fit the experience of losing control of his body. I think you should have went with something else in his past.
     
         

  3. #3
    ☯King Slayer☯ Hakke's Avatar

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    Re: Naruto and Sasuke: Chapter 4

    is it about a yaoi relationship between Naruto and Sasuke ? , heck , as if the manga wasn't enough
     
         

  4. #4
    ˢᵖᵉᶜᶤᵃˡ ⚔ ʲᵒᵘᶰᶤᶰ Anubis's Avatar

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    Re: Naruto and Sasuke: Chapter 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragon Ninja View Post
    is it about a yaoi relationship between Naruto and Sasuke ? , heck , as if the manga wasn't enough
    It's one of those stories? I didn't pay attention to that.
     
         

  5. #5
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    Re: Naruto and Sasuke: Chapter 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Anubis View Post
    I think Sasuke and Naruto personality and friendship are not contrast well and Sasuke's personality slight different from a uncaring person to a caring one since he grown to an adult.

    And you used a car metaphor in a era where modern technology is limited or not that advance?

    I don't understand the ending. Its not that its confusing, but it was unnecessary to add becuase it doesn't fit the experience of losing control of his body. I think you should have went with something else in his past.
    Sorry I wrote shit. I'll take all of that into account next time
     
         

  6. #6
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    Re: Naruto and Sasuke: Chapter 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Anubis View Post
    It's one of those stories? I didn't pay attention to that.
    Precisely
     
         

  7. #7
    ☯King Slayer☯ Hakke's Avatar

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    Re: Naruto and Sasuke: Chapter 4

    ok , ok , I'll admit , it is really stupid to criticize someone fanfic before reading it

    sorry
     
         

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